Going, Going, Gone:

Showing its impatience with the debt ceiling stalemate in Washington, China today took the extraordinary step of putting the United States of America on eBay,” The Borowitz Report reports. “Officials at the online auction site said they believed it was the first time a major Western nation had been listed for sale there ‘if you don’t count Greece,’” Andy Borowitz writes. “In Beijing, the Chinese Finance Ministry said that it had considered waiting until Aug. 2 to see if the United States would ever pay back its multitrillion-dollar obligations, but ultimately decided to cut its losses. ‘We think we’ll attract a buyer on eBay,’ the Ministry said.‘Say what you will about the United States, it’s still one of the top fifty countries in the world.’ The sales listing for the United States contains some interesting information, such as China’s description of the former superpower as being in ‘fair to average condition.’ The listing also includes the stipulation ‘government sold separately,’ which the Finance Ministry took great pains to explain: ‘We thought that including the government in the sale might turn off potential buyers.’” See, also, in Glossy News: “Republican Senators Order Out for Chinese as Debt Ceiling Talks Continue.”