Wednesday, October 31, 2001


Good morning Libra! Over the next few days, it will be better to err on the side of moderation. People who respect you are studying your habits to help them find their own way. Shoulder your responsibilities with cheer and efficiency

Well dear god, so much to report. I am going to the Lyric tonight and seeing for the first time Puccini's Tosca, and I am so excited to go and see it. The last thing we went and saw there was 'Magic Flute" and it was nice, but very long, it got better as the night progressed, but this opera is so dramatic, and I love anything really, by Puccini, that I am so happy to be going! I have to give Diane Schick credit for inviting me to the dress rehearsal. She is just so fabulous. She's a full time flute player for the symphony here in Kansas City, but she is such a kick. She's just all around a hysterical woman, and I just love her, I can see getting to be great friends with her...I think we already are great friends, but I just can see being even better friends, because our personalities are seemingly one in the same. 

Here's a brief synopsis of the opera for those unfamilliar with this particular opera:
Giacomo Puccini
Cesare Angelotti, an escaped political prisoner, rushes into the church of Sant' Andrea della Valle to hide in the Attavanti chapel. As he vanishes, an old Sacristan shuffles in, praying at the sound of the Angelus. Mario Cavaradossi enters to work on his portrait of Mary Magdalene - inspired by the Marchesa Attavanti (Angelotti's sister), whom he has seen but does not know. Taking out a miniature of the singer Floria Tosca, he compares her raven beauty with that of the blonde Magdalene ("Recondita armonia"). The Sacristan grumbles disapproval and leaves. Angelotti ventures out and is recognized by his friend and fellow liberal Mario, who gives him food and hurries him back into the chapel as Tosca is heard calling outside. Forever suspicious, she jealously questions him, then prays, and reminds him of their rendezvous that evening at his villa ("Non la sospiri la nostra casetta?"). Suddenly recognizing the Marchesa Attavanti in the painting, she explodes with renewed suspicions, but he reassures her ("Qual' occhio al mondo"). When she has gone, Mario summons Angelotti from the chapel; a cannon signals that the police have discovered the escape, so the two flee to Mario's villa. Meanwhile, the Sacristan returns with choirboys who are to sing in a Te Deum that day. Their excitement is silenced by the entrance of Baron Scarpia, chief of the secret police, in search of Angelotti. When Tosca comes back to her lover, Scarpia shows her a fan with the Attavanti crest, which he has just found. Thinking Mario faithless, Tosca tearfully vows vengeance and leaves as the church fills with worshipers. Scarpia, sending his men to follow her to Angelotti, schemes to get the diva in his power ("Va, Tosca!").
In the Farnese Palace, Scarpia anticipates the sadistic pleasure of bending Tosca to his will ("Ha più forte sapore"). The spy Spoletta arrives, not having found Angelotti; to placate the baron he brings in Mario, who is interrogated while Tosca is heard singing a cantata at a royal gala downstairs. She enters just as her lover is being taken to an adjoining room: his arrogant silence is to be broken under torture. Unnerved by Scarpia's questioning and the sound of Mario's screams, she reveals Angelotti's hiding place. Mario is carried in; realizing what has happened, he turns on Tosca, but the officer Sciarrone rushes in to announce that Napoleon has won the Battle of Marengo, a defeat for Scarpia's side. Mario shouts his defiance of tyranny ("Vittoria!") and is dragged to prison. Scarpia, resuming his supper, suggests that Tosca yield herself to him in exchange for her lover's life. Fighting off his embraces, she protests her fate to God, having dedicated her life to art and love ("Vissi d'arte"). Scarpia again insists, but Spoletta interrupts: faced with capture, Angelotti has killed himself. Tosca, forced to give in or lose her lover, agrees to Scarpia's proposition. The baron pretends to order a mock execution for the prisoner, after which he is to be freed; Spoletta leaves. No sooner has Scarpia written a safe-conduct for the lovers than Tosca snatches a knife from the table and kills him. Wrenching the document from his stiffening fingers and placing candles at his head and a crucifix on his chest, she slips from the room.
The voice of a shepherd boy is heard as church bells toll the dawn. Mario awaits execution at the Castel Sant'Angelo; he bribes the jailer to convey a farewell note to Tosca. Writing it, overcome with memories of love, he gives way to despair ("E lucevan le stelle"). Suddenly Tosca runs in, filled with the story of her recent adventures. Mario caresses the hands that committed murder for his sake ("O dolci mani"), and the two hail their future. As the firing squad appears, the diva coaches Mario on how to fake his death convincingly; the soldiers fire and depart. Tosca urges Mario to hurry, but when he fails to move, she discovers that Scarpia's treachery has transcended the grave: the bullets were real. When Spoletta rushes in to arrest Tosca for Scarpia's murder, she cries to Scarpia to meet her before God, then leaps to her death.

Sort of a long-winded description, but it gives you a good idea of what is going on in the opera. I am so excited! So I had an interview a Old Navy yesterday, and it was fine, no big deal, they said that they will call on Friday, and tell me the good news. I can only assume that they'll hire me, I mean, it's not rocket science right, there's no good reason NOT to hire me, and I think it will be fun, and I fully expect them to hire me. I just spoke with my my Mama and she was just checking in to say hi. We hadn't talked in a while, so it was good to hear her voice, and get the low-down on the fam. I told her I might not be able to get up to Chicago on Thaksgiving, but that I'll have to keep her updated on my schdule (or lack thereof.) Oh, I almost forgot, Richard got his new Hondayesterday, a 2002 sports coupe? I don't know if that's right, I know SO little about cars, but it's a beautiful, sleek, black thing. Really a beautiful car, and I know that he is completely enamoured with it, and has that new car-syndrome. Park it in the back of the parking lot so it doesn't get scratched, yadda yadda. He's so cute. Anyway, must go and saturate my brain with Puccini now. Oh, Happy know it's a FULL MOON tonight too, and a blue moon, I think it's the second full moon of the month, so it's even more statistically abhorrent. Love that. Have a good, safe Halloween, kids, Throw some mail my way if you get a chance! Love your hair, hope it wins.

Tuesday, October 30, 2001



What do you really want, knowledge or comfort? If you have to ask this question, you're facing a complex issue. All you can do is to announce your wish and hope that the universe will respond.

I had a dream last night, that is worth putting down in the journal, because I thought it was way too hysterical. So I was walking along, on a summer day, and I notice two people standing along the path. Then I hear my name "Bill....oh Bill.....come over here." Naturally, I'm curious to see who it is, and then I notice, oh yes, it's my friend KATHY LEE CROSBY, (you know, the host from that cheezy show from the eighties THATS INCREDIBLE?) and she's being interviewed by a reporter. I go over to her and say "Oh, Kathy Lee, it's been such a long time since I've seen or spoken to you!" as I'm giving her a kiss on her cheek. She says to the reporter "oh, we've known each other for years", and as I'm walking away, I look back at the two people and look at the reporter and say "Years honey...."

I know I'm wacked, but as long as I can admit it, I'm fine. I have an interview at Old Navy today, and I can't imagine it's going to be too gruelling or an interview. I'm looking forward to it anyhoo. Tomorrow I am going to go to the Lyric for the dress rehearsal of Puccini's "Tosca". Diane Schick invited me to go to the dress, and that way, you don't have to pay for the performance, you can just go and listen to the dress rehearsal. She told me that she might not be there, but I think I'll go even if she's not there, and see if I can sneak in, and listen to the performance. I can't wait for that. Then on Thursday, I have to go for the physical, to determine if I can be in the study at Quintilles. My hunch is that I will be disqualified for the study, because of the tobacco content in my blood, but we'll see what happens. Hopefully, I'll be able to do that study, but I'm not going to count on it. I almost forgot, one of the guys from Howard Brown from Chicago called me yesterday, and wanted to know if I was still interested in continuing to participate in the EXPLORE! study. That was a study that I volunteered to do when I was in Chicago. It is a study of men that have sex with other men, to determine what kind of behaviors men are engaging in, and seeks to help men curtail their 'risky' sexual behavior, and give them strategies to help people in the future. I told them yes, I would be interested in continuing, and to send me all the information, blah blah. They give you a stipend of like $75 to do a blood test, so I figure I'll get some money out of it, while telling them about my sexual habits. Seems like a good deal to me. Anyway, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. mail me because I'm unemployed and have no life at this point!

Sunday, October 28, 2001

You haven't completely spilled your secrets, have you? Some people would prefer not to know all of the details. Score a few points by respecting the realities in which others choose to live.

I finally made it to the service this morning, and had a couple of issues with what the good 'ol Rev. had to say, but altogether it was marvelous. Jerome sang, and was brilliant as usual. He was wanting to talk to me about getting his website back in order, because as of now, he and Bukeka have nothing, and from what he told me, he has invested time and energy into a guy that just isn't working for the two of them, so I would love to help them in any way that I can. I think it would be marvelous if I coud help them. Afterwards, Richard, Jerome, Tom Pender and Kendra Peterson and I went up to Chipotle as we usually do after church on Sundays and had a great lunch, great conversation. So I thought that Richard and I were going to go to Phantom of the Opera tonight, but as it turns out, we're going to try and go next week, but we're still going to hang out with Diane who I just adore. She invited me to go to her dress rehearsal of Tosca, which I would just LOVE to do....go see a free show, during dress rehearsal of the symphony, I would just love to go see that. Am I being redundant? Anyway. I also found the Radical Faeries of Chicago, and if I were still living in Chicago, I'm sure that I would be a part of that organization. I had a couple friends in CGMC that were in it, and loved it, and invited me to participate in some of their events, but I never got a chance to, I wonder if there is a organization of local Kansas City Faeries....something to ponder. Oh yeah Lisa sent me this. Jesus, I didn't realize that there were so many earthquakes as there were in California.....they say they're still coming too....scary.
Okay, what did I just say in this previous post?

OCTOBER 28, 13:48 EDT 
Terror War Goes Beyond Afghan Border
Associated Press Writer 
WASHINGTON (AP) — The war on terrorism is focused on Afghanistan. But already, America is sending military advisers to the Philippines to rout out terrorists. Iraq could become a target if it's linked to any attacks. And the war could carry even farther — perhaps to Somalia, Chechnya or Sudan, and perhaps quickly — if Osama bin Laden tried to slip out of Afghanistan.Eventually, the war on terrorism could have a long target list, one that stretches into all corners of the world. 
Many U.S. officials already characterize the attack on bin Laden's al-Qaida group and its supporters in Afghanistan, the Taliban, as just the first battle in a long campaign. But they say future battles haven't been planned. ``Our first priority right now is to deal with the al-Qaida network and Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan and wherever else it is located around the world, wherever else it has host countries supporting al-Qaida,'' Secretary of State Colin Powell said Wednesday. ``And then, in due course, we will turn our attention to other sources of terrorism which are so destabilizing in the world,'' he said. ``And we'll keep a close eye on Iraq during that whole process.''
I don't even want to think about this.

So I had a dream last night that Richard and I were driving in a four-door car and we stopped because I saw some horses grazing in a field...I love them!! (I'm forever asking him if he'll buy me a pony, or an elephant for a pet), and I insisted that we stop , so we got out of the car, and there was one horse that was loose and not behind the fence, so I went up to the horse, but he didn't seem to be very friendly, so I told Richard to get back in the car, so I shut the back passenger side door, and then I got in and at the same time I shut the door, Richard got in the drivers side, but the horse came towards us, and prevented him from closing his door. So now the horse sort of stomped his hoofs on Richard's lap (must have been painful) and then he manuvered his whole entire head into the front of the car (Richard got his door closed right before this point) and now there is a huge horse head in the front of the car, with us sitting in horror. All I remember after that is the horse making a noise (that noise I love to make....the nay of the horse)..and then I woke up. Pretty wacked eh? I love dreams. 

An email from Sabrina:

I'm glad you had a great birthdy, you deserved it. It's not how it use to be. Me just rolling around the corner to see you. I'd thought you and I would be miles apart. Once, my life settles down and some how gets in order. I promise I'll visit. I'm just trying to get it all together. I need to be at a point in my life where I'm financially together and my career is secure and sucessful, where I can do all the things I want and need to do. I'll get there eventually, I just hope it'e sooner than later. I gotta jet but, we'll catch up this week. I want to hear the whole scope on your b-day. Remember that Big Mama Loves you.

Take care.

Your friends ALWAYS!
I won't even commment....
Turns out we are going to go to Phantom tonight.

Saturday, October 27, 2001

Week since my birfday.

Week since my birfday.

Good Morning Libra! Listen to tone of voice and choice of words. A client or coworker finds reason to panic. You know too much to let little things upset you. Maybe you should share this information with someone still in the dark.

Oh dear god, well there hasn't been much going on that's exciting to report. Richard and I are going to two parties tonight, there is a party of a woman from church, and then some guy from th board of directors of the chorus. That should be fun. We just got done seeing the movie "Riding in Cars With Boys" and it was actually a great movie. There didn't seem to be much point to the movie, but it made sense in terms of sociological sense, and the characters were fabulous. I have an interview at Old Navy on Tuesday, which should prove to be interesting, and then I have a physical on Thursday of next week. I signed up to volunteer for medical research at this place called Quintilles, it's apparently a huge complex where they do tons of medical research, and they pay you $1,050.00 so I thought for some quick money, it would be worth it. Something to do with high blood-pressure have to stay there for three days, monday thru wednesday, and it starts on November 19. I think that I'll get disqualified though, because of the smoking, so if that happens, at least I'll get some blood work done, and have it done for free....that's pathetic, but I have to look for all the free stuff I can get at this point. I still owe money all over the place, and I feel....I've been feeling alot of things lately, but I don't want to go into that at this point. I sometimes wish that I had a journal that I could just use for myself, and not have ANYONE read it, but now that I have this online journal, I'm sort of addicted to it, so this will have to do. I've seen other people discuss (on their journal pages) how they sort of edit their entries to the stuff that they want people to see....I try not to do that, but it seems lately, that I have been doing that....maybe I should just lay it all out, and see what happens. Maybe not.

If this doesn't seem like a foreshadowing letter to enlarge the war to Iraq, I don't know what does:

(I got this from this great resource to keep track of what our numbskull President is signing every day)

Week Ending Friday, October 12, 2001 
Letter to Congressional Leaders Transmitting a Report on Iraq's Compliance With United Nations Security Council Resolutions

October 11, 2001
Dear Mr. Speaker: (Dear Mr. President:) 
Consistent with the Authorization for Use of Military Force Against Iraq Resolution (Public Law 102-1) and as part of my effort to keep the Congress fully informed, I am reporting on the status of efforts to obtain Iraq's compliance with the resolutions adopted by the United Nations Security Council.
George W. Bush
Note: Letters were sent to J. Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the House of Representatives, and Robert C. Byrd, President pro tempore of the Senate. This letter was released by the Office of the Press Secretary on October 12. An original was not available for verification of the content of this letter.
Maybe I'm reading into it, but it seems from all the reports that they are going to widen the scope of this war, I can just see the headlines "America Bombs ALL OTHER COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD"
Whatever...I'm moving to Canada!

Wednesday, October 24, 2001

Difficult concepts fall easily into your outstretched hand. Confusing statements are just the wrapping paper for exquisite mysteries. Love feels like a good answer to just about any question.

This is from my friend Aaron in Chicago

I liked the article about the anti-gay slur on the bombs. Pretty interesting that they would write that on something that's about to be DESTROYED!! So who'd gonna see it? And anyway, it's not like those (Taliban) guys can read English or understand the concept of what a "fag" is, so what's the point? RADM Pietropaoli, the Navy Chief of Information that was quoted in the article, was at our Military-Media conference in late August, so I've met's always interesting to see people's quotes in the news once you've met 'em. FYI, most of the people there (at least in the Navy) don't really mind if there are gays in the military. I think it's a non-issue for them...and they have other things to keep them busy now! Your skydiving adventure looked fun. Love those pics, thanks for sending 'em. Darren (my singing partner) and I sang at the wedding of a friend of his Saturday. They had it at the Peninsula Hotel, which just opened in June, and is at the corner of Superior and Michigan. "Ostentatious" doesn't even begin to describe this shindig...I think they dropped about $35K on this wedding. Beautiful place, very elegant (they're in their 40s, and pretty much rolling in it). It's fun to visit the other side of wealth sometimes (although I wouldn't really want to live there--too much stuff to clean, and you know how much I hate that!), and great fun to be included in the festivities. The free booze always helps too! I had bought a glass of wine at the hotel bar before the ceremony (to loosen up my vocal cords--never mind what Patrick says), and it was $9.88! Geez, when I buy a BOTTLE of wine, it's $9.00... Well, sweetie, must run. Take care of yourself, and don't do anything too daring.
Talk again soon.
Aaron :-)
I also got the new Betty Bowers newsletter, and it's just hysterical. She a'int right. In fact she's so wrong she's right. But this is a sample of what she has on her's so funny, and witty, and just smart, but you know it's all in jest, whoever does that website, is just hysterical!
Foreign Religious Fanatics Are To Be Hunted Down and Killed.
Whereas domestic ones are to be appointed Attorney General 
Dalai Lama criticizess US foreign policy
Oct. 24 (UPI)
-- Tibet's Nobel Prize winning, exiled spiritual leader on Wednesday criticized the Western response to the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks on the United States. "You can eliminate people but you cannot eliminate human thought," the Dalai Lama said at a news conference. "The way to defeat terrorism in the long run is through thought, argument and reasoning. Once you commit violence it is unpredictable and it causes side effects." His comments came after he spoke before the European Parliament. Tibet's spiritual leader refused to condemn the U.S.-led bombing of Afghanistan, however. "They (the Americans and the British) know more about these things than I do," he said. He compared the joint action with the two World Wars and said, "This is a sign of civilization." He said the day after the Sept. 11 "unthinkable" attacks on New York and Washington, he wrote to President George W. Bush. "On the 12th, I wrote a letter, which expressed my sadness and my sympathy, and I told President Bush that the best way to counter terrorism is the non-violent way," he said. But the Dalai Lama criticized what he described as the United States' lack of concern for "democratic principles" in its foreign policy. "As far as domestic policy is concerned, they think democracy, democracy, democracy," he said. "But American foreign policy is not much concerned for democratic principles." Tibet's spiritual leader has lived in exile in India since 1959 when he fled his homeland. China had invaded Tibet nine years earlier. Since then, he has campaigned for greater freedom in Tibet; Beijing regards him as a troublemaker, however, and criticized the European Parliament for inviting him to address them Wednesday. Dialogue remained "the only sensible and intelligent way of resolving differences and clashes of interest," the Dalai Lama said. The parliament gave the Dalai Lama four standing ovations for his speech in Tibetan on the virtues of non-violence. While he called for a conference of non-governmental organizations, writers and thinkers together with religious leaders to consider the next stages of the war on terrorism, European Parliament President Nicole Fontaine said the parliament had called for a solution to the Middle East peace process and for "positive non-violent measures to be put in place once the military action in Afghanistan is over." Her comments came when Britain, a member of the European Union, and the United States were conducting airstrikes on Afghanistan in retaliation for the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks on New York and Washington that killed some 6,000 people
I couldn't agree more....I love that man! 
I just got an email from one of the archivist at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra...I was asking about the recording of J.S. Bach's St. Matthew's Passion that I was on, in 1987, and this is what he said:
Dear William: 
Thanks for your inquiry. 
The complete recording of Bach's Saint Matthew Passion (recorded March 1987) is, unfortunately, no longer in print. However, there is a single disc of selections still available. The disc is available at our Symphony Store and I found an image on Tower Records' website ( 
You might be interested to know that a couple of tracks from the recording were also used in the 1995 movie CASINO: 
Please let me know if I can be of any additional assistance, and thank you for your interest in the Chicago Symphony Orchestra.

Monday, October 22, 2001

Weekend Re-cap

Weekend Re-cap
I just have to recap the weekend, because I didn't really get a chance to on Saturday, I just did the skydiving page and pretty much just ignored the journal. So on Friday, we didn't do anything, just because Richard was playing this show at the Quality Hill Playhouse, that we went to see on Saturday night, and that ended pretty late, so we wound up not doing much on Friday night. Saturday was the big day. We started out early, and got to Butler, right around 9:00am, and of course had to wait for the people from the skydiving company. They showed up, and then the only other person that was tandem jumping and I, we watched a half an hour video and then pretty much just jumped out of the plane. I have to say that I enjoyed the tandem much better because you had a much longer time up in the air. I guess I'll just take this step by step. So you take off in the plane, and it takes almost fifteen/twenty minutes to get up to the 10,000 feet that you have to get up to, to freefall, so it's sort of a nerve-wracking thing, just sort of biding your time, before you have to jump out. So they get to the allotted altitude, and then open the door. There was two people that jumped before us (the instructor guy and I) so watching them go is another nerve-wracking thing. The way that I describe this experience was that, it's probably the most illogical thing that you can think of. You're cramped in this little prop plane, four people in the back, and one pilot, and you watch these people jump out, and then it's your turn, and it goes SO fast. It's so drastically illogical, that your mind tells you "well, there WERE four people in this plane, now there's two....." and it also tells you not to do what you're about to do. So in order to jump, you have to step out onto the little platform, with the wind blaring at you at 100mph or whatever it is, and hold on to the support bar-thing under the wing. So you hold onto that (the instructor is on my back) and he says "Arch", so then you put your hands up in front of your face, and then he says something, I forget what it was, but he told us to let our feet go from the platform, so he was holding the support thingy. Then he says "1-2-3 GO" and then you fall. Okay, so they tell you in the class that when you jump, you don't feel the sensation of falling, because the plane is moving forward, and you just feel like you're flying. Well no, that's not at all what happened to me. I don't know where they got that, maybe they just tell you that to make you feel better. I felt like a combination of complete panic( in that I had no idea what was happening) and I guess sort of like a roller coaster, because I certainly felt the falling sensation. So then the next thing I recall, is the freefall. Breathing was hard, because it's just like being in a REALLY REALLY windy day, so it was difficult to breathe through your mouth, but I found it was much easier to breathe through your nose. The freefall was pretty quick, and then he pulled the damm ripcord. Of course, I didn't know WHEN he was going to pull the ripcord, so I was taken totally by surprise. It was a pretty violent action. Okay, so then the chute opens up, and everything's okay, and that's when you can sort of sit back and enjoy the ride. I was too preoccupied about what was happening up until this point to enjoy anything really. So the guy was talking to me all the way down at this point, and he was asking me if I was okay, and I said yes, but the damm harness was killing me, on the upper part of my legs, it just felt like I was holding ALL of my weight (and his) on those two straps around my legs, which I guess, it makes sense that I was, but it was just uncomfortable. So he says, let's do some turns, and he does the turns, but he was turning and turning, and doing a pretty sharp turn, and I was getting motion sickness....not from the skydiving at all, just from the non-stop turns, so I told him that I just didn't like that. So he says you take the controls. So I did for a while and it's just so amazing. It's really like no other experience I've ever had, you think of the phrase birds-eye view, and it really is, you're just sitting up there, flying around, and it's SO quiet! So it got to the point where we had to land, and he said put your feet up, and SLAM! I apparently landed first, which made us fall forward, and he landed right on top of me. So hysterical. It sort of hurt at the time, but it was fine, no damage done. Richard took some great pictures, and I will continue the tradition of skydiving on my birthday! So we left, and went and had a fabulous lunch at On the Border, and then I went and did the skydiving page, on the website, and then we both got back home, and then eventually went to this little great Thai place for dinner, went to Richard's show at Quality Hill "Tales of Gaydom" was fabulous, albeit a bit long, (it was 3 hours and 15 min), Met up with Diane Schick who I just have to say is the most hysterical woman. I simply love her more than my luggage. Then we went to the bar for a drink, and then to the cast party after that, and mingled with the cast, most of whom I had already known, because they were all in HMC, and then after about an hour there, we went home. Sunday, I did nothing, literally. I woke up at about 9:30am, thought "Oh, I'll go back to sleep for 5 minutes, and I'll get up for church at 10:30." Woke up at 11:15, and thought "Well I missed church so I'll sleep for 5 more minutes and then get up." Woke up at 2:20 or so, and sat in bed till about 2:35 and got up. Didn't do anything at all, I emptied the dishwasher today....that was the entirety of my Sunday. Richard had a full day, and was terribly exhausted from a really busy Saturday with me, and an even more busy Sunday playing church, recitals, etc. We had plans to go to a concert of two friends of his, but we were both too exhausted to do anything at that point. But all in all great weekend, great birthday, great life.

Friday, October 19, 2001

Gearing up for the JUMP!

Gearing up for the JUMP!

This is perfect for the skydiving adventure I'm about to embark on!
Express yourself with confidence. Build dramatically on what has gone before. The best stories never end -- they just move on to the next chapter. Inspire someone whose beliefs have run dry.
Great message from my friend Lisa 

Bill Baby!!! 
Thought you might like this one.... it speaks to me of why your approach to making it a tradition seems like such a spiritually "grounded" thing to do. See you Saturday
Love ya, Lisa 

Parachutes weren't proven trustworthy by having people carry them around on their backs. The device showed its reliability once someone jumped. God, too, can be trusted with our lives, which we discover once we take a leap of faith. 
- Mary Manin Morrissey

Added some pictures to the newpics directory, my fave is Juliana in Florida. You know that she's my sister's baby, because when you come up to her with the camera, she sticks out her tounge and smiles and laughs. I want a baby dammit! I'm just going to put a October 20th entry on here, because I know I won't be able to get to the computer, because I'll be in rural Missouri jumping out of a plane!

Thursday, October 18, 2001

Anti-Gay Bomb Slur Wrong, Navy Says

Anti-Gay Bomb Slur Wrong, Navy Says
- An anti-gay slur written on one of the bombs used in the strikes on Afghanistan was inappropriate and commanders have been directed to prevent similar incidents, a top Navy official said. Pilots or crews of U.S. warplanes often write messages on bombs, either taunting the enemy or praising America. Messages written on bombs during the anti-terrorism airstrikes have included several references to the Sept. 11 attacks. A news photograph of a plane on the USS Enterprise aircraft carrier last week showed one bomb with the message, ``High Jack This,'' followed by an anti-gay slur. The Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights group, complained about the bomb's message. Rear Adm. Stephen Pietropaoli, in a letter to the group Wednesday, said the Navy does not tolerate discrimination and the bomb's message was an ``isolated incident.'' Several newspapers across the country also asked the Navy about the bomb's message earlier this week, said Pietropaoli, the Navy's chief of information. ``We immediately notified Navy commanders involved with Operation Enduring Freedom to ensure steps were taken to prevent a recurrence of this unfortunate incident. They have done so,'' Pietropaoli wrote. Elizabeth Birch, executive director of Human Rights Campaign, said in a statement that the letter was ``a welcome clarification and we are pleased the Navy has stated that this type of anti-gay behavior has no place in our armed forces.''

Wednesday, October 17, 2001

Oh the unemployment!

Oh the unemployment!
Your search takes you out of the way and out of the ordinary. Watch out for people who aren't doing their share of the work. This is one of those times when the fine print of a contract really makes sense.

Well I decided to do a journal entry because what the hell else am I doing at this point? I borrowed a bunch of pictures from my parents house this weekend, and I'll put a bunch of them on the Family/Picturespage. I also put them on a new directory there. There are some great ones there, of my childhood, and then some more recent pictures. I've been sort of down lately, just sort of wrapped up in my unemployment situation, and some other things that have been on my mind, and I can't sleep well, and during the day I'm not functioning well just because the insomnia has crept back in. Leila has arrived in Portland, and is safe and secure with her parents. I talked to my old friend Kristin Gray who I haven't talked to in forever. I do have to say though, that she was a total fucking bitch to me, and if she doesn't call me back, that is fine with me, it's not like I had a relationship with her in the first place, she never calls me back, and never writes or emails, so why do I even have a friend like that? Why do I put myself in such a situation? She called me on my cell phone on Sunday, when Jeff and I were on the way to Chicago, and was just RUDE, she was lecturing me about any number of things, and at this point, I just don't need a friend who is not supportive of me, and who is wrapped up in criticizing others. It is terribly dissapointing to me, to talk to her, after something like 3 years, and then to have that happen...I was kind of upset by it. Oh well, not like it effects my life in any way, shape or form. I just have to concentrate on myself, and where I am going, and not be distracted by people who are not going to support me and love me. I just have to keep on keepin' on. Atta girl.

MANCHESTER, Part II 10/17/01

-- In the second part of the season premiere, flashbacks reveal the President (Martin Sheen) as he refines his speech for a major re-election announcement while his staff works uneasily with a heavyweight political strategist (guest star Ron Silver) over whether Bartlet should include a public apology in his remarks. Meanwhile, C.J. (Allison Janney) considers drastic action in the wake of her ill-timed statements during a crucial press conference. In addition, Bartlet tries to patch up a misunderstanding with his wife Abbey (Stockard Channing). The President must also decide if he will accede to the requests of a corrupt Haitian leader that could lead to peace. Chief counsel Babish (guest star Oliver Platt, "Bulworth") shocks Charlie (Dulé Hill) with the probable cost of hiring a fancy lawyer since a special prosecutor is preparing to ask him tough questions. John Spencer, Richard Schiff, Bradley Whitford and Janel Moloney also star. Oscar winner Marlee Matlin ("Children of a Lesser God") also guest-stars.

Sunday, October 14, 2001

From Chicago

Dear god, it's early on Sunday morning, and I am at my parents house in good 'ol Lombard. Been hanging out with my grandma for the last couple of days because no one is really here, my Mom's down in Atlanta, and my dad is out in Portugal of all places, so I pretty much came home to an empty house. The wedding was wonderful, I got to dance with the bride a couple of times at the reception, and I am so happy that I came up here for the wedding. Friday, Yvette and I went out to the bar, and I got drunk (shocking, I know!) Saturday, was the wedding, and the reception, and now I'm waiting on Jeff to call me, so we can head down to Boyztown to go and do our regular tradition of going early on Sunday to Cocktail and having a couple of beers and just sort of catching up with eachother. I am excited to see Jeff, as I haven't seen him in so long, so it will be a great chance to sort of catch up on all the gossip. That's enough, I don't want to spend all day on this journal, I just wanted to get it updated. Talk to you soon. OH yeah.....birthday next week, and let me just say that I'll be flying high next Saturday!!!! CAN'T WAIT!!!

Wednesday, October 10, 2001

Madeline Pictures!!!!!!!

Madeline Pictures!!!!!!!

I just got a bunch of pictures from my sister-n-law Sue, of the other weekend when I was in Chicago, for my new neice's christening! I just made a new directory for her, go here
Maddy in her hat
Maddy looking in her mirror 
Maddy looking festive in her orange suit
Madeline smiling 
Maddy and Sue's hand hee hee
My parents and Thom and Sue and Maddy
Me, holding Maddy
Me, holding her again, better picture
My brother Mike, and I, at dinner after the christening
Three days and counting till Chicago!

-- In the season premiere, flashbacks reveal how the President (Martin Sheen) will officially announce his plans to run for re-election, which sends his staff into disarray as they work on the speech. But two problems dog them when Sam (Rob Lowe) realizes that Bartlet never apologized for not disclosing his multiple sclerosis while C.J. (Allison Janney) makes a crucial gaffe during a press conference. Meanwhile, the President must decide if he should greenlight a military rescue of the besieged U.S. embassy in Haiti and chief counsel Babish (guest star Oliver Platt, "Bulworth") informs Charlie (Dule Hill) to hire his own expensive lawyer before a special prosecutor begins looking into Bartlet's possible concealment of his illness. John Spencer, Bradley Whitford, Richard Schiff, Stockard Channing and Janel Moloney also star. Oscar winner Marlee Matlin ("Children of a Lesser God") also guest-stars.

Tuesday, October 9, 2001

Relief at last

Relief at last
The formalities are an obstacle that you'll just have to overcome. The real gems lie within the skill set that may not fit on your resume. Obey all traffic laws when chasing down your lucky break.

So I took two sleeping pills last night, and finally was able to get some sleep. I won't even comment about what I think of this country's efforts to "so called" derail terrorism. I am supposed to be at chorus now, but since I've decided not to sing this show, means that I can show up whenever I want. More tomorrow and from Chicago on the weekend! I also put a picture of my friend Cameron on the site. He is hysterical and I used to work with him at Buddies, in Chicago.

From the Chicago Sun Times, Oct 9, 2001 
Wonder hid STD, ex says
LOS ANGELES--Stevie Wonder's ex-girlfriend has filed a $30 million palimony lawsuit against him, claiming that he gave her a sexually transmitted disease. Angela McAfee alleges in a lawsuit filed Thursday in Superior Court that Wonder concealed a contagious venereal disease from her and passed it to her through sexual contact. According to the lawsuit, McAfee discovered that she had contracted genital herpes from Wonder in October 2000. Wonder persuaded her to quit working as a wardrobe consultant in 1996 and move into his estate, the lawsuit said. The couple verbally agreed five years ago that he would be the sole income earner and she would remain at home, the lawsuit said. They lived together until February, when Wonder allegedly breached the agreement. "The only breach that has been made is one of Stevie's trust in someone he had heretofore called a friend," said Wonder's attorney Laura Wasser.
OOPS, I hate when that happens

Monday, October 8, 2001

Insomnia central

Insomnia central
Good Morning Libra! This is an ideal time to spend with people. Check your version of reality against what others are thinking. Differences of opinion are sure to make for lively, welcome debate.

***************** PASSENGER(S) *********************


***************** ITINERARY **************************

Friday, October 12 - Kansas City(MCI) to Chicago Midway(MDW)

Flight 682
Depart Kansas City(MCI) at 11:15 AM and
arrive in Chicago Midway(MDW) at 12:30 PM

Sunday, October 14 - Chicago Midway(MDW) to Kansas City(MCI)

Flight 706
Depart Chicago Midway(MDW) at 09:00 PM and
arrive in Kansas City(MCI) at 10:20 PM

I just got a great picture scanned of Richard and I on the Heartland bus on the way to Chicago. In that second picture, I am the only one wearing sunglasses. Richard is on the right, in the overalls. There are a couple more that I got from Elsa, one of Richard at the piano, cute picture, and then one of a more contemplative Richard at the piano, and then one of me, bartending

This is also an email I sent out to my friend Bukeka to help her with her website development
Bukeka (The Goddess of the Universe): 

It's Bill, from our conversation the other day, I wanted to give you some information about my website design history: My own personal website is available for viewing at: 
also, you might want to check out a very (very) preliminary design (I only have some bio information for him, and some quotes that I took from a email newsletter) for the website of Richard's Consulting endeavor that I designed for him....which is also on my site at: 
Also, you might check the new (as yet unpublished) Heartland Mens Chorus website that I had a hand in developing and designing. That site is on the original domain ( but as I said, it's still not yet released for publication, but the test site is available at: 
The chorus website is by far, the most professional of the designs, but I hope this gives you an idea of what my capabilities are. Like I told you the other day, I'm not very fluent in the mechanics of ticket sales/reservations/database management on a website, but I have a good network of people that I could easily call upon to help me in that area. Give me a call if you need some advice, or help in this's a real passion of mine to do website work, and I would love nothing more than to help you with this, my cell phone number is ___-___-____. Let me know either way what you think: Have a great week, 
love you, 

Also, another note about Chicago....and this one was not very encouraging, but at least I am flying into a different airport than O'Hare

October 8, 2001 — A passenger rushed the cockpit of American Airlines flight 1238 from Los Angeles to Chicago. Military jets raced to its side. The plane landed safely at O'Hare Airport around 3 p.m. Officials say the incident was not an act of terrorism, just a random act by a suspect. 
Passengers on board Flight 1238 say the young man was sitting in a coach seat when he suddenly jumped up and ran full speed to the cockpit door. The man, believed to be in his 20's, got through the cockpit door, but the pilot managed to force him back outside. Witnesses say the man was shouting, "save the tower, save the tower." Witnesses say several passengers stormed after the suspect, rolled him in a blanket and subdued him. A doctor on board the plane also gave the suspect some medication, according to the witnesses. A man believed to be the suspect's father was traveling with him. According to airline officials, the suspect has a history of mental instability, and may have believed the plane was headed toward the SearsTower. When the intruder entered the cockpit, the pilot declared an emergency by entering a special code. Passengers say the plane jolted. One man even said he feared for his life, thinking the plane was going down. Two F-16s scrambled to intercept the plane, creating a sonic boom as they broke the sound barrier at around 767 mph. Some of the northwest suburbs heard that noise, which sounded like two large explosions. "I heard a huge, gigantic boom," said Sherry, who lives in Barrington and was obviously shaken by the noise. "I had no idea what I was supposed to do with six kids," she said, her voice shaking. Law enforcement agencies received several calls from residents who heard the boom. The F-16s escorted the Boeing 767, which was carrying a crew of nine and 153 passengers, to the airport. It landed safely at the airport. Officials took the suspect into custody, and interviewed the other passengers. No one was injured in the incident, although there are reports a 50-year-old man was taken to the hospital suffering from chest pains. The FBI says it is possible that no charges will be filed in the case.

Sunday, October 7, 2001

Chicago confirmation!

Chicago confirmation!

I don't have a horoscope for today, but you just might want to check out my astrology and check out the nifty new description on there I recently added. it's just about midnight on Sunday night, which means it's Monday morning, and I am restless, and can't sleep. Too much caffine at the starfucks this afternoon. So anyway, I will try, to the best of my ability to re-count the weekends festivities for you, and try to make it as nonlong-winded as possible.


Picked up my last check from the damm temp company. They say "we'll call you if we have anything", yeah right, whatever, I'll believe it when I see it. On the same trip, I went and dropped of my music toRick Fisher because I've decided not to sing this show with the chorus. See previous entries on After dropping off my music, I got stuck in traffic, and eventually made it back home in time to take a quick shower, and make plans with Pierce to go out with Richard and I to dinner. Go to dinner with Richard and Pierce which was fabulous, (not to mention FREE because we waited an hour for our food, and we complained to the server, and she didn't even question it, she just said "you guys are bought"). After dinner, we caravaned with Pierce up to the historic jazz district in Kansas City, because we were on the search for some good 'ol jazz music. Went in a place, they had a cover, we were over that, so we went to another area of Kansas City that has some jazz clubs, finally settled upon the Empire Room. Went in, sat at the back bar, had a entirely mandarin martini, and complained about the kung-fu movie we were being subjected too while at the bar, finally moved away from the bar, to a little table. There, Pierce's "so called" boyfriend (we'll call him "W" for the sake of his dignity) met us, and was in the bag already, and insisting that he drive pierce and he back to the other bar. So we were over the kung-fu movie, and decided on the old standby, the gay piano bar, "The Other Side" which we all were in agreement at this point, was appropriate, because we couldn't find any other good places to go, that had live music. Get to the Other Side, where we met Pierce's friends Kirk and Kyle, who were hysterically funny, and good company. I proceeded to drink numerous martini's and decided to turn my keys over to my husband, because I was in no condition to drive. Okay,

Saturday 10-6-01

Woke up, with a headache...not too horribly bad, but I was telling Pierce this on the phone the other day, that I have found a cure-all for the hangover, and maybe it's just me, but as many hangover's I've had in my life, I would gladly pay the man that could provide me with a hangover cure. Well, I guess I should pay mah own self because I have found that if I pop two Excedrin Migraine pills, that in an hour, not only is the hangover gone, but the lasting effects of it as well. I always have Excederin Migraine pills available to me, because I suffer from horrible migraines, and they are the only over the counter medication that can possibly make the smallest dent in the relief of the pain. Needless to say, if you have a hangover, TRY it, because I swear to Allah, it works. So, back to Saturday, Richard had a full day of rehearsals and errands to do, so I did some errands myself, a little banking here a little sustinance, a little this, a little that, and I wound up back at home, trying to re-hydrate myself. Richard had a gig at St. Agnes (which is Joe Neadeau's {the director of HMC's church}) and I had originally planned on going with him because Bukeka was supposed to sing, and everytime I hear that woman's voice, I melt. I wasn't feeling all that tip top so I decided not to go to the gig, but then eventually reconsidered my decision, and went to the gig, and I was quite glad that I did. There was about four hundred people at this thing, and free food and wine to be had. So, I saw Joe, and he sat me down at a table, and told me to get some food, and he sat next to me. It was quite nice to talk to him, because I've never had a chance to sit and actually have a conversation with him, and it was nice to just sit and sort of bullshit with him. Bukeka showed up, with her little son, Delbert. This boy, is the nicest child I have ever met. I think he's about 9 or ten, but acted as if he was 29. He sat at the table and read his little Harry Potter book, and chimed into the conversation when he was asked, and was a JOY to be around. I'm tangeting, I can feel it. Anyway, point being that it was so nice to be around a well behaved, well mannered, all around cool kid. Bukeka sang, and, of course, took my breath away. It was sort of funny because this whole gig was a 'church' related function, I think it was St. Agnes' volunteer dinner, or something like that, and Bukeka is this Goddess of the Universe, shimmering energy black woman singing for a room full of middle aged, very conservative white people, and it was hysterical because she was singing "Route 66" or one of her up-tempo songs, and the white people just couldn't find the rhythm, they were trying to snap and clap along, but bless their hearts, couldn't find a rhythm if it slapped them in the face. Bukeka sang, and was ultra-fabulous as usual (can you tell that I am in love with this woman....I joke with her, and I call her the Goddess of the Universe, because the woman is a goddess, there is just no other word to describe her!) So anyway, we left right after Richard and her performed, and Richard and I met up at the you guessed where up North, by our house. We chatted for what seemed to be fifteen minutes, but it turned out, when we got home, to be three hours! I stayed up and watched "Misery" on the T.V., and loved it (even though I had seen it before) and then went to bed.


Overslept, and missed the service that I was specifically supposed to attend because I was being welcomed as a new member (they do that every first Sunday of the month, and you go up in front of the congregation, and sort of get to be formally welcomed into the community, it's quite nice), but I overslept, and woke up at 10:50am, and the service started at 10:30am. Oops, it's all good though, I'll just do it next month. Richard was at rehearsal from 2-6pm and then 7-9pm on two different rehersals, so then Schicky Baby rang on my cell phone, and said "what are you doing?" and I said nothing, so I met up with her and her daughter on the Plaza, at the Classic Cup for appetizers. Truly fabulous, and I just love that woman. She's a stitch, and a geniune, loving, hysterically funny woman, and we get along like two giddy school girls, just love her. So Richard rang my phone and then met us at the Classic Cup, in between his two rehearsals, and we had great fun, all together. Went to the Wesport Starbucks, had a drink, then met up with Pierce and Richard at the PLAZA starbucks, and that's probably why I'm up at this hour typing this journal. Great weekend, and I didn't even tell you about my dream about my friend Michelle Andreas, who I went to high school with. I had a dream that she had cancer, and looked like she was chineese, oh and the straight couple that walked into the party both nearly naked, and tripping on ecstacy, but I'll save that one, because this journal entry is long winded anyway, and I'm over it. More unemployment woes to be had in this upcoming week, I'm sure, BUT one great thing is that I've now confirmed my flight to Chicago this Friday, so I WILL be attending my friend Jen's wedding next Saturday, and will be able to see her and see some friends that I haven't seen for a loong time in Chicago. So excited! Okay, I'm over it! Later on kiddies.

Thursday, October 4, 2001

Oh the Leila

Oh the Leila


I don't know where I'll be staying. Quite possibly not at any of the numbers that I gave you. So don't call any of them just yet. I'll find ways to try and regularly check my email and then I can let you know where I'll be. I so don't want to stay at Cyndi's. Its too chaotic. Dear God!!! Kids everywhere. Ok. So I shipped out TWO boxes and it cost 108.00. This fuckin blows. I have two more to go that absolutely need to get sent out and so I suppose that spending about 3-4 hundred dollars in shipping would sure as hell beat the cost of renting a truck and all that bullshit. Oh dear Lord. OK that Wolf Lake show is on tonight and I absolutely have to watch it. Aw yeah! Ok anyways I suppose that I should get going because I am so DAMN HUNGRY! Why am I always hungry? 

Ok well I will be at cyndi's after Six I think. I think I am going to head back to the apartment that I used to live at however the phone there is disconnected. UGH! Oh I need to go eat. This whole limbo thing is insane. I feel like a drifter. I am thinking that maybe today I'll definitely get some Panera bread. Oh dear God I am so starving. I'm just waiting to see if Keri is going torespond to my email so I am killing time by writing you another email. Ok my stomach is going to start making some noises. This will be embarassing. ITs all about teh oktoberfest this weekend. Leila will be drunk. Please do not be too surprised by that. Just drunk as a skunk. Lots of German beer. I'm all about it! ciao!

Another email from my long lost friend Allison....the first sentence is referring to one of those 'virus warnings' that she sent to me, but I refused to believe it.

Hey, yeah, my dad sends me all sorts of stuff like this. Makes me wonder if he does anything else at work. But, what the hell am I doing right now. Anyway, I'm living the blissful married life here. We're busy busy. Weather has been fab. Lots of yard work, did some hiking this weekend, Ryan's been busy building two new bathrooms. We had a BBQ this weekend, it was pretty rockin'. We set up a horse shoe pit and we bought two of the pews from the wedding and set them up under our Kiwi arbor. Nice and cozy. I'm hoping right now to hear from the city about a job as a horticulturist for them and it's keeping me fairly distracted at my current job. I'm definetely ready for a change. Everything else if fine, family is good. Hey, do you talk to Terese anymore? I've gotten the huge, screw you dis from her. Don't know what the prob is but seems like she will never call me back and tell me. Anyway, enough of my ranting. How're things going for you? A little smoother I hope. Let me know how life is treatin ya. Talk to you soon,
Big A

Wednesday, October 3, 2001

Oh the biological attack

Oh the biological attack.

Good Morning Libra! The middle of the road is a comfortable place to be, but necessity pulls you one way or the other. Send your ego out of the room while you act with your heart. Libra's potential to do good is still enormous.

I had the craziest dream last night, and it's sort of funny. I was a member of a team that was competing against another team for something..I don't know what the prize was, but all I remember was that we had to cross large distances to get to a destination. I guess it was like those shows "The Amazing Race" where you have to end up at the Statue of Liberty or whatever, so I can remember taking this little basket over this huge distance (the basket was suspended by a crane or something....the crane looked like a tiger skin ) and getting almost sick on the basket because we were going up and down so fast, you could feel it in your stomach. So my team, was the black women....Patti LaBelle and Leila Rashaun, and Toni Morrison, and a few others who I guess weren't famous. So the basket took us to this immense building and we had all of our backpacks on the third floor of this building, but then we went to this enormous auditorium to watch this concert, and in the middle of this concert, panic ensued because there was this ambassador guy who was taken out with this 'mysterious' illness, and then they thought it was a biological attack on the auditorium, so over the loudspeakers there was 'get out of the auditorium' and so there were people stomping and trampling over each other, so i went to the bathroom, and got some water, and got soap for some reason and ate the soap and drank more water....not sure exactly why...i think i thought i could wash out the virus or something. So I'd lost my team, and then eventually we re-grouped on the top of the building, so we needed to get our backpacks, which were IN the auditorium, so we needed to get to another (same kind) of basket, so it was a race to the basket mechanism, because this time we had to operate it ourselves, so I found the landing pad...and it was amongst this maze of wood tunnels that you had to either follow the maze or jump over the wood, and it was then a race to the controls of the basket, and everybody on my team was screaming 'get it Bill, get it Bill and there was another guy from the other team who was close, and we got to the controls at the same point but for some reason, he got them working. So the controls were hard to decipher, and when that guy finally got them working, there was a huge picture of this fierce bear growling on the side of the building, and when the mechanism started to take the basket, the huge picture of the bear lit up the night. So the basket took the other team to the top of the building so they could get their backpacks and that's when I woke up. There was also a point in the dream where I was playing cards with my team (you know how a dream sometimes just jumps from one scenario to the other, sort of like a Tom Clancy novel?...I get that a lot in my dreams) and then Patti LaBelle sang a song...and all of the other women and I sang with her. That's all I remember.
There's a little delve into my psyche...I know you're scared, so am I sometimes. That dream wasn't really scary, it was more interesting to me. The dreams that I remember are always totally fascinating to me...and lately, I've been commanding my mind to remember them. Still working on the unemployment thing, trying to get my ass a job. The premiere of West Wing is on tonight, and I'll probably tape it, Pierece is coming over, and we decided to go out tonight and have a couple of drinks after West Wing. Richard will probably meet us afterwards, out. Talked to the Mindy show this morning and she told me some great stories of my two nieces down in Atlanta...I just don't want to type anymore.

Tuesday, October 2, 2001

Jingle Bells

Stop pushing after you've done all that you can do. If it was meant to be, it will assume its own shape from this point. Lean back and let the good times wash over you.

Today has been a good day. I had an appointment with Melissa at Personell Connection and they are going to try and hook me up with a permanent placement type of thing, which I completely prefer, rather than temping. I took a typing test, which resulted in 72wpm, which I was happy about. Richard has been swooning over this new Toyota that he went and test drove yesterday, I think he's going to buy it....the way that he's been talking about it. He's off now, doing a show at Starlight Theater for the Mayor of Kansas City, some Woman of the Year thing, so it's sort of a big deal. I've also decided that I am not going to sing this show with HMC because I just can't stand to sing Jingle Bells one more time. I just can't....I think for the rest of my life, if I never sing Jingle Bells again, I'll be content with that. They have some good songs, I just get burned out doing holiday shows so easily, and this particular show has nothing that really sets me on fire, and if I'm going to be paying to sing, I'd rather be set on fire, than resenting having to sing Jingle fucking bells. I can't think of anything to say, so it must be the end of my journal.