Thursday, November 29, 2001

Judy Garland returns from the dead!

Judy Garland returns from the dead!
Only those who know you well understand that all isn't right. Someone has cheated or bailed out early. You'll get your due soon enough, and it won't be pleasant for the unlucky fool on the giving end.
Dear god....okay...I have a new person to add to the cast of characters in my life, her name is Judy but I have a different name for her (read: Judy Garland)..I work with her at B&N and she's a 23 year, bright pink hair, pregnant-ass, already has three other kids, fabulous diva. Now, you might say oh....she's 23 and already has four kids? Well...I just need not delve into other people's personal lives, but, for your purposes..she's just fabulous. I was supposed to go out with her, and her friend Kieth last night, but then she had some emotional crisis, and called me back in tears] and we stayed on the phone for upward of three hours. I can see becoming great friends with her...I always love that type: the social outcast, the scorned personality, I feel like I have something in common with her, being the social misfit that I am. Needless to say, I'm sure that I'll be talking about her more and more often in this journal.

oh yea, I almost forgot. I mentioned this a couple of months ago....but, I never really expounded on what the whole story was. So here goes:
When I was a little boy....I mean a LITTLE boy, I can remember having a disturbing revelation. Ever since I can remember there has been this painting in the garage, of my parents house. The painting was apparently painted by some distant relative that I have no ties too, communication with, or knowledge of. The painting is of an African woman with earrings on. I can remember when I was very small, probably 2-3 years old, and looking at that painting..and realizing...that it was NOT my mother, and being quite upset by it. I remember sitting on the patio of my parents house, and being quite upset at that revalation. Now, about two years ago...when I was back at my parents house in good ol Lombard, I took the painting, and have had it ever since. I only recently had a picture taken of it, and have come out of the closet as the closeted african-woman loving man that I know myself to be now.
referral logs
• family pictures

This is what Sue said about the picture of the african woman:
Just to let you know- that IS your real mother- we just didn't want to tell you.
is this not the cutest picture of Richard and his dog Ahab? I am going to the dress rehearsal tonight for HMC's Christmas show. Richard is dressing up as a nun! I gotta see this!

Tuesday, November 27, 2001

Ahhh....a day off

Ahhh....a day off
The obvious might still surprise you when it happens. Do things differently this time if you don't want to go around the same circle again. Compromise opens the door for immediate or gradual improvement.
It's FREEZING here:
So I finally got a day off.....long story.....but Old Navy has been giving me the shaft...this week they scheduled me 5.5 hours, and that to known as the shaft!

From Leila:
my friend elizabeth wrote to me and told me that there's this stray kitten who has been hanging around outside her apartment door and so she's been taking care of it because she feels bad and its so col out. so she asked me if i had any suggestions on what to name it and i said how about "D.C." for damn cat. sometimes my bitterness really makes me chuckle. like i can't possibly get any more bitter so i'll just laugh about how bitter i really am. hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
BREAKING NEWS from -- U.S. Marines deployed in southern Afghanistan attack armored column near Kandahar. 
BREAKING NEWS from Doctors create human embryo through cloning, scientists at Massachusetts lab announce.

Does this shit ever stop? I'm so weary of this war....I can't even tell you. I am sick of telling people my opinion, because people always come back with "you're not an American" or some bullshit like that...whatever.... I saw Phil Donahue on Rosie the other day, and he was saying that dissent in this country is at an all time low, and that's what makes this country great...DISSENT people. I also agreed with him about a multitude of other things, but it's sort long winded to get into it right now. 
Yes, BJ, I do love the bjork stuff that you have posted....if only the files weren't so HUGE!...I's not your hoo! 
Okay, I am getting together a wish list...for the of them is definitely is Playin' with My Friends: Bennett Sings the Blues just listen to the Stevie Wonder track from this...or at least a snippett of it!

While I'm at it listen to, Let's Fall in Love from Diane Schuur's new release...Swingin For Schuur....LOVE HER!
Everytime I get blue, or something hits me the wrong way.....first....I Have a Talk With God and then I know....everything could get worse..I am just one person who has this perception (read:warped-ass) of reality, and it's mine...I just need to realize that this world is full of people who have it WAY worse than me...I have a great life...a wonderfulhusband, a wonderful website, a wonderfully supportive Family, and I just need to realize it more often! So there!

Christmas Wish List:

Bjork: Homogenic
Diane Schuur: Swingin' For Schuur
Tony Bennett: Playin' with My Friends: Bennett Sings the Blues
Stevie Wonder: Songs In the Key of Life
Sinead O'Conner: Faith and Courage
Mary J. Blige: No More Drama
I KNOW there's tons more, but I don't have the sheet that I wrote them all down on...right now...


Elizabeth: A Biography of Britain's Queen: by Sarah H. Bradford
The Universe in a Nutshell Stephen Hawkins
Coldheart Canyon: Clive Barker

That's all I can think of now, but I'll have more when I get my damm wishlist going.....c'mon Firstar don't fail me now!

Wednesday, November 21, 2001

Passion and enthusiasm keep on growing. You luck into one of those perfect gatherings where no one wants to be the first to leave. Cool hearts are warming up, but they'll never melt.

Missed West Wing, but I at least got the description. 

At the First Lady's urging, Josh meets with a powerful women's caucus over the proposed language of a U.N. treaty banning prostitution while the president grapples with the possibility of a Mad Cow epidemic and ponders how much the public should know. Meanwhile, staffers are stunned at C.J.'s emotional outburst concerning the administration's renewal of its air base lease in a Mideast country that abuses its women. Some World War II veterans come to the White House to protest a pending Pearl Harbor exhibit at the Smithsonian and Bartlet is sued by an angry woman who intends to raise a public fuss over his remarks regarding the hot-potato issue of a national seat belt law.

Tuesday, November 20, 2001

Blast From The Past

Blast from the past!
Your esthetics expand to include something that was previously unappealing. Your world is big enough to hold someone else. Keep the door of your heart open for as long as you can.

Today is a welcomed day off. I am updating the webpage, and trying to get some stuff in order that has been neglected for the last week or so. I actually talked to Jhames yesterday. I was on my break at work, and lo and behold, my phone was ringing, and it was him. Who knew? He's apparently moving back to Denver, after getting sick of the cult in California. Glad to know that he's making good decisions. I also got an email from a friend of mine from Chicago, that is associated with the faerie's.

Well, well, well! I'm not surprised you found the faeries, Mr. Rosen.

How the hell are you? You sound great!

This is Web, of course (formery known as Bill). (I do all my writing as well as my personal life under the name Web Behrens, and have for a couple of years now.) I have a vague memory of the last time we saw each other -- briefly on Pride Day, right? Your KC chorus was singing with our former chorus, which was serendipitous, wasn't it? I do believe I was busy in the Osco parking lot trying to deal with the faerie contingent before we crashed the parade route.

Anyway, you posted to the digest a week or two back, and I was like, "Hmm, who's this chupacabra guy, formerly from Chicago?" I smiled when I clicked on your website and saw it was you. Hey, isn't "chupacabra" Spanish for "goat sucker" or something like that?

I am well. Single but having fun, meeting more guys these days, enjoying flirtations ... Also writing a ton, for the Tribune as well as the Chicago Free PRess and NewCity. My grandmother's plugging along at age 91 (92 in January), in spite of a few strokes. If I find out about any KC faeries, I'll let you know. I've met some in the past so I know they're there. Meanwhile, you and your honey should think about visiting Short Mountain in Tennessee sometime.
Blessed be,

Okay, I almost totally forgot about this, I was reading BJ and I managed to steal a acappela version of Hidden Place check it out, it's fabulous!
I'm getting more traffic, kids....thank you!
(Figures in parentheses refer to the last 7 days). 
Successful requests: 421,543 (105,432) 
Average successful requests per day: 5,588 (15,061) 
Successful requests for pages: 43,818 (9,516) 
Average successful requests for pages per day: 580 (1,359) 
Failed requests: 5,727 (434) 
Redirected requests: 108 (28) 
Distinct files requested: 1,212 (894) 
Corrupt logfile lines: 4 
Data transferred: 8,715 Mbytes (2,356 Mbytes) 
Average data transferred per day: 118,314 kbytes (344,795 kbytes)

Monday, November 19, 2001
Your emotional baggage weights the odds against you. That was then, this is now, and a new story is already in progress. Increase your effectiveness by determining what your new role will be.
Dear god, so much to report!
Would you like to recieve an email when I update my site? Join my notify list:

Well first of all, I've created a list, so that you can keep up to date on the updates with the site...(since there's so many these days!) Just put your email address in the box and join the list! I'll try to keep the spam to a minimum, but still letting everyone know about the site updates, in a timely fashion! Second, I got an email from Sue yesterday with more pictures of Madeline Rae so go and check those out! I had to work last night at my store, the old navy and it turned out to be more fun than I expected. I went in, not really wanting to work at all, because I seem to be having much more fun at the Barnes and Noble. Anyway, I went in, and they had me working in the back for a while and then, after a while, I was on the floor, helping customers, and my mood was much better after I had a rasberry mocha from my other job. So I had the little headset on, and I looked like an Old Navy queen! So today, I have to work at the cafe, 4-10pm. Richard is having dinner with Lee from the chorus so that they can rehearse a two-hand piano peice. I wish that I could be there, but alas, I'll be working like a fool. I told them to come in for some coffee after dinner, and Richard said that they would.

Got a wonderful email from Jeffrey
Hey darling,

Sorry I haven't called you back yet. My weekend was rather HECTIC!! I leave tomorrow for Paris and Amsterdam. I will call you when I get back. Planning on coming home on the 27th. Maybe??? Please have a safe and happy holiday.

Love ya,


I just love him so much, he's such a wonderful friend of mine! I am looking forward to working tonight, I think I am going to meet some new people, and try to get prepared for this upcoming week, after thanksgiving! On another sort of sad note, I was perusing journals last night (read: insomnia!) and I came across a picture of the New York City skyline pre-september 11th, and just thought that I would share it with you. Compare that, to the view from the Empire State Building right now.

Saturday, November 17, 2001

Calgon take me away!

Calgon take me away!
You feel good, and you're ready to talk about it. Under the Sagittarius Moon, Libra is a child in love with an early educational experience. Your presence of mind lets you appreciate the moment on many levels
Dear god, I had my first weekend night at the Barnes and Noble, last night, and it was insane! I think the insanity was heightened because of the whole Harry Potter phenomenon, but nevertheless, it was quite busy for the entire night. I was doing really well at the bar, making drinks and rocking out. All of the other co-workers said I was doing great, and then this manager woman "Donna" came up to me and said 'let Dustin tend to the bar' and I was a little pissed, because a) she didn't even ask anyone else how I was doing and b) she didn't tell me why I was being taken off and c) if she had asked any of the other employees that were working that night how I was doing, they would have said I was doing fine. Just bad management, plain and simple. I totally would complain about her and her really bad management technique, but I just let it roll off of me, and didn't let her get me upset. What a beeeyatch!
Oh yeah, there's a meteor shower tonight, so don't forget to watch

Friday, November 16, 2001

World AIDS day is coming up

I am no right wing freak, but this seems like a good site
The idea is a simple one: On December 1, use your regular weblog or newspage to link to resources about HIV/AIDS -- treatment, research, survival stories, memorials, safer sex resources -- whatever piques your interest and you believe would be of interest to your readers. (Here's an example from the group weblog MetaFilter on World AIDS Day 2000.) You may also choose to use your journal to tell a personal story about how the AIDS pandemic has affected your life or the lives of your family and friends. Perhaps you have created a unique remembrance of a loved one who has died, or a tribute to someone living with the disease. The unique thing about journals and weblogs and the like is that each has a slightly different audience. Usually, it's just the family, friends and peers of the publisher, and Link and Think offers you an opportunity to reach out to that distinct audience and share what you know and what you learn about HIV/AIDS. The people who create and maintain independent, personal websites are an enormously talented, generous and spirited bunch. And, among the myriad of us, we reach an significant readership. Won't you join us JOIN us, for a day at least, in continuing to educate that readership about the global AIDS crisis and how they can make a difference? Of course, as always, . Suggestions are always welcome. Thanks.

Thursday, November 15, 2001

Salvation Army caves

Salvation Army caves

Intensity is your middle name, your best friend and your guiding light. Loved ones and close associates are lucky to have such a force of nature on their side. Opponents might as well go home and hide.

Love the horoscope for today!
In response to strong pressure from anti-gay groups, the national office of the Salvation Army overturned the decision of its western division to offer health benefits to the domestic partners of it employees. "We've been listening to our internal and external constituencies, and we now confirm adherence to biblical principles concerning marriage and the family," said Theresa Whitfield, a Salvation Army spokeswoman
This is my letter to the President of the Salvation Army. For more information on this, just click the logo, and you'll be taken to the Human Rights Campaign site about this issue

Dear Mr. Busby: 

I am writing in response to your organization's recent decision to not extend domestic partner benefits for your employees. I think this decision is wrong, and I will tell you why. 

Your company has a long tradition of helping those in need, most recently, helping the victims of the September 11th tragedy and the recent plane crash in New York. If you can help these people in their dire time of need, what is it that is preventing you from extending that selflessness to your gay/lesbian employees? 

The media release that your spokesperson released had the quote "now, we are aligned with biblical principles", well isn't loving your neighbor a biblical principal? What I don't understand is your seemingly deft NON-understanding of biblical principles. When you extend love and compassion to victims of countless tragedies throughout this country, why do you draw the line at gay and lesbian people who are employed by your wonderful company. They too are human beings Mr. Busby. They too are in need of your compassion. By drawing a line and discarding your gay and lesbian employees like this, you are making a grave mistake. I hope you come to your senses soon. 

Please know that in the past, I have been a supporter of the Salvation Army, and that will stop completely, unless you reverse this short-sighted, offensive policy. 

Please forward any correspondence to the address below. 

William K. Rosen 

I also got this wonderful quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., which I think should be posted on here, as it pertains to the world's current circumstances, and also supports everything that I have said about this ill-fated war.

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it... Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate.... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." 
--Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hee Hee, and also got an email from the hysterical Betty Bowers

I've been working these past couple of days, I had orientation at Old Navy and Barnes and Noble and I think, (this is just my first impression) that I am going to like working at B & N much better than Old Navy. The interaction with the customers, the sheer amount of caffine intake, and the employees seem to be much more open and welcoming there. Case in point: I had my second full day yesterday and this woman that I am working with "Laura" is fabulous. I pretty much came out to them, and they had no problem, and then, after a couple of hours working with them she said to me "Now I don't want to quit, because working with you would make it all worth the bullshit!" I just about cried. So, during work yesterday, Shicky called and invited me to go to the symphony tonight, and hear

Hélène Grimaud Piano 
Anne Manson Conductor
KC Symphony Chorus 

Janácek Suite from The Fiddler's Child
Bartók Concerto for Piano No. 3
Prokofiev Alexander Nevsky, op. 78

Although, she said that they were supposed to perform yesterday, but the French chick cancelled, so they won't be doing any Bartok tonight....sort of a slap in the face to the symphony, she said....drama drama. Needless to say, I'm terribly excited to go hear the Symphony Chorus here in KC. I haven't heard it yet, and I want to compare it to the CSOC, I know it won't be as good, but nonetheless, I'm still interested in hearing it.
Oh, and I also found a picture of Cathy Lee Crosby....I know what you're about to say, Bill, you're what?

I have been politically active it!

Inbox for
William Rosen Message from a concerned citizen Nov 15 2k 
William Rosen Please Co-Sponsor the Domestic Partnership Benefits...Nov 15 2k 
William Rosen As A Constituent Thank You for Co-Sponsoring H.R. 1342/S. 625...Nov 15 2k 
William Rosen Message from a concerned citizen Nov 15 2k 

Tuesday, November 13, 2001

The Five Stages of Acceptance of Blogaholism

You run the risk of overreaching. Know who is on the other end of a deal before making an inappropriate bid or foolish offer. Consult with a partner at each stage of the game.

A vote-by-vote review of untallied ballots in the 2000 Florida presidential election commissioned by the nation's main media outlets shows Al Gore edged ahead of George W. Bush "under all the scenarios for counting all undervotes and overvotes statewide," the DRUDGE REPORT has learned. APCNNNYTWASHPOSTLATIMESNEWSDAYCHICAGOTRIB will splash in Monday editions an election review which will ignite total controversy during a time of war, publishing sources told DRUDGE on Sunday. MORE Bush would have narrowly prevailed in the partial recounts sought by Gore, but Gore could have "reversed the outcome -- by the smallest of margins -- had he pursued and gained a complete statewide recount," according to one interpretation of the database compiled by the monstermedia consortium. [Each media outlet will produce a news analysis based on the database product.] Under any standard that counted all disputed votes in Florida, Gore erased Bush's advantage and emerged with a tiny lead that ranged from 42 to 171 votes. Gore followed a legal strategy that would have led to his defeat even if it had not been rejected by the U.S. Supreme Court, according to one interpretation set for publication. Gore sought a recount of a small number of disputed ballots while the review indicates his only chance lay in a course he advocated publicly but did not pursue in court -- a full statewide recount of untallied votes! Gore took a 171-vote lead when the consortium tried to recreate how each county said it would handle a court-ordered statewide recount, and a 42-vote lead under what was called the "Palm Beach standard". MORE All outcomes were closer than the 537 votes of Bush's official victory, the media outlets will claim, while noting it would be impossible to interpret the survey results as definitive, with such narrow margins in all directions.
The Five Stages of Acceptance of Blogaholism
1) Denial: 'Me? You think I blog too much? Yeah? According to whom?? By what high and mighty standard am I being judged? You wanna see someone who blogs too much?? I'll show you someone who blogs too much - than you'll see...' (runs off to write blog entry about the confrontation). 

2) Anger: ' Well, blog you!! You heard me - shove it up your blogging ass! You're always on my blogging back about blog like this ... I've had it up to my motherblogging eyes with your blogging complaining...' (runs off to have 'blog' tattooed on four knuckles of one hand, and 'post' tattooed on the other hand)

3) Depression: ' MY CONNECTION IS DOWN!!!! OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod!!!!' (writes blog by hand on a scrap of paper... twenty minutes later, writes another) 

4) Bargaining: ' Puh-leeeeez let me write one more blog entry ... [sob] ... puh-leeeez ... [sob] ... I just want to post one more - I won't blog anymore today [sniff] ... thanks ...' (runs off to write blog at 11:45pm ... 15 minutes before tomorrow) 

5) Acceptance: 'Yeah, yeah, fine ... yeah, I blog ... too ... yeah, yeah ... much ... I am listening to you ... yeah... blogging ... to much ... does 'tomorrow' have two M's? ... fine, fine, whatever ... yeah, fine ... just let me get this typed... 
12 steps of recovery if you are a blogaholic
... 1) admitted you are powerless over blogging (uh - but don't make that admission in your blog, okay?) 

2 ) came to believe that a power greater than blogging could restore your sanity, like journal writing or ... i know! i know! an online diary! 

3) made a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of someone who doesn't have an internet connection. wait - do you know anyone offline? 

4) made a searching and fearless inventory of all of your blog accounts and all of the passwords, wrote them on a piece of paper which was then swallowed. 

5) admitted to 'ZumaGrrl69' on irc that you are addicted to blogasms* 

6) were entirely ready to have the telco remove your DSL line (ouch) 

7) humbly asked the 24-hour internet cafe down the street to delete your account. 

8) made a list of all the bloggers you had insulted, dissed, and generally pissed off, and were willing to travel the country stalking them in order to apologize in person. 

9) paid restitution to such people wherever possible, as prescribed by the court order you received after being sued for harrassment on AIM. 

10) continued to take personal inventory and pack your things so you could skedaddle out of town because the apologies you continued to make were getting annoying. hey, at least you're trying. 

11) sought through visits to the local malls to improve your conscious contact with real human beings, paying for the lunches of those you didn't immediately creep out (NB don't wear the 'bloggers do it hourly' t-shirt) 

12) tried to carry this message to other blogaholics, and to practice these principles until it got more all-consuming than blogging did. 

Monday, November 12, 2001
Seduction implies that mutual consent has yet to be reached. This time, however, the volunteers are lined up and waiting. When the Moon is in Libra, you notice much more synchronicity than usual.
For the love of PETE why can't I sleep? Okay, let's just dive into the mailbag for today, and see what my night was like last night! 

02:01:27am: Read this really interesting speech by our former President. You may not agree with exactly what this man has to say, but you have to at least say that he is an amazing figure, troubled, but an amazingly brilliant man.

02:12:04am: Read this hysterical "Five Steps of Blogaholism". I posted that down below.

03:01:29am: Somehow, through blog pages, got to this hysterical page:The Only Gay Eskimo

03:06:36am: Checked my hotmail account, and saw that BJ referered me over to it's a pretty cool resource, and I submitted my site on to the search engine.

03:09:36 am: This is so hysterical, not to make fun of the Taliban or anything, but this too much!

What the fuck is this?
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Sunday, November 11, 2001

a lettah from my wonderful sistah

a lettah from my wonderful sistah

This may not be absolute perfection, but it's the next best thing. You're in an ideal position to give the world something that it truly needs. If there are generous side benefits for you, so much the better.

This is a letter from my sister, re: my article that I posted. I shouldn't have posted that, because 1.) it wasn't serious, I wasn't thinking right, and I had no intention of going through with anything of the sort and 2) it illicits this type of response. I love everyone for caring, I was just not thinking right that day..I haven't been thinking right for the last couple of weeks, and that entry was a culmination of shitty things that happened in my life, and they all ended with that stupid article. Let me just apologize now for that. Needless to say, this is the response that my fabulous sister had to it:

Hey Billy, 

It's Mary here. 

I just wrote this note for like a 1/2 hour and somehow I deleted it-but let me say that it was quite a letter. Let me see if I can reiterate my thoughts. I was writing in response to your "reporting from KC" and I am on the verge of tears and am upset. I know you said that you were just having a rough day. I wanted to share some things with you. 

Basically, I wanted to say that I realize you are struggling with stuff now. Struggling with finding value with your time, finding a job, and being a burden to others. What I wanted to share is that peoples' perceptions of their own reality and the reality of others- is just that - a perception. Basically, as perfect and on tract as others may seem, it is never the case. I spent hours on Sunday crying because I felt like I had made a mistake in taking this new teaching job. I felt that I was no good at it, and gotten in way over my head, was out of my league, found no happiness in my teaching, and found little value to the job in general. I was ready to quit on MOnday. Seriously quit and not go back. I wasn't even sure what the hell I was going to do- but I convinced myself that this was surely not it. You might say-but you have a job. But to me, that's not the point. We ask ourselves, is this what I was put on the earth to do? I'd place a big wager that it is not. So as great as others' lives may seem- they struggle too. Struggle with jobs, with money, with feeling burdensome to the ones they love. I asked JOhn on Sunday after my day of drama, "is it hard being married to Me?" He said of course not- but we struggle with the thought of being a burden to others. 

Bill, we are proud of you and your life. We are happy that you spend your live and invest your life in Richard. We comment all the time about your sense of humor, how you really don't care what others think-most of us try to do that but you really do it. we think it is the coolest thing how you write to your representative, and to the president, and to the Queen for God's sake. You do things about it, not just complain about it. Your website is inspiring, and I find it a comfort to read about you and your life with Richard, and all of the interesting people you meet, and things that you do and music that you listen to. You travel the road less traveled. You may percieve yourself as a failure-not living up to the "rosen standards" whatever that is. I strongly disagree. I don't think that and I take exception to the thought. You should be proud of yourself and don't let perceptions interfere with that. We want our love for you to be a source of comfort, not a source of distress. We don't sit around and gossip about how you haven't found a job. Who cares anyway? As nuts as it sounds, you can look at this time as a gift. A gift from God. To explore, to struggle and to find a path. It may not be a perfect path, but the point I'm trying to get across is that no one's path is perfect, even though it seems that way. Take comfort in the things you have in your life. Richard. Music. A nice cup of coffee. A family who cares and loves you very much. An older sister who would do anything for you to help you find peace in your life. As cliche as this sounds, I believe with all my heart that in times such as this, when things are going to shit fast, that seeking advice and comfort from people who can help is admirable. Whoever those people are in your life is up to you. A mate, a friend, a stranger, a priest, a counselor etc. whoever. Bi, we love you and I wish you peace in your life. You will find a path soon, I promise you. I love you Bill. Sorry if I rambled on, but I couldn't really talk after reading your things, so I thought I'd just write a bit. Take care. I love you.

Isn't she the best....??? Now, Mary, and all others, go and check out my most recent article on, and see that things are much better. I detailed the dream that I dreamt last night, in this journal too, but you get the idea that everything has come full circle from that horrible day, and that now I have two jobs!

Saturday, November 10, 2001

Moderation is healthy. Seek comfort instead of pushing at the outer edges. If you can't lower your expectations, at least extend your timeline to accomplish them at a more reasonable pace.

"The wrong man was inaugurated on January 20th 2001 and this is no small thing in our nation's history. The bell of this election can never be unrung and the sound will haunt us for some time."
From "Too Close to Call"
Jeffrey Toobin, 01-Oct-02

I sent Leila a porn picture on my hotmail account and this is what her reply is:
So help me God I will put a block on you. SO not even kidding. Ok dork. Write back.

"Does this man need lens crafters or what? I mean, even Stevie Wonder could see that this baby looks just like him"
"Kenya" -on the Maury show talking about her baby's potential father on the show '2 angry mothers, 1 man, Is he the Daddy?'

So I had a dream. I woke up quite early this morning abut 6am, and had the lingering effects of a hangover, but it wasn't too bad. So I got up, watched some t.v., got online for the briefest bit, and then went back to sleep at about 9 or so....something like that..who really knows. Richard got up at about 8 or so, came downstairs and it was right as he was leaving for the gym, that I laid my head down to sleep again. So, I was living in this old run down, two story schoolhouse with my little sister Patrice. All the school children would come and attend classes on the second floor of our house everyday. Patrice was the only child that would act out, she was turning evil on the school teacher. So the dream picks up where I was running up to the house, to get Patrice out of the classroom for some urgent reason. I managed to convince the old, rachety schoolteacher (read: Miss Havisham) to let her out of class, and she finally agreed. I took Patrice, and led her down the stairs to the outside deck. She grabbed my hand (she was about two feet tall, she was like 3 years old) and she had so much strength, it was like she was a grown up. I led her outside, and she said to me "you motherfucker, I'll kill you!" She went back upstairs into the classroom. So the next thing that I remember is being very scared of Patrice in general. She was the only child still upstairs, all the other children had left for the day, and I went up the stairs to the classroom, and there was a gate at the top of the stairs, that you had to open from the top. (read: doggie-gate thing, small children, stairs) So I said, "Patrice, I don't think that you are ready to come down yet...." , and she shot me this horrible, evil look through the gate, and sort of made a motion like a dog, biting the air. So I said "No, you're certainly not ready, Mrs. Instructor (the teacher was the only person up on the second floor with her, still cleaning up after the day's lesson) I don't think that Patrice is ready to come down about the idea that Patrice should stay up there all night." Patrice was getting upset "you motherfucker, you're gonna die anyway" So I said to the teacher, "we're going to tie Patrice up, and not let her have any food" and the teacher (Miss Havisham) yelled at me saying "DON'T YOU PLAY GAMES WITH ME!", so I ran out of the house, thinking that the teacher was going to let her out of the second floor, and I am waiting to kill Patrice thinking that she is going to kill me. I am there in the yard for a couple of minutes, waiting ....outside in the yard, right in front of the house, when Roz from "Night Court" comes running out of the house (I didn't know that she was IN the house) and says "Baby, we got to go....that bitch is crazy" and throws a legal peice of paper at me. I say "well, I need to get my wallet and my shoes" and Roz says "alright, but just don't let her think that you are not letting her take a bath, because she gets really pissed, and she's gonna kill someone", and runs to her car. The minute I stepped inside, I can remember Richard opening the glass door of out house, and listening as the keys went in the lock, the sound of the door opening, and then closing; and me waking up. If you didn't know before, and you had to come to this realization
I am clearly...insane

What's up with this dream? 
I just got this great article from a great source of Radical Faerie information that I subscribe to:
Mainstream journalists in the United States often function more like a fourth branch of government than a feisty fourth estate. If anything, the patterns of media bias that characterize sycophantic reporting in "peacetime" are amplified during a war or a national security crisis. Since the tragic events of September 11, the separation between press and state has dwindled nearly to the vanishing point. If we had an aggressive, independent press corps, our national conversation about the terrorist attacks that demolished the World Trade Center towers in New York and damaged the Pentagon would be far more probing and informative. Here are some examples of questions that reporters ought to be asking President Bush:
Before the attacks in New York and Washington, your administration quietly tolerated Saudi Arabian and Pakistani military and financial aid for the Taliban regime, even though it harbored terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden. But now you say fighting terrorism will be the main focus of your administration. By making counter-terrorism the top priority in bilateral relations, aren't you signaling to abusive governments in Sudan, Indonesia, Turkey and elsewhere that they need not worry much about their human rights performance as long as they join America's anti-terrorist crusade? Will you barter human rights violations like corporations trade pollution credits? Will you condone, for example, the brutalization of Chechnya in exchange for Russian participation in the "war against terrorism"? Or will you send a message loud and clear to America's allies that they must not use the fight against terrorism as a cover for waging repressive campaigns that smother democratic a! spirations in their own countries? 
Terrorists finance their operations by laundering money through offshore banks and other hot money outlets. Yet your administration has undermined international efforts to crack down on tax havens. Last May, you withdrew support for a comprehensive initiative launched by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), which sought greater transparency in tax and banking practices. In the wake of the September 11 massacre, will you reassess this decision and support the OECD proposal, even if it means displeasing wealthy Americans and campaign contributors who avoid paying taxes by hiding money in offshore accounts? 
Four months ago, U.S. officials announced that Washington was giving $43 million to the Taliban for its role in reducing the cultivation of opium poppies, despite the Taliban's heinous human rights record and its sheltering of Islamic terrorists of many nationalities. Doesn't this make the U.S. government guilty of supporting a country that harbors terrorists? Do you think your obsession with the "war on drugs" has distorted U.S. foreign policy in Southwest Asia and other regions? 
According to U.S., German and Russian intelligence sources, Osama bin Laden's operatives have been trying to acquire enriched uranium and other weapons-grade radioactive materials for a nuclear bomb. There are reports that in 1993 bin Laden's well-financed organization tried to buy enriched uranium from poorly maintained Russian facilities that lacked sufficient controls. Why has your administration proposed cutting funds for a program to help safeguard nuclear materials in the former Soviet Union? 
On September 23rd, you announced plans to make public a detailed analysis of the evidence gathered by U.S intelligence and police agencies that proves Osama bin Laden and his cohorts are guilty of the terrorist attacks in New York and the Pentagon. But the next day your administration backpedaled. "As we look through [the evidence]," explained Secretary of State Colin Powell, "we can find areas that are unclassified and it will allow us to share this information with the public. But most of it is classified." Please explain this sudden flip-flop. How can we believe what you say about fighting terrorism if your administration can't make its case publicly with sufficient evidence? How do you expect to win the support of governments and people who otherwise might suspect Washington's motives, particularly some Muslim and Arab nations?
Exactly who is a terrorist, and who is not? When the CIA was busy doling out an estimated $2 billion to support the Afghan mujahadeen in the 1980s, Osama bin Laden and his colleagues were hailed as anti-communist freedom fighters. During the cold war, U.S. national security strategists, many of whom are riding top saddle once again in your administration, didn't view bin Laden's fanatical religious beliefs as diametrically opposed to western civilization. But now bin Laden and his ilk are unabashed terrorists. Definitions of what constitutes terror and terrorism seem to change with the times. Before he became vice president, Dick Cheney and the U.S. State Department denounced Nelson Mandela, leader of the African National Congress, as a terrorist. Today Mandela, South Africa's president emeritus, is considered a great and dignified statesman. And what about Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, who bears significant responsibility for the 1982 massacre of 1,800 innoc! ents at the Sabra and Shatila refugee camps in Lebanon. What role will Sharon play in your crusade against international terrorism?
There's been a lot of talk lately about unshackling the CIA and lifting the alleged ban on CIA assassinations. Many U.S. officials attribute the CIA's inability to thwart the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington to rules that supposedly have prohibited the CIA from utilizing gangsters, death squad leaders and other "unsavory" characters as sources and assets. Why don't you set the record straight, Mr. President, and acknowledge there were always gaping loopholes in these rules, which allowed such activity to continue unabated? It's precisely this sort of dubious activity-enlisting unsavory characters to advance U.S. foreign policy objectives-which set the stage for tragic events on September 11th. It's hardly a secret that the CIA trained and financed Islamic extremists to topple the Soviet-backed regime in Afghanistan. Some of the same extremists supported by the CIA, most notably bin Laden, have since turned their psychotic wrath against the United States.! Instead of rewarding the CIA with billions of additional dollars to fight terrorism, shouldn't you hold accountable those shortsighted and perilously naïve U.S. intelligence officials who ran the covert operation in Afghanistan that got us into this mess? 
John Negroponte, the new U.S. ambassador the United Nations, says he intends to build an international anti-terrorist coalition. During the mid-1980s, Negroponte was involved in covering up right-wing death squad activity and other human rights abuses in Honduras when he served as ambassador to that country. Doesn't Negroponte's role in aiding and abetting state terrorism in Central America undermine the moral authority of the United States as it embarks upon a crusade against international terrorism? 
The attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon brought home the frightening extent to which U.S. citizens and installations are vulnerable to terrorist attacks. If terrorists hit a nuclear power plant, it could result in an enormous public health disaster. In the interest of protecting national security, why haven't you ordered the immediate phase-out of the 103 nuclear power plants that are currently operating in the United States? Why doesn't your administration emphasize safe, renewable energy alternatives such as solar and wind power, which would not invite terrorism? 
After years of successful lobbying against rigorous safety procedures, the heads of the airline industry will receive a multibillion-dollar taxpayer bailout for their ailing companies. Given your support for the airline rescue package, do you now agree that letting the free market run its course won't resolve all our economic and social problems? (That's what anti-globalization activists have been saying all along.) And if airlines deserve a bailout, how about a multibillion-dollar rescue package for human needs like health and education? Why aren't we bailing out our under-funded public schools, our insolvent hospitals, our national railroads and other elements of our dilapidated social infrastructure?
September 11th will be remembered as a day of infamy in the United States because of the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington. In Chile, September 11th is also remembered as the day when a U.S.-backed coup toppled the democratically elected government of Salvador Allende in 1973, initiating a reign of terror by General Augusto Pinochet. Given your administration's avowed stance against terrorism, will you cooperate with the various international legal cases that are honing in on ex-Secretary of State Henry Kissinger for colluding with Pinochet's murderous regime? 
You say you're a loving man, Mr. President, but you must feel unrequited for no empire has ever been loved by its subjugants, and that's what the USA is-an empire. You talk as though the United States has in no way contributed to the spread of fanaticism around the globe. As hideous as it might sound, there are many people on the planet who consider the September 11th attacks a response-however twisted or demented-to U.S. actions. If the killing of innocent people in New York and Washington is indefensible, and surely it is, then why do U.S. officials defend American air strikes that kill innocent civilians in Iraq, Sudan, Serbia and Afghanistan? More than 500,000 Iraqi children under age 5 have died as a result of the 1990 Gulf War, subsequent economic sanctions and ongoing U.S. bombing raids against Iraq. Will your planned actions lead to a similar fate for the children of Afghanistan? 
What will you accomplish if you bomb Afghanistan? Wouldn't this galvanize Islamic fundamentalist movements that are already powerful in Algeria, Egypt, Pakistan, Sudan, the oil-rich Arab monarchies and the Balkans? Wouldn't a U.S.-led military onslaught against Afghanistan be the fastest way to create a new generation of terrorists? Adept at manipulating real grievances, terrorist networks breed on poverty, despair and social injustice. Do you think you can wipe out or even reduce this scourge, Mr. President, without seriously and systematically addressing the root causes of terrorism? 

Martin A. Lee ( is the author of Acid Dreams and The Beast Reawakens.
Oh, and I also changed the link on the picture of Patsy, to link to the REAL Absolutely Fabulous official site!

Edina is facing a crisis. Bubble has e-mailed Edina’s personal address book and correspondence to rival PR person Claudia Bing (Celia Imrie) and the only client left on Edina’s books is Twiggy "I’ve been in worse trouble before. I shall rise again like the Pheonix!" Eddy declares. Twiggy however, has other ideas. With her empire crumbling before her eyes, Edina knows that something has to give. Saffy arranges an MA (Menopause Anonymous) meeting to give a reluctant Patsy and Eddy the chance to share their feelings and learn to love their hormone patches with an array of weird and wonderful women. After a visit to her gynaecologist, going through "the change" begins to have a dramatic effect on Patsy. A new, altogether fluffier Patsy - a domestic goddess begins to break through her hardened veneer. Will she ever be the same again?

Friday, November 9, 2001

Dinner and another job finally!
Someone expects the world of you. Partial delivery may be all that you can manage right now. Under the Virgo Moon, Libra is its own most severe critic. Lighten up and celebrate your actual accomplishments
I just got hired for a part-time position at Barnes and Noble!

Also, go and check out the E-ad that I designed for A HOLIDAY FIESTA! that Richard is putting together for the church in December. You can also download the Word document that is the same thing 
Got an email from my ex Brian

Hey,hey,hey, Whats up Bill. 
I read your e-mails and looked through your website. Love it. Yes, it is BRIAN SHEA ON THE COMPUTER!!!(I think I just saw a pig fly by) I got free e-mail at the library at the goading of a "friend" of mine(I'll go more into stuff about her later.) I still dont know that much about using this machine, there is a lot of stuff with the e-mail I dont even know what its for. All I know how to do is check messages, send messages,and surf the net. Its a pretty interesting place,addictive actually. I havent looked up any porn yet! So much has happened with my life, where do I start? I guess I'll start in a sort of chronological order. My romantic life sucks, suprise suprise. I was seeing this guy from Mexico, Hector(yes, one of my "ethnic types")for a while, but he just stopped calling back in September. I met him at Berlin one Disco Night (yes I still go there) back in February. It was weeks before I actually talked to him, and some more weeks before we got together. We got along wonderfully, however, so we kept in touch. We went on a few dates, had phone sex(but not in-the-flesh-sex),I never even kissed the guy. Well he just never called me back,yada yada yada, you know the story. After you moved out, this straight guy that I work with named Frank moved in. He lived there,well, till this September. Time goes by so quickly, and my memory gets fuzzy(god, I sound so OLD!) So much shit happened this September! Anyway, I had this "friend" named Connie, who I met through Toni. I dont think you ever met her. Consider yourself blessed. Nobody I know likes her. First of all she is one of those people who acts like they've known you forever and they met you once! She has two kids but she is hardly ever with them,instead she spends her time running around the city doing whatever,mostly hanging out on Belmont, she is loud and obnoxious, and says racist things about white people(Connie's black),and has a habit of mooching and staying at other peoples places.(and she's a born-again-Christian!?) Which brings me to the point of this tale. She somehow latched onto me(very much like a leech)and started "hanging out" with me consisting of showing up at work and loitering around, mooching food from me and my co-workers, then we would go to a club, or walk or a carriage ride or sometimes I would get free ice cream at Ghirradelli were she worked for a time(ok,so there was some advantages to her mooching and hanging out with her), then she would plop herself down on MY BED(you know how I am about my space) and stay the night, often for days or weeks at a time! This became a real problem,especially because she got on Mike and Frank's nerves. Frank HATED her, and they got into many a spat. I kept trying to get rid of her but she kept coming back, like a bad dinner! I never knew someone this bad before! She just came in and made herself at home, using the phone constancly(a little word joke, her full name is Constance). So the time came for a new lease and Frank and Mike were going to move out. I was having a really hard time finding two roomates, and I really did not want to move, and since she was already basically moved in, I finally just gave up and asked her to move in. I knew it was a really big mistake, everybody told me so,but I didnt think I really had a choice, and I hoped maybe we'd be wrong. Well we were right. We signed the lease. Connie layed around the apartment all August. She had(s) no job,mind you. Now this is with no other roomate,so the rent is split two ways and shes lying around watching tv and calling Orlando,Florida. So September comes around and we dont have the rent. Two weeks later we get a five day notice from June. So I call this organization called the Chicago Homeless Prevention fund(well to Connie's credit, she knows her shit about social services) and I got an appointment. Ironically it was on the 11, which was also the last due date for rent. So the place agrees to pay the rent in full, all I had to do was take this sheet of paper to June for her to sign saying that she would accept the money and a check would arrive in the mail. Well June came to my door that night saying she wouldnt sign the paper,that she didnt really know what it was,and it wasnt the actual money anyway,so she was going to call her lawyer. We stayed there through September,with Connie's kids staying there occasionally(that was fun). Toward the end of the month a cop came to my door issuing a supena for us. We were to go to court to try to get us evicted. Connie was in Orlando visiting her boyfriend(she was fucking her manager from Ghiradelli). Well by this time I decided I'd had enough and decided to move in with my friend Tim, who used to work at Whole Foods with me. Luckily he just happend to have a roomate move out. So I moved September 31(and had to go back the next day to get rid of more stuff in the apartment). June was there the whole move, it drove me and my brothers insane. Well, the last time I talked to Connie was when I was moving and havent talked to her since(which is kind of a good thing). Needless to say, she never came to court. We ended up having to pay Septembers rent (1,100)plus court costs which actually means I have to pay it. Plus all the bills (She racked up a nice hefty long distance phone bill). Anyway my new apartment is nice, comfortable, I feel right at home, and it has a back porch and laundry is free! Tim is an artist too, so maybe I'll get to painting again. It's somewhat inconviently located, six blocks from the red line. It's actually basically at Clark and Devon, which has the terminal for the Clark, Broadway, and Sheridan buses, but the buses take forever to wait for and take. But basically I love the place. I'm an uncle! My brother Matt and his wife Pam had a baby! He was born in September. His name is Colin David Shea. I cant believe my brother is a dad. So I'm looking forward to being "Weird Uncle Brian"; "Colin lets play with tarot cards", "lets do some yoga","Did you know some people think of the moon as a goddess". It will be fun. My youngest brother Jason(the one you thought was hot), got married this summer to a woman named Chantale. It was a totally Irish affair, green and plaids everywhere, and Uilliane piper(it's somewhat like a bagpipe, but not as annoying). The food was excellent, the music left something to be desired, and there was a kick-ass ice sculpture of a Celtic knot with a Cladaugh heart-and-crown design. It was good seeing people I havent seen in a long time and Pams brother,Scott(who I think is hot) took off his shirt on the dancefloor. It was kind of strange and innapropriate but yummy to see anyway(he's a raver-type, so I think he might have been gone on something) It was at a place called Indian Lakes Resort in Roselle. My family and some other guests stayed the night, my brother Darin and I rented a room and hung out with the other people in the wedding party. A good time was had by all and I met some cool people (who all know about me and were really cool about it). So how are you? Well, I kind of know already, through perusing your website. My friend Alex and I were looking through it last night. Guess what she got me for my birthday? A hot pink, glittery, vibrating,DILDO! Needless to say we had some laughs. I feel we probably feel similarly about this whole terrorist/war thing. You went skydiving! How exciting! I'm envious. I've always wanted to do that. Were you scared at all? I'd probably be a wreck right before the jump. It looks like your hair grew out. I remember you bald! Did you get my Halloween card? I just had to send you that. If they have any left, I'm going to get one for myself and use it as a Halloween decoration. You not only have seen witches, you lived with one! Speaking of Halloween(as you might remember, my favorite holiday), how was yours? From what I gather you went to see some performance? I went to a pumpkin carving/Halloween party on Saturday and I went to Circuit and Berlin briefly with John on Halloween. I dressed as a gypsy, although most people thought I was a pirate. It was ok, I had a better time last Halloween. I wore that Army uniform that I have and let me tell you, that things a boy magnet! I should wear it more often! I met a really CUTE, Abercrombie and Fitch but dark type guy last year(but I lost him in the crowd at Berlin, alway a regret) This year Circuit had the place looking really cool. They have this sort of torch/chandelier thing and it had a huge Jack-o-lantern in the middle and autumn leaves and orange lights around the top, and various lit Jack-o-lanterns hanging from the ceiling. It was kind of Nightmare Before Christmas, but more orange. Anyway I,ve got to go. Sorry for the small book I've written. My next message won't be a book, more like a small article, or note, you get the idea. Take care.
Love, Light, And Blessings,
P.S. I'm very glad to hear you quit smoking. Congratulations! 

Tuesday, November 6, 2001

Pats and Eddy

Could I love Blake Harper more than I do already? He is just so HOT! AND, newly single. Not like I'm looking or anything, but Jesus Christ! And speaking of hotties, what about Hayden Christensen? Or you could just listen to The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
Coughing and spluttering their way into the 21st century, Pats and Eddy return as gloriously outrageous as ever and fully stocked for a new season of over-indulgence. Edina (Jennifer Saunders) has moved with the times, expanding from PR to the interactive world of television production. Patsy (Joanna Lumley) has been promoted to Managing Editor of her glossy magazine - despite her continuing use of banned substances. Edina's daughter Saffy (Julia Sawalha) continues her attempts to move out of her mother's house by attaching herself to various New Labour committees as well as beginning to write plays for fringe theatre. Edina's mother (June Whitfield) has taken up salsa dancing and surfing for porn. Jane Horrocks now plays both the scatter-brained production assistant Bubble and a brand new character, Katy Grin, a saccharine sweet TV host with a ruthless streak and a The world has changed since 1996, when AB FAB last aired, and so too has the world of Pats and Eddy. Not only has Bolly been replaced with "Veuve and Bourb" (champagne and bourbon), but in 21st century world of reality television and celebrity worship, the focus of their lives has shifted as well. Indeed, Saunders, who writes the series, could not resist seeing how her comic creations would fare in "a world of SEX AND THE CITY slickness." "The idea of celebrity," says Saunders, "is probably the biggest change in the new series. Eddy's got a production company because it seems everyone has one. It's turned into a world of presenters - minor celebrities famous for reading off the (teleprompter)." Not to fear, however, Pats and Eddy remain their chain-smoking, booze- swilling, trend-chasing selves. Some of the debauchery featured in the new season: - Patsy convinces Edina to grow old gracefully with the help of Parralox injections to freeze her wrinkles. - Pats and Eddy go moshing at a Marilyn Manson concert. - The pair visit Paris (and Christian Lacroix) when Patsy does a fashion shoot with supermodel Erin O'Connor. - Edina embarks on a detox regime and enrolls herself in a British Military fitness program. - Pats & Eddy trip over themselves to get Saffy's autobiographical play cancelled as it is set to open. - Pats and Eddy go to an MA (Menopause Anonymous) meeting in an effort to share their feelings and learn to love their hormone patches. The new season also features dazzling celebrity appearances by Twiggy, Christian Lacroix, EASTENDER Michael Greco, supermodel Erin O'Connor, Crispin Bonham-Carter (Helena's brother), French actor Sacha Distel, Marianne Faithfull and Anita Pallenberg. Originally broadcast in 1992, ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS returned to the BBC in August with outstanding ratings, commanding 35% of the available audience (8.28 million). The series is the winner of two International Emmy awards and three BAFTAs.

Judging Amy and Smallville

Creative excuses show what you could do after purging yourself of guilt and inadequacy. Other people's emotions are their business, not yours. Once you've apologized to your satisfaction, the case is closed.
here's an email I sent my sister-n-law...Sue


1. Oh my GOD I know I haven't talked to you in forever, I apologize I've been really busy (yeah whatever Bill, yo ass is still gainfully unemployed!) 

2. Oh my God, please note (for your amazement), the time of this email. Yeah, that's right, it's like 4am, and I am still online, fighting and being defeated by my latest bought with insomnia....that has lasted like two weeks....which shows no signs of going anywhere......which is making me go slowly insane.... 

3. Okay, so I had a dream about you (and it may just be me and my wacked out insomnia mind take this with a grain of salt) but... we were getting MARRIED! That's right Sue, BILL and SUE, getting married. All I remember is that I was deathly afraid of the night of the wedding HAHAHAAAAHAHAHA (I almost cried I'm laughing so hard) and that I was sweating bullets. And I do remember sort of having an amourous feeling towards you, but more of a buddy sort of love, but the family pressure was too much, so I went through with it. OH GOD, isn't that just a KICK? I still laugh about that. "I had to laugh" (grandma rosen quote) 

4. Kiss Maddy for me. 

5. Say hi to Thom for me. 

6. I have been SO trying to get a job, it's not funny. This is the scenario that plays over and over and over ad naseaum: 
"Bill applies at Old Navy", Bill gets an interview at Old Navy, Bill is quite excited to actually be getting an interview after weeks and weeks of nothing. Bill goes to the interview, is interviewED, thinks it goes well. Man tells Bill "you'll know by Friday" Bill waits until 4pm on Friday to call Old Navy, and then Old Navy says "you'll either get a phone call, or a letter" Bill responds "well, I thought you told me that i would know by friday". Man says "you'll either get a letter or a phone call....thanks for calling...goodbye" Bill gets pissed and firebombs old navy. Bill gets arrested and thrown in jail.(OKAY, those last two weren't real, but you get my point)

7. Could I be more frustrated with the job search? 

8. I miss you and think about you guys often, I'll bet Maddy gets her drivers license soon right? 

9. I am going to try and get some sleep now, wish me luck. 

love and miss you SO much, 

p.s. did you get that George Bush speech thing I sent you...."I had to laugh".

Bill, Hi. How is your Tuesday coming along? "Judging Amy" is on tonight. God I can't wait to be busy again when I don't even know what comes on when anymore. Its disgusting. You know all last year I barely watched any "Ally McBeal". It had totally lost its charm on me but I caught a new episode last night and it was really good. The last thing I need is another show to get hooked on during my period of employment for God's sakes. My parents took me out for dinner last night. They really think I'm losing it. Ok that damn interview that I had yesterday. Well it was a relatively typical interview, tell us about yourself, your last position, yadda yadda yadda, and then the guy interviewing me (he seriously had to be younger than me or quite possibly my age but just looking REALLY young) so he says, as he's looking over my resume - quite possibly for the first time, ok he says, "OH YOU have a MASTERS DEGREE?" And I respond with "Yes." (meanwhile thinking in my head that I would really like plunge a steak knife through his heart he is THAT annoying) and then he has the gall, the AUDACITY to say "well we can pay you $8.50 an hour...maybe we could even bump that up to $9". I just stood up like ready to leave and he follows me and says that I will be contacted later on this week when they have reached their fucking decision and I had to muster all the strength within me to NOT throw his bleach blonde head through a wall. When I say that I will take anything at this point I mean nothing, absolutely nothing less than $27,000 a year. That to me is being desperate. I should seriously be able to find employment at 30 and above. I was like thanks you moron for completely wasting my time. Then I came home and started crying because that was the first place to even call me in for an interview. I'm seriously beginning to feel like this big foolish failure. But ok. Enough about that. Cyndi has said that she has sent me some money for the car. She said its only a $100 for now and then they'll send the other $100 later on this month. I guess we're doing $200 monthly payments. But hey with that money I can join the gym. I figure I'll do a monthly membership for now since I don't know where I'll be moving to and what gym will end up being closer. Thank God I can join a gym. I seriously feel like I'm totally blimping out and I would rather shoot myself then get fat ever again! Ok well enough about me. Tell me some more about you. 

TV tonight, because I have no life

Tuesday, November 6 10:00PM et/pt 
Maxine is called to investigate when a girl is hospitalized after overdosing on pills in order to cope with pressure put on her by her father. 
While the girl, Alice-Jane, is in the hospital, she seems obsessed with nervously spelling random words. Later, when Maxine goes to Alice-Jane's school spelling bee, she realizes that the girl is frightened by her father's presence. Alice-Jane then runs away to Maxine, who, though forced to return the terrified girl to her father, must work around the law in order to protect her. 
Meanwhile, after spotting Bruce chatting with a very handsome man, Amy pesters him into introducing her to his friend. She is thrown for a loop, however, when she learns that the good-looking friend happens to be a priest -- who thinks Amy could use his guidance.



Monday, November 5, 2001

Back to the drawing board

Back to the drawing board
Thank you for submitting your resume to Stivers Staffing Services. We appreciate your interest in our organization! One of our representatives will be contacting you shortly to discuss this position. In the meantime, you can learn more about our company and see ALL our current openings by visiting Stivers Staffing Services has been an industry leader since 1945! hoo
This is simply hysterical, hysterical you have to download it and listen to it. On that same note, there is a great article here about the School of Americas.
"Backyard terrorism" by George Monbiot
"If any government sponsors the outlaws and killers of innocents," George Bush announced on the day he began bombing Afghanistan, "they have become outlaws and murderers themselves. And they will take that lonely path at their own peril." I'm glad he said "any government", as there's one which, though it has yet to be identified as a sponsor of terrorism, requires his urgent attention. 

For the past 55 years it has been running a terrorist training camp, whose victims massively outnumber the people killed by the attack on New York, the embassy bombings and the other atrocities laid, rightly or wrongly, at al-Qaida's door. The camp is called the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation, or Whisc. It is based in Fort Benning, Georgia, and it is funded by Mr Bush's government......

Dear god, didjya just love the movie K-PAX, I couldn't imagine how you couldn't.

So my day started off weirdly enough because I couldn't sleep at all on Sunday night. I have been fighting this insomnia for what seems like an eternity, but in reality it's only been something like, oh 10 YEARS or so. Recently, it's gotten worse, and I have been staying up, not being able to sleep at all, then I finally do sleep, and I am in shitty condition for the day...I feel like I need to go to a sleep disorder clinic or something, truly. So anyway, Richard got the Sunday classifieds for me from the coffee place, so I dove right into them today. I sent out twenty resume's today, and by the end of the day, one response. (from accountemps, they said that I was now 'on their list' and they'll call if they need me.....great....that's great). So I actually felt like I accomplished much today. So Richard had his meeting at the church and I was to meet him there afterwards so we could go to the coffee mecca, get a drink, and then go to Quality HIl Playhouse to see a show. So we had a cup of coffee, and ran into Larry Barker and Doug. That's a whole story unto itself, but we bid them adieu and went on our way to the theatah. The show is cancelled, because poor Kent Barnhardt is terribly sick, and the show is him playing he piano, and hosting the show, so he cancelled. Saw Terri Wilder, shmoozed with her, visited with Kathleen, and then went back home. We didn't know what to do with the rest of the evening, so I suggested a movie, and that's where we wound up, at the movies watching K-PAX, loved it loved it loved it, he WAS an alien, he DID go back, and I believed it all. I believed that there are aliens around us on the Earth, I believe that everything in that movie was completely feasible and logical. Some disagree, but how can they possibly think that we're the only life-forms in this galaxy? How can they possibly think that? It's like (and this has really nothing to do with anything, but my wacked mind trying to make a connection where there is none) one of the times that my friend Lisa and I were out at the cajun (or whatever it was) bar on 39th street. Here we are, enjoying our drinks and talking amoungst ourselves, when this woman comes up, and stands right behind Lisa, facing her back to us and stands there. I didn't really notice her until she stood behind Lisa, and then I started watching her. So she lights up a cigarette, and puts her pack of cigarettes and lighter on the bar. This doesn't alarm me, because of course, she's just a random woman smoking right? Then of course, I notice that the woman looks weird (I may have written about this before, I'll look it up when I get a chance), like her body is weird. Then I realize that she's pregnant! The woman is obviously pregnant and she's smoking. Drove me nuts, I couldn't even look at her. Then the woman was soind SHOTS too....pregnant, smoking and doing shots of liquor at the bar. So my telling that story (and tying it into the whole KPAX, life on other planets) it's like, there are just some things that are SO basic. Yes, there are aliens, you DONT smoke and do shots while you are WITH CHILD. Does that make any sense? Now that I re-read it, it doesn't, or at least if I read it it for the first time ever, it wouldn't make sense to me, but it DOES make sense to me....and that's all that really matters, because it's my damm journal, and whether it makes sense to you, the reader is of no importance. I'll explain it when I get a clarifying moment. Some day.

Sunday, November 4, 2001

This is like a plague

This is like a plague
Liberate the part of you that spends most of its time in hiding. The Gemini Moon gives you twice as much as you usually have. Everyone in your life is eager to cooperate.
New pictures from my sister Cara of Jules and Gabby 
So I had this dream last night, and it completely freaked me out, and is stil freaking me out at this point in the day. I was in my parents house, and the weird thing that I remember is that it was present day for me, it was as if I were in Chicago hanging out at my parents house during Thanksgiving or something. The crazy thing was that all my family was there, including my dead relatives. This is the second time that I've dreamt this dream. My late Uncle John was there, looking GREAT. It was as if he had never been sick, he was fit, walking around like there was nothing wrong. Then, my Grandma Pehl was saying goodbye to my Mom, and she came out to the porch and was giving me a bunch of kisses and saying goodbye. I started crying and hugging her, and I can remember being aware of myself crying in the bed, sleeping. I woke up after that. There was more to the dream, but that is essentially the crux of it.(oh, and Sammy Davis Jr. was also at the party) I don't know what's going on. It was as if it was an old Rosen Easter or Thanksgiving or Christmas or something but it was modern day to me. I told my friend John about the dream, and he told me that I should go on the show Crossing Over because I would probably get much out of it. I don't know, it just freaks me out, because one dream, I can rationalize as just being a freak dream, maybe thinking about my grandma or something, but this was much more surreal, it was much more real, and it seemed like I should take something away from it, I just don't know what it is yet. It'll come, I always answer questions like this by myself, but it's just odd in the first place.

Saturday, November 3, 2001



I went to the Midland Theater last night to see this wonderful man play the piano and he was phenomenal. Schicky Baby got us free tickets to go, and it was completely worth it to go. The symphony played an all Tchaikowsky program, culminating with the man that one the man that won the Cliburn competition this year. This guy was wonderful. I wish that everybody that is into classical music could've seen him. We went out to Starfucks afterwards, and hung out with Diane. Then we went to Blaney's because Diane knows the owner guy, and he gave us bumper stickers that say "I Love Dick". I thought that was hysterical, for obvious reasons, so I'll have to fasten that one to my bumper.

An email from Leila.
Sometimes hotmail is so fucked up. I'm sending resumes all over this God forsaken country. EVERYWHERE! New York, Delaware, Minnesota, Virginia. It just doesn't really look as though Portland is going to work out for me. Sure it would if I wanted to be a professional waittress for the rest of my life. I'm calling this restaurant later on today about a job. I"ll wait tables until I get enough money to move somewhere else. But I have already sent out about 30 resumes and I've only heard back from ONE place and that was just for an on call position. I sure as hell did not live the life from hell last year so that I could be some goddamn on call therapist. FUCK THAT! And it really pisses me off because I was seriously looking forward to living out here. But also my mother is driving me nuts. ITs the same psychotic bullshit as before and I can't put up with her. Its not good for my own mental health you know? Jesus that's why I left IL for God's sakes. I should have known that deep down living with my parents was stupid. Its just that I was so completely miserable in IL I thought this had to have been better. Oh God I'm so depressed. Talk to you later. 

it's amazing, she and I have completely parallel lives. Seriously.
I also got an email from my sistah, who should be reading this!

Hey Bill, 
How are you doing? I was reading your journal (as I do almost every day) and thoght I'd say hello. Not much new from D-town. I taught today from 9-5 (yes-one class for 8 hrs) and I'm a little pooped to say the least. By the end of the day I've essentiallly lost my patience with the students and I tend to shoot way more dirty looks than at the beginning of the day. Anyhoow, Old Navy will be fun for the holidays. Seems like a relatively cool dig-you'll probably get good discounts on merchandise and do your x-mas shopping there! John's boss was working over the weekend on his gutters or something and I guess hit his head. He didn't think much of it, as most of us wouldn't. Woke up and had shooting pains in his shoulders, causing enough alarm to go to the hospital. There they discovered he had a brain bleed, and took him directly to surgery where they performed a craniotomy to stop the bleed. It sounds like he'll be all right. It sure makes me thankful for all that I have! Scary stuff. On that note, I'll bid a farewell. Have a nice weekend. Say hello to Richard and we'll talk soon. 
Love you.

Friday, November 2, 2001

so-called war

More shitty news from the so-called war This is where I got this, a couple of days ago
Afghanistan-U.S. /WRD/ 
U.S. calculations on Afghanistan impractical:
Afghan politician Birjand, Khorasan Prov, Oct 30, IRNA
-- An Afghan politician said here Monday that the American policy-makers' calculations on Afghanistan do not match with that country's realities and are therefore quite impractical. 
The former governor general of Afghanistan's Farah Province Shir Ahmad Senator told IRNA's Borjan Bureau that the best proof for that claim is that the Americans have still achived no tangible results three weeks after launching their operations in Afghanistan. 
Senator added, "the U.S. had also initially annouced that it will totally demolish the Al-Qa'eda network in Afghanistan within a single week's time, besides arresting Osama Bin Laden, but we know all they have done in almost a month is inflictng heavy losses over the Afghan civilans." 
He said, not only the U.S. has not succeeded in overthrowing the Taliban's regime, that was among the other announced objectives of the U.S. invasion, anti-Western and particularly anti-American sensations, too, have drastically increased among the Afghan nation, that is actually in a way in favor of Bin Laden and the Taliban! 
Senator said that in some provinces, such as Farah, not even one Taliban soldier has got killed during the U.S.-British air raids and missile attacks. 
He siad that all together, the Taliban, Bin Laden and his organization, have so far received the least losses in comparison with the civilian Afghans, including the elderly, women and children. 
This Afghan politician concluded his remarks claiming that not only the Americans have failed to inflict any serious losses on the Taliban, but the North Alliance forces, too, have been realtively unsuccessful in doing so.

How come I can get a picture of the owner of Big Chick's in Chicago but I can't find a picture of Kathy Lee Crosby ANYWHERE? so frustrating. I'm insane, I'll admit it.

Thursday, November 1, 2001

Puccini and some sad news

Puccini and some sad news

Good Morning Libra! Before complaining, think about how your life must look to someone with fewer privileges. Aspects of your reality are merely cultural illusions. Pay less attention to the ads and more to the editorials.

I got this very sad email from HMC
I am sorry to report that David Killmeyer passed away yesterday. David was a first tenor who came to the Chorus in the fall of 2000 and sang in the holiday and spring concerts last year. His partner, Brian Dowell, also joined as a HeartLight member and quickly became involved in concert production. Brian is now chair of our Production Committee. A memorial service will be held tomorrow, Friday, Nov.2 at 3 pm at DW Newcomer's Johnson County, 11200 Metcalf, Overland Park. The Chorus has sent flowers. If you wish to send a card or note to Brian, his address is: (_) You may view David's obituary at: 

I just want to lighten up a bit, because that is so sad. I'll ask Richard if he wants to go to the memorial service. Anyway, this is a sample of the kind of correspondence that Leila and I have.

Hey. "Juding Amy" is on. Tyne Daly is insane. She really needs to get on some sort of a workout regime. Anyways, did you see that TV movie with her in it. About some damn wedding dress or whatever. Just nonsense. I hate anything that has to do with weddings and other people's romance. Hate it hate it hate it

i just want to know why you're so obsessed with Tyne Daley's weight? her and liza, you must be a lesbian or something, because the woman is a brilliant, tony-award winning drama desk-award winning actress and all you can say is ..she needs to be on a workout regiment? 
can you tell how defensive I am about tyne daley? i just love her.....did i ever tell you that? I can't sleep,....once again. i love insomnia 

You don't have insomnia. You just think you do. And the only reason I mention her weight is because she could be a heart attack waiting to happen and I would think you would be concerned since you love her oh so much!

And again, Leila
Hey. I'm just sitting here realizing that I don't have the slightest idea as to when I'll have sex ever again. I mean...its all fine and everything (so not the end of the world) however, NOT having any idea is unsettling. I'm just going to be this celibate woman living with her parents and unemployed. Dear God. Ok well I"ll talk to you later. And by the way I am SO going to let Enrique be my hero anytime. BYE!

Wednesday, October 31, 2001


Good morning Libra! Over the next few days, it will be better to err on the side of moderation. People who respect you are studying your habits to help them find their own way. Shoulder your responsibilities with cheer and efficiency

Well dear god, so much to report. I am going to the Lyric tonight and seeing for the first time Puccini's Tosca, and I am so excited to go and see it. The last thing we went and saw there was 'Magic Flute" and it was nice, but very long, it got better as the night progressed, but this opera is so dramatic, and I love anything really, by Puccini, that I am so happy to be going! I have to give Diane Schick credit for inviting me to the dress rehearsal. She is just so fabulous. She's a full time flute player for the symphony here in Kansas City, but she is such a kick. She's just all around a hysterical woman, and I just love her, I can see getting to be great friends with her...I think we already are great friends, but I just can see being even better friends, because our personalities are seemingly one in the same. 

Here's a brief synopsis of the opera for those unfamilliar with this particular opera:
Giacomo Puccini
Cesare Angelotti, an escaped political prisoner, rushes into the church of Sant' Andrea della Valle to hide in the Attavanti chapel. As he vanishes, an old Sacristan shuffles in, praying at the sound of the Angelus. Mario Cavaradossi enters to work on his portrait of Mary Magdalene - inspired by the Marchesa Attavanti (Angelotti's sister), whom he has seen but does not know. Taking out a miniature of the singer Floria Tosca, he compares her raven beauty with that of the blonde Magdalene ("Recondita armonia"). The Sacristan grumbles disapproval and leaves. Angelotti ventures out and is recognized by his friend and fellow liberal Mario, who gives him food and hurries him back into the chapel as Tosca is heard calling outside. Forever suspicious, she jealously questions him, then prays, and reminds him of their rendezvous that evening at his villa ("Non la sospiri la nostra casetta?"). Suddenly recognizing the Marchesa Attavanti in the painting, she explodes with renewed suspicions, but he reassures her ("Qual' occhio al mondo"). When she has gone, Mario summons Angelotti from the chapel; a cannon signals that the police have discovered the escape, so the two flee to Mario's villa. Meanwhile, the Sacristan returns with choirboys who are to sing in a Te Deum that day. Their excitement is silenced by the entrance of Baron Scarpia, chief of the secret police, in search of Angelotti. When Tosca comes back to her lover, Scarpia shows her a fan with the Attavanti crest, which he has just found. Thinking Mario faithless, Tosca tearfully vows vengeance and leaves as the church fills with worshipers. Scarpia, sending his men to follow her to Angelotti, schemes to get the diva in his power ("Va, Tosca!").
In the Farnese Palace, Scarpia anticipates the sadistic pleasure of bending Tosca to his will ("Ha più forte sapore"). The spy Spoletta arrives, not having found Angelotti; to placate the baron he brings in Mario, who is interrogated while Tosca is heard singing a cantata at a royal gala downstairs. She enters just as her lover is being taken to an adjoining room: his arrogant silence is to be broken under torture. Unnerved by Scarpia's questioning and the sound of Mario's screams, she reveals Angelotti's hiding place. Mario is carried in; realizing what has happened, he turns on Tosca, but the officer Sciarrone rushes in to announce that Napoleon has won the Battle of Marengo, a defeat for Scarpia's side. Mario shouts his defiance of tyranny ("Vittoria!") and is dragged to prison. Scarpia, resuming his supper, suggests that Tosca yield herself to him in exchange for her lover's life. Fighting off his embraces, she protests her fate to God, having dedicated her life to art and love ("Vissi d'arte"). Scarpia again insists, but Spoletta interrupts: faced with capture, Angelotti has killed himself. Tosca, forced to give in or lose her lover, agrees to Scarpia's proposition. The baron pretends to order a mock execution for the prisoner, after which he is to be freed; Spoletta leaves. No sooner has Scarpia written a safe-conduct for the lovers than Tosca snatches a knife from the table and kills him. Wrenching the document from his stiffening fingers and placing candles at his head and a crucifix on his chest, she slips from the room.
The voice of a shepherd boy is heard as church bells toll the dawn. Mario awaits execution at the Castel Sant'Angelo; he bribes the jailer to convey a farewell note to Tosca. Writing it, overcome with memories of love, he gives way to despair ("E lucevan le stelle"). Suddenly Tosca runs in, filled with the story of her recent adventures. Mario caresses the hands that committed murder for his sake ("O dolci mani"), and the two hail their future. As the firing squad appears, the diva coaches Mario on how to fake his death convincingly; the soldiers fire and depart. Tosca urges Mario to hurry, but when he fails to move, she discovers that Scarpia's treachery has transcended the grave: the bullets were real. When Spoletta rushes in to arrest Tosca for Scarpia's murder, she cries to Scarpia to meet her before God, then leaps to her death.

Sort of a long-winded description, but it gives you a good idea of what is going on in the opera. I am so excited! So I had an interview a Old Navy yesterday, and it was fine, no big deal, they said that they will call on Friday, and tell me the good news. I can only assume that they'll hire me, I mean, it's not rocket science right, there's no good reason NOT to hire me, and I think it will be fun, and I fully expect them to hire me. I just spoke with my my Mama and she was just checking in to say hi. We hadn't talked in a while, so it was good to hear her voice, and get the low-down on the fam. I told her I might not be able to get up to Chicago on Thaksgiving, but that I'll have to keep her updated on my schdule (or lack thereof.) Oh, I almost forgot, Richard got his new Hondayesterday, a 2002 sports coupe? I don't know if that's right, I know SO little about cars, but it's a beautiful, sleek, black thing. Really a beautiful car, and I know that he is completely enamoured with it, and has that new car-syndrome. Park it in the back of the parking lot so it doesn't get scratched, yadda yadda. He's so cute. Anyway, must go and saturate my brain with Puccini now. Oh, Happy know it's a FULL MOON tonight too, and a blue moon, I think it's the second full moon of the month, so it's even more statistically abhorrent. Love that. Have a good, safe Halloween, kids, Throw some mail my way if you get a chance! Love your hair, hope it wins.

Tuesday, October 30, 2001



What do you really want, knowledge or comfort? If you have to ask this question, you're facing a complex issue. All you can do is to announce your wish and hope that the universe will respond.

I had a dream last night, that is worth putting down in the journal, because I thought it was way too hysterical. So I was walking along, on a summer day, and I notice two people standing along the path. Then I hear my name "Bill....oh Bill.....come over here." Naturally, I'm curious to see who it is, and then I notice, oh yes, it's my friend KATHY LEE CROSBY, (you know, the host from that cheezy show from the eighties THATS INCREDIBLE?) and she's being interviewed by a reporter. I go over to her and say "Oh, Kathy Lee, it's been such a long time since I've seen or spoken to you!" as I'm giving her a kiss on her cheek. She says to the reporter "oh, we've known each other for years", and as I'm walking away, I look back at the two people and look at the reporter and say "Years honey...."

I know I'm wacked, but as long as I can admit it, I'm fine. I have an interview at Old Navy today, and I can't imagine it's going to be too gruelling or an interview. I'm looking forward to it anyhoo. Tomorrow I am going to go to the Lyric for the dress rehearsal of Puccini's "Tosca". Diane Schick invited me to go to the dress, and that way, you don't have to pay for the performance, you can just go and listen to the dress rehearsal. She told me that she might not be there, but I think I'll go even if she's not there, and see if I can sneak in, and listen to the performance. I can't wait for that. Then on Thursday, I have to go for the physical, to determine if I can be in the study at Quintilles. My hunch is that I will be disqualified for the study, because of the tobacco content in my blood, but we'll see what happens. Hopefully, I'll be able to do that study, but I'm not going to count on it. I almost forgot, one of the guys from Howard Brown from Chicago called me yesterday, and wanted to know if I was still interested in continuing to participate in the EXPLORE! study. That was a study that I volunteered to do when I was in Chicago. It is a study of men that have sex with other men, to determine what kind of behaviors men are engaging in, and seeks to help men curtail their 'risky' sexual behavior, and give them strategies to help people in the future. I told them yes, I would be interested in continuing, and to send me all the information, blah blah. They give you a stipend of like $75 to do a blood test, so I figure I'll get some money out of it, while telling them about my sexual habits. Seems like a good deal to me. Anyway, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. mail me because I'm unemployed and have no life at this point!

Sunday, October 28, 2001

You haven't completely spilled your secrets, have you? Some people would prefer not to know all of the details. Score a few points by respecting the realities in which others choose to live.

I finally made it to the service this morning, and had a couple of issues with what the good 'ol Rev. had to say, but altogether it was marvelous. Jerome sang, and was brilliant as usual. He was wanting to talk to me about getting his website back in order, because as of now, he and Bukeka have nothing, and from what he told me, he has invested time and energy into a guy that just isn't working for the two of them, so I would love to help them in any way that I can. I think it would be marvelous if I coud help them. Afterwards, Richard, Jerome, Tom Pender and Kendra Peterson and I went up to Chipotle as we usually do after church on Sundays and had a great lunch, great conversation. So I thought that Richard and I were going to go to Phantom of the Opera tonight, but as it turns out, we're going to try and go next week, but we're still going to hang out with Diane who I just adore. She invited me to go to her dress rehearsal of Tosca, which I would just LOVE to do....go see a free show, during dress rehearsal of the symphony, I would just love to go see that. Am I being redundant? Anyway. I also found the Radical Faeries of Chicago, and if I were still living in Chicago, I'm sure that I would be a part of that organization. I had a couple friends in CGMC that were in it, and loved it, and invited me to participate in some of their events, but I never got a chance to, I wonder if there is a organization of local Kansas City Faeries....something to ponder. Oh yeah Lisa sent me this. Jesus, I didn't realize that there were so many earthquakes as there were in California.....they say they're still coming too....scary.
Okay, what did I just say in this previous post?

OCTOBER 28, 13:48 EDT 
Terror War Goes Beyond Afghan Border
Associated Press Writer 
WASHINGTON (AP) — The war on terrorism is focused on Afghanistan. But already, America is sending military advisers to the Philippines to rout out terrorists. Iraq could become a target if it's linked to any attacks. And the war could carry even farther — perhaps to Somalia, Chechnya or Sudan, and perhaps quickly — if Osama bin Laden tried to slip out of Afghanistan.Eventually, the war on terrorism could have a long target list, one that stretches into all corners of the world. 
Many U.S. officials already characterize the attack on bin Laden's al-Qaida group and its supporters in Afghanistan, the Taliban, as just the first battle in a long campaign. But they say future battles haven't been planned. ``Our first priority right now is to deal with the al-Qaida network and Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan and wherever else it is located around the world, wherever else it has host countries supporting al-Qaida,'' Secretary of State Colin Powell said Wednesday. ``And then, in due course, we will turn our attention to other sources of terrorism which are so destabilizing in the world,'' he said. ``And we'll keep a close eye on Iraq during that whole process.''
I don't even want to think about this.

So I had a dream last night that Richard and I were driving in a four-door car and we stopped because I saw some horses grazing in a field...I love them!! (I'm forever asking him if he'll buy me a pony, or an elephant for a pet), and I insisted that we stop , so we got out of the car, and there was one horse that was loose and not behind the fence, so I went up to the horse, but he didn't seem to be very friendly, so I told Richard to get back in the car, so I shut the back passenger side door, and then I got in and at the same time I shut the door, Richard got in the drivers side, but the horse came towards us, and prevented him from closing his door. So now the horse sort of stomped his hoofs on Richard's lap (must have been painful) and then he manuvered his whole entire head into the front of the car (Richard got his door closed right before this point) and now there is a huge horse head in the front of the car, with us sitting in horror. All I remember after that is the horse making a noise (that noise I love to make....the nay of the horse)..and then I woke up. Pretty wacked eh? I love dreams. 

An email from Sabrina:

I'm glad you had a great birthdy, you deserved it. It's not how it use to be. Me just rolling around the corner to see you. I'd thought you and I would be miles apart. Once, my life settles down and some how gets in order. I promise I'll visit. I'm just trying to get it all together. I need to be at a point in my life where I'm financially together and my career is secure and sucessful, where I can do all the things I want and need to do. I'll get there eventually, I just hope it'e sooner than later. I gotta jet but, we'll catch up this week. I want to hear the whole scope on your b-day. Remember that Big Mama Loves you.

Take care.

Your friends ALWAYS!
I won't even commment....
Turns out we are going to go to Phantom tonight.

Saturday, October 27, 2001

Week since my birfday.

Week since my birfday.

Good Morning Libra! Listen to tone of voice and choice of words. A client or coworker finds reason to panic. You know too much to let little things upset you. Maybe you should share this information with someone still in the dark.

Oh dear god, well there hasn't been much going on that's exciting to report. Richard and I are going to two parties tonight, there is a party of a woman from church, and then some guy from th board of directors of the chorus. That should be fun. We just got done seeing the movie "Riding in Cars With Boys" and it was actually a great movie. There didn't seem to be much point to the movie, but it made sense in terms of sociological sense, and the characters were fabulous. I have an interview at Old Navy on Tuesday, which should prove to be interesting, and then I have a physical on Thursday of next week. I signed up to volunteer for medical research at this place called Quintilles, it's apparently a huge complex where they do tons of medical research, and they pay you $1,050.00 so I thought for some quick money, it would be worth it. Something to do with high blood-pressure have to stay there for three days, monday thru wednesday, and it starts on November 19. I think that I'll get disqualified though, because of the smoking, so if that happens, at least I'll get some blood work done, and have it done for free....that's pathetic, but I have to look for all the free stuff I can get at this point. I still owe money all over the place, and I feel....I've been feeling alot of things lately, but I don't want to go into that at this point. I sometimes wish that I had a journal that I could just use for myself, and not have ANYONE read it, but now that I have this online journal, I'm sort of addicted to it, so this will have to do. I've seen other people discuss (on their journal pages) how they sort of edit their entries to the stuff that they want people to see....I try not to do that, but it seems lately, that I have been doing that....maybe I should just lay it all out, and see what happens. Maybe not.

If this doesn't seem like a foreshadowing letter to enlarge the war to Iraq, I don't know what does:

(I got this from this great resource to keep track of what our numbskull President is signing every day)

Week Ending Friday, October 12, 2001 
Letter to Congressional Leaders Transmitting a Report on Iraq's Compliance With United Nations Security Council Resolutions

October 11, 2001
Dear Mr. Speaker: (Dear Mr. President:) 
Consistent with the Authorization for Use of Military Force Against Iraq Resolution (Public Law 102-1) and as part of my effort to keep the Congress fully informed, I am reporting on the status of efforts to obtain Iraq's compliance with the resolutions adopted by the United Nations Security Council.
George W. Bush
Note: Letters were sent to J. Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the House of Representatives, and Robert C. Byrd, President pro tempore of the Senate. This letter was released by the Office of the Press Secretary on October 12. An original was not available for verification of the content of this letter.
Maybe I'm reading into it, but it seems from all the reports that they are going to widen the scope of this war, I can just see the headlines "America Bombs ALL OTHER COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD"
Whatever...I'm moving to Canada!