Monday, January 28, 2002

Rude Ass Fuckers

Rude ass fuckers!

When Libra is the host, no one would dream of abusing his or her hospitality. Expect to end your month with great gains now that the Moon is in Leo. Friendship can open many lucrative doors.

Yea, couldn't be more accurate if I wrote it myself. So anyway, it's such a kick, my life that is. Was working last night, and this couple with their small child came up and ordered some drinks, them their drinks, thank you and good night. Then, the little black boy comes up to me and says "Excuse me sir, we ordered a cookie and I haven't gotten it yet, could you get it for me?" I almost fell out of my chair. The boy was respectful, well mannered, and was like 4 years old. I said "Absolutely, I can get that cookie for you." After I got his cookie and handed it to him, and thanked him, I walked out from behind the espresso bar, and walked over to his mother and said "Maam, I have to tell you that your child is the most well mannered child I've ever seen!" (the thing about it was that he was SOO young, he was like 4 years old, and had this wonderful calm demeanor), I went on to say "I always like to stop parents and tell them that, because these days it's such a rarity to find a well mannered child like yours, so great job!" She was very appreciative, and gracious. Why is it that to be nice and well mannered is the exception to the rule? Shouldn't it be the exact opposite? People seem to have no sense of humor anymore, and are just so rude. Maybe it's because I work at a coffee place, and people are especially snooty when dealing with coffee, but I just had an expereince with Schicky with a rude ass woman, who was rude not only to me, but then told Diane to be quiet. An adult telling another adult to be quiet, in front of a room full of people. I almost fell out of my chair. I won't name who it was, but for the love of all things Cher, let's get it together people. I just can't handle rude, condescending's one of my HUGE pet peeves.

Planning on doing the big move tomorrow, if everyone is kosher. Tomorrow is rehearsal too, at 6:30pm, so I'll have to see if I have any energy left to go to a 3 hour rehearsal.

Just think Cheryl Lynn's Got To Be Real
Bill: Your msg CRACKED me up!! I got it the next day, too FUNNY~ SOO-HOO--SOO-HOO!!! Hope you are well, thanks for the new stats. AJS

Oh yeah, I forgot to write about my dream last night. The only thing that I remember was that I was in a really tall building, like a skyscraper or something, and I was holding on to a flagpole, over the side of the building, and I was trying to hold on, but I realized that I couldn't hold on for much longer, and then I woke up. Crazy.

Diane didn't want me to put the incident about the rude person on my journal, but I figure that I'll just say that it had nothing to do with her, but it had everything to do about the woman who was rude. She was condescending and just rude, and there was just no reason for it. I do have to say that the woman did apologize afterwards (only after bringing it to her attention). Anyway, there are much bigger things going on in my life than this type of thing, but I just thought it was pertinent because I was talking about how wonderful and refreshing it was to experience that little boy and his warm demeanor, rather than rude people asking for a french vanilla latte that they could get at the local gas station. Don't start with me Wilma. I also have to say a miraculously huge thank you to Diane, because she has been a lifeline to me, emotionally, more than anything else. She is a tremendous woman. Let me just go here for a second, because I've had a glass of wine, and I get upset when I talk about her, because she means so much to me. Diane is such an amazing inspiration to me, it's hard to put it into words. After going through breast cancer years ago, she is one of the biggest rock stars that I know. An AMAZING flute/piccolo player (I've listen to her practice on many occasions, I love it, it gives me peace) a wonderful mother and an inspirational human being. I can tell you honestly...and this is no holds barred (I'm not usually this honest in my journal) I would probably be lying in the Missouri River if it weren't for this woman. She, and a few other select people have gotten me through this time in my life, and I owe them big time. Now that I am much more stable, and have emotional stability (which is so much more important than anything else), I owe Diane a debt of gratitude bigger than I can possibly give to her. I feel like singing the song "I Can't Give You Anything But Love", because it rings true. Jhames chimed in the other day, and tried to give her advice about her situation, and I appreciated it. This is going to drive her nuts that I've written so much about her, but it's all positive, and loving. God bless that woman. 

With that I say to Jessie (her 10 year old daughter...who is HYSTERICAL...and memorizes lines from movies)

"Don't you go stomping your last year's Prada shoes at me honey!"
- Legally Blonde

Okay, so I did it, whatever with the surefire responses I'm just waiting for: I did the blogger code

B9 d t++ k+ s u- f i- o++ x e+ l c--

Oh my goodness gracious, ok...I know this is an old story but Liza has a new man, and a European tour. Dear god, I used to have a really horribly designed page dedicated to her, but I decided to take it off, because it was just an eyesore. If you go to her domain...there's just nothing there. You gotta give it to that woman, but the description of the wedding sounds a hollywoodfreak show. Gotta love her though, she's one of those living legends. At least we still have LIZA!

it's now 1:03am. I have been saying this since New Years Eve. All I want now, is a boy to kiss me. Is that so difficult? I go out, and never expect anything. That way, I can never be dissapointed. I know that sucks, but I remember being single for the longest time, and playing that game. It always goes...with the sex thing....flood...and then famine...flood..and then famine...and let me tell you people's...I am in a faaaaaaaaaaaamine right now. Now, gay famine is much different than straight famine..of course, but for the love of Liza...someone just kiss me. I've been yearning for that for the longest time, and aside from the kisses that I give to all the guys at rehearsal, I've had nothing. Kissing has always been the most erotic thing, there's nothing like a good kiss, and I've been without for too long. Sex is can have sex and not even kiss, but I don't want that...I just want to make out with someone. God, now I'm getting depressed. Not really though, because I just shouldn't wait around for some queen to walk into my life, I should just live, and not worry about it. Right? I should go to bed. Oh yeah, expect alot more updates now that I'll be living in an environment where I have access to a DSL line, and a fabulous computer. God help this site.

Maybe I shouldn't move tomorrow:

Sunday, January 20, 2002

Judy Garland had her baby!

Haven't been able to update in a couple of days, but the biggest news recently is that Judy Garland had her baby on Friday night! So let me just try to recount this experience as much as I can. So, I went to go see Leila at KCI, because she had a layover, flying from Portland to Chicago, in Kansas City. So I got to the airport (drama ensued....of course...welcome to my life...) I go to park my car, the attendent needed to look in the trunk of my car, so I shut the car off, and opened the trunk, and then shut it, and then got back into the drivers seat, turned the key, and click. Nada, it just won't start. I was like "fuck ME!" So, eventually, I pushed the stupid Belinda to a parking spot, and just went into the terminal, because I had to meet Leila. Found Leila, and we had a little lunch at the airport, and it was great to see her, she had great hair, and was fabulous as usual. Okay, so now I'm walking back to the parking garage and my phone rings, with an unidentified number, and I hate that, but I answered anyway, and it was Judy; "Bill, I'm at KU Med Center, and I'm so in labor." I was all "don't have the baby yet, I'm on the way!!" So, God decided to give me a break, and I got in the car, and she started right up. So I make my way up to KU Med and race up to her room, and she's lying on her side, in pain. It wasn't probably an hour later, and she told the doctors "I have to push! I have to push!", so the nurse said to me "put on those scrubs" and at that point, I was freaking out, because this was too real for me. So we had to push her bed from the little holding room, to the delivery area. So, the nurse and I pushed her bed, to the delivery room, and there are about five people in that room, all ready for us (including this hotass guy I was trying not to stare at!!). So the nurses said "if you need to push, just push Judy. So I helped her breathe, and was holding her head, and I was holding her legs too, actually, and about a half an hour later, a 6 pound, 1 ounce baby boy, with a full head of black hair came out. It was phenomenal. Then, the nurse asked from across the room "do you want to cut the cord?" She was asking ME! I asked Judy, "Do you want me to do that?" and she said "sure, go ahead", so I went over to the little container that they were cleaning up the baby in, and she said "take this little clamp, and clamp it as hard as you can, and then take these scissors.... but be careful with the scissors." I was freaking out. So after that, I just started to break down, because it was such an intensely emotional experience. This new life just came out of his mama, and he was crying, and perfectly healthy. So, after a while, I got to hold him (oh by the way, she named that name) and he was wrapped up in the blanket, and he was just so beautiful, it's hard to describe it with words, they just don't do it justice. 

Judy kills me, because about ten minutes after she gives birth to this baby, she says to me, in front of the entire room of doctors, nurses, and other attending people "this is probably the first time you've seen one of these isn't it" and points to her crotch area. I said "well, I've seen pictures." She just cracked up, and I did too, but I'm sure the doctors didn't know what to make of the both of us. That's the usual reaction that we get when she and I are together. So anyway, the nurse and I moved her back to the little post-delivery room, and she and I hung out while the post-drugs took effect on her. I was hanging out with her other children, which are beautiful as well, and well behaved I might add. I wanted to stay the whole night with her, but she had her friend Jessie there with her, and her kids, and after a while I was getting so hungry, so I motored out of there, but I have to say that it was really an amazing experience, and I was honored to be there.

Oh yeah, forgot about this. Issues that come up when you have a baby boy: Circumcision being the big one. I was, and am vehemently against having that done to the new baby, but you's not my child, so I have really no say. I just think that it's a barbaric tradition that has no relevance in todays society. It's horribly painful to the child, they loose a lot of sensation, and in 2002, there is just no reason. I couldn't be more vehement about that. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have wanted to have that done to me. The other side to that is the social stigma of being un-circumscised, and while I understand that, I just don't think that that is a valid reason. By the time that you understand all the issues involved with self-esteem, self-image and all of that, issues like being different from everybody by being uncut just don't matter. This is one of those things that I can't understand why anybody would feel differently than I do. I mean, I know that they do, because she had her child circumcised, but...I just think it's wrong.

Worked last night, and it wasn't too bad, but busy. Didn't have to work today at all, but I have to work in the morning tomorrow. I sort of like to work days, and I think I am going to ask to change my availability to not work weekend nights, because it's so crazy, and I just get so burned out. People during the day are just so much nicer, and less cranky, and overall better.

I remember last night as I was falling asleep, I thought about what I wanted to write today, but now, I can't recall anything. I had another dream about Charlie, and I wonder if he's okay. I just get freaked out when I dream about people who are friends of mine. I always want to call them up, and check up on them, but I can't do that with him, I have no current number.

This week coming up: Work in the morning tomorrow, and frankly, the only reason why I stay in Kansas City, is this:
European Tour: HMC Goes Global
England - France - Netherlands - Germany
June 27 - July 8, 2002 

Starting late-June 2002, the Heartland Men's Chorus will embark on a journey that takes us nearly halfway around the world! We will visit the most exciting and romantic locations Europe has to offer, including London, Paris, and the rich culture of Amsterdam and Hamburg. We were also very honored to be invited to perform a joint concert with Schola Cantorosa in Hamburg. Performance dates are tentative and subject to change.
Have rehearsal on Tuesday, have to still get to the post office at some point, just other errands like that that need to be taken care of. Jhames is a FREAK! Is that better? I added more pictures to his directory.

See this link below? At time of print, I am 175th out of 200. That was actually the first time I've ever checked that. Um, people, can you please help me be a little bit less pathetic than 175th and just click the gd link?? Could be worse I suppose, I could be 199th

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

Time To Face The Music

Economy is both your method and your goal. Thinking small helps to relieve your mind of problems that are harder to solve. By the time you come out the other end, the big picture may be very different.

Had lunch with Peterson, that was interesting, albeit a bit awkward. It was hard trying to explain to her that I couldn't tell her anything about my relationship breaking up, yet it was apparent that she wanted a longer explanation. I was true to my word, I didn't devulge anything other than the official statement. Can we please be content with this? Going to rehearsal tonight, going to see my ex for the first time, face to face, since this whole chapter ended. I know it will be awkward, and I thought about not going, but I am going to go and face it, because it won't get any easier if I don't, and I'm all about the clearing of the karma as much as possible. I feel as if I've cleared alot of that out, but there's still interpersonal shit going on that I need to deal with.

Speaking of dealing with things head-on ..did I introduce you to Owen yet? Can we say hot sex on a platter hot sex? Remember that song? Anyway, he is introduced as a cast member now, and if there is anything I have to say about him, it's that he's a hotass, and he apparently thinks that I'm a hotass, because he keeps on calling me, and asking me to come over. God, my fan club just grows and grows. What can I say? Other than Clix my ass!

Things to do:

• Pay major deposit for the HMC Europe trip in late June, tonight.
• Face this huge hurdle, it's always bigger than you think it is.
• Work more hours, to get mah ass back on track financially
• Apply for a passport
• Shoot myself

Even though I think that I'm getting alot of stuff done, it's like my friend Charlie always said "girl, you gotta watch out for those houses, because they keep on falling, and keep on falling on you, and if you don't watch out, you're gonna need another pair of ruby slippers" or something like get my point. 

I can't find the damm review of the Ray Charles show. Just know that it was a glowing review. It said the same thing that I said, that he was fanatically enthusiastic, and brilliant. Shocking, I know. I should be a critic. Just look for the backstage photos that Schicky took. Even though there is no reference to me specifically, I must post this picture, because Jhames is so beautiful, I just want him. He lives in Denver, I live in Kansas City, it's a comedy of errors. Plus, he has all these boys clawing after him, and rightfully so, he's so beautiful, and learned, and just altogether groovy. I don't want to sound like a stalker, but....

Oh yeah, not that I care, but did you see the trailor for the new RealWorld? For the love of Pete, what's his name is fucking hot....and gay...not that I have cable....or a t.v., or an apartment, or a life; the only reason why I would possibly watch it is because it's in Chicago and I would recognize the neighborhood, because I've spent many a beligerent night in Wicker Park. Leila is on flight 108, arriving at 12:00pm, then leaving on a seperate flight in Kansas City...on Friday! WOO HOO that's what I'm talking about

Monday, January 14, 2002

Trying to pull together a plan

It's too easy to evade the issue. Stay within acceptable limits for the next few days. Sooner or later you will be face-to-face with something that you should have settled a long time ago.
Well that horoscope for today couldn't be more true. Feeling much better, I have rehearsal tomorrow, don't have to work until Thursday, which is a bonus, and I have been doing some maintenance on things that I should have been doing for the last couple of months today and this week. It feels good to take care of alot of stuff that has been running in the back of my head for the last couple of months. I would go into more specifics, but it would be pointless, and alarming. Talked to Yvette today, and also talked with Susan who wants to do lunch in O.P. tomorrow. Should prove to be interesting as she is one of the people associated with my ex. I think that it should be fine although, I'm sure she'll want details of evrything, and I've given my word that I won't indulge gossipy people. The official statement that he and I both agreed upon is that we came to an agreement, and that's that. 

Saw the movie Basquiat last night, and simply loved it. How can you not love David Bowie playing Andy Warhol. I had heard of him playing the role, but never knew what an intense movie that was, and what a great job Bowie did of playing Warhol. Loved the movie, loved the portrayal, loved everything about it, even though it was sort of sad. More later, but I'm sort of over it right now. I don't have to work until Thursday, so you know I'll be updating with more frequency. At least this week.

Saturday, January 12, 2002

Funny how life bounces back

Travelers come to rest in a place that is both friendly and beautiful. Stay-at-homes are the happy recipients of a surprise visit. Express your feelings clearly and creatively. Agreement is easy these days.

So if you hadn't guessed, I got a chance to go see Ray Charles last night at the Music Hall here in KC. The show was interesting in that the first part of the program was this cheezy symphonic tribute to sports..and I was like "what the sam hill is this?" because everybody was just waiting for him to come out after the intermission. The band was phenomenal, and he was simply astounding. The man is like 80 years old and watching him onstage, you would have thought that he was a ten year old boy. He had this amazing exuberance and energy that was so incredibly dynamic. I was searching for the review in the papers, but haven't found them yet, I'll get that in a later entry. Phenomenal show. I figured that it was the once in a lifetime opportunity that I was fourtunate to get, and I was ecstatic to have the chance to go. Diane got pictures...of R.C. backstage....that will promtply be scanned and posted once I get copies. After the show, Schicky Baby and I, and a bunch of her friends went out to this real dive bar downtown, forget the name of it. It was fun because I got to talk to this woman Cooper, who was fabulous. I love meeting new people, and having a mutual capitive audience. She was as receptive to me as I was to her. I just love that. She was ultra-fabulous. There are so many other things going on that I couldn't possibly touch on one journal entry, so I'll just highlight the big ones.

Judy Garland is getting more dialated by the second. She called me up last night, and told me that she was at 2 centimeters and to go to the hospital, she had to get to six. I am going to have the experience of being there when a new life is coming into this world, and I simply can't wait. I could use some inspiration at this point in my life. These past couple of days has been a trial and a half in terms of my own emotional well being. Thursday, for some reason, was the worst, and thank you god, I had a friend to talk to and Jeff, I can't thank you enough. You know, I am a firm believer in people coming into your life for a reason, and he has been nothing but a blessing to me. I could ask nothing better than him. You know when you get to a point in a friendship where you know eachother so well, that you just don't have to explain anything; I don't know what exactly I'm trying to say, but I needed him at that point, and he was a huge way for me.

Working tonight, and I need to go pick up my last check from Old Nasty. That should be interesting, if nothing else. I feel the need to update my journal and to keep up to date with it, but sometimes life throws you a curve, and I just don't have the opportunity to get online as much as I would like to. I probably also should say that I remembered that there is a payment due for theHMC tour to Europe on Tuesday. Big payment, but for some reason, God decided to give me a break, and I'll be able to make it, and go to Europe in June. That is a goal that I've been swirling around in my head for the longest time, and I get excited just thinking about it. I have been talking about going to Europe, and just not coming back, and the more I think about it, the more tempting it becomes. It's a huge step, but that's what it's all about right?

sweet stalker? Just because I have had this online crush for what seems like forever and a day, and I have no hopes of reciprocation whatsoever, and I continue to push for some any drop of interest, and thus have no resulting dignity in the situation...does that make me stalker? Shut up.

Updated the Matthew Shepard page. If you thought that Hate crimes against GLBT people has gotten any better, educate yourself...because it sho a'int so.

I'm going to begin to take karate lessons...for free even. Long story, but one of Schicky's friends is a 6th degree black belt and offered me free lessons until I leave for Europe. Thursday nights should prove to be interesting. I figure it can't hurt, and especially if you read about the Shepard page, it'll be nice to know that I'll be able to defend myself with some confidence.

Tuesday, January 8, 2002

Another Brick in the Wall

Expect a sudden reversal. Everything is still going your way, but that way itself is now different. As long as you can adapt quickly, there's no cause for alarm. Yesterday's offers of help might still be good.
Not sure exactly what that means, but then again, I still have yet to go to rehearsal tonight! Haaa!

Got this cool email from my brother:
Good afternoon! 

As some of you may know, I'm planning on running a marathon in Mesa, AZ on Sunday March 10th. Flat, fast course, mild weather. Doesn't get much better, right? As if THAT isn't enough incentive to travel to Arizona in March, the beloved Cubs are in spring training and have games at HoHoKam Park that entire weekend. Although I can't promise Cub victories and Sammy HR's, I can assure you it'd be fun. (Plus Rosen family, how long has it been since you've caught up with the Lyons family? Exactly. Far too long.) So, whether you decide to run the 5K, the 1/2 marathon or the full 26.2 OR if you want to just catch some spring baseball, sip a beer in the sun and (hopefully) cheer at a fun race on Sunday, start planning now. The more the merrier. The race is HQ'd at the Sheraton East, which is unfortunately sold out(less than a mile from HoHoKam). But it seems there are a lot of other nice hotels very nearby. I'm going to buy tickets for Sunday's 1:05 game--it seemed they were available for Friday's 7:05 and Saturday's 1:05 also. Let me know if you have any questions and hope to see you in Mesa! 

I have closed a big door to a chapter in my life today. It feels wonderful to have this fresh start, and to have this all behind me. Time to rock out like the rock star that I know myself to be. Up until this point, I've sort of been in panic mode, and I finally have some closure, and I feel like the reinventing period has begun. Watch out Kansas City!

I'm reading The Power Of One again. Time for some inspiration. I've only read it about five times before, but I love that, and every time you read it, you get something new out of it. Truly, that book has been one of the most inspirational books I've ever read,ever.

Did I tell you I got an email from the resident dumb-fuck president of the Salvation Army? I wrote a scathing email to him regarding his organization's anti-gay policy, and this is what he had to say for himself:
Dear William:

Thank you for your recent communication to The Salvation Army regarding the domestic benefits policy decision and expressing your concern. Needless to say, we were overwhelmed with responses and are now trying to answer each of the thousands of letters we received.

We want you to know that The Salvation Army has been struggling with the decision to extend health benefits for several years, and we have done an exhaustive review of the issues related to our decision. In addition, we've had a great deal of input from our constituencies, including Salvation Army officers, volunteers and those who support us. The Salvation Army is fully aware of the complexity of this issue, and we know that we are not the only church wrestling with all of the ramifications of this decision.

At the heart of all of our decisions and intentions is our desire to help people as many people as possible. We remain compassionately committed to doing what is necessary to continue to help the 30 million people in need who come to us each year. Now more than ever, there are a great number of people who rely on the services of The Salvation Army, and we are dedicated to serving them as long as we are called upon to do so. 

God bless you.


Commissioner John Busby

What politically motivated bullshit!

Monday, January 7, 2002

I'm Right On Top Of That Rose

You have only a short time to work your magic, but there are no other limits. Libra is popular among those who seek similarities and harmonies. Helping hands reach out at every turn.
Could not be more true. Thank you Judy Garland, thank you Schicky, thank you Owen, thank you to my wonderful family, to any number of people. Without you, I'd be probably in the Missouri River. Okay that's drastic, but you get my point.

Voices From the Heart
Folly Theater
12th and Central
Kansas City, MO
March 23 & 24, 2002

The Chorus will take you on a powerful journey exploring aspects of love: Innocence. Earthiness. Forbidden desire. Parental care. Acceptance. Courage.

Especially exciting will be the world premiere of our first commissioned major work, Two Flutes Playing by Kansas City composer Mark Hayes. Based on the book of the same name by Andrew Ramer, this work celebrates gay spirituality and celebrates the love between men in a mythological way. The piece will be scored for male chorus, soloists, percussion, two male dancers, and of course, two flutes-silver and wooden. 

With Two Flutes Playing, we continue the tradition of GALA choruses worldwide, creating new music that speaks uniquely of the gay and lesbian experience. We have shared some of these remarkable works, including Hidden Legacies and NakedMan. Join the Heartland Men's Chorus as we make our own contribution to this art form.

Sunday, January 6, 2002

Mary J. Blige

Sunday - January 6, 2001 | I am taking it from Mary J. more drama!
Maybe you've changed, or maybe the world has tilted in a different way. No matter what, the good times are returning. Each hour brings another reason to celebrate. By tomorrow, you'll be in full control again

Now that I've read that horoscope, it makes me feel better. Had a hysterical night last night at Barnes and Noble. I just typed this long-winded description of this story, but I lost it, so I'll just give you the nutshell version. I work with this woman Leah (think...Flo from the sitcom Alice) She's irritating to the entire staff of the cafe, because she is just generally incompetent. She can't make drinks, she is slow on the register, and after working there for three months, has no concept of what to do whatsoever. So I was making drinks at the espresso bar (like I ususally do...because I am one of the fastest) and Leah is doing the register. She asks me "do you want to switch positions?" and say as nicely as I can..."Flo...I don't think that would be a good idea, we're really busy." She gets pissed and calls the manager over the intercom and says "Boo hoo, I want to do drinks, because I want to make a fool out of myself." So the manager (think..Mr Rogers) goes and looks for another person to man the register, and I think to myself "Bill, I live a life of no struggle." So I call Mr. Rogers back and say "Greg, don't worry about finding another person for the register, I'll just switch with her, it's not that big of a deal." So Flo goes on the espresso bar, and I go on the register. As I predicted in my own head before this even happened...ten minutes went by, and there was a line of drinks that had to be made down the entire length of the bar. She's that slow. So Mr. Rogers had to come back to the cafe to pick up some cash from the drawer twenty minutes after he previously showed up, and noticed the line of drinks, and I said to him "that's why we didn't want her to make drinks, because we're so busy, and she's so slow." He agreed, and pulled her off the bar, and put Dustin (the other guy that was working..who is a great drink guy)on there. As I once again predicted, Dustin got rid of the line of drinks, in under five minutes. Now Flo is even more pissed at me, and she's humiliated because now the management knows what we've known all along, she's just useless at the bar. So that was pretty much it, but after the store closed we got into a huge argument because she asked me if I had a problem with her, and I said "well, apart from your general incompetence, not really." and it escalated from there. I probably shouldn't have been so rude to her, but I have been struggling with dealing with her for a while now and I've tried to be nice, I've tried to be passive, I've tried to be nothing, and just not deal with her at all, and that's what happened last night, I just let her make a fool out of herself, and she succeeded tremendously, but then she was snippy with me..and I had to set her in her spot. Call me a Scorpio/Libra. She asked for it, and frankly had been asking for it for a long time, I'm just the only one who had the nerve to tell her.

So I went to CSL this morning with Schicky Baby and it was a bad call on my part. I went with an open mind, Richard was gone; it was the first service at the new building (which is marvelous by the way) and the second Diane and I sat down, I had a chill down my spine...the kind that said "you're in a bad spot, leave now." But of course, I ignored it, and tried to release any negativity I was harboring, and it worked for the service, but after, I was hit with a multitude of cold shoulders from people who my ex and I had acquaintances with, who obviously didn't want to speak with me, and made it quite obvious. I talked to Aubrey, who I adore, and a few random people, but for the most part, it was not a very welcoming or positive experience. So much for the loving environment that they talk about in that church. Oh well, I have been considering going to the Buddist temple anyway, this only cements that decision. Positive out of it. That's also not to say that I am forgetting the whole experience of CSL and the teaching, but the energy that I got today, was not welcoming whatsoever, and I don't think that is a healthy thing to experience when trying to further a spiritual path. I need a completely postive environment, and even though it really sort of shocked me to get such a negative vibe from people who were nice before the breakup, I understood it. People draw lines after breakups, and I am apparently on the other side of that line. I understand. I simply wish people would be a bit more human about it. People break up all the time, and there is no reason for such negativity. We're all humans, and that's the whole thing about that church, which espouses love and compassion for straight/ rich/ poor/ black/ white. In fact, the minister's teaching today was all about new starts, and diversity, and accepting yourself. That's one of the big reasons why I wanted to go today, new start...etc; but I got a really negative vibe, and I choose not to attend anymore.

Thursday, January 3, 2002

Oh dear god, there's so much going on, it's hard to get it all down in one entry. Talked to Schicky Baby and I'm going to attend the dress rehearsal of the Beethoven Choral Fantasy and I can't wait to go see that. There's also another show that I want to go, but the price is just a bit steep, so I'll see if I can make it, but Ray Charles is coming next week and I would die to see him. He was supposed to perform with Burt Bacharach but he cancelled, so now it's just Ray Charles. Just Ray Charles? Whatever Bill.

So I've been on the trail of this apartment but the financial situation is just not supporting my goal, but thankfully I have a spot to store my stuff, so I can make a clean break from the previous location...Ahem.

On a completely seperate tangent...or a couple tangents...I am going to get to see Jhames tomorrow, but he told me yesterday that he sent me his itinerary via email, but alas I have not received it. He has a 35 minute layover in KC, so I'll at least be able to give him a hug, before he has to jump on his next plane. 

Even a better tangent is that this morning Judy Garland and I were working in the cafe, and I don't know how we got talking about this, but her baby is due sometime late January to late February (you would think they could narrow it down a bit more) and her fiance is in the stupid army so he's away all the time and probably will be there when the baby is born, so I suggested that I go with her in the room when she has the baby, so I'm the new birth coach..or whatever you call it for her. I am so excited about that! I've seen death before, but I've never seen a baby being born, and I'm sure the experience will be amazing. So I'm sort of on call with her, because she's pretty much alone in this world with her kids, save her

Tuesday, January 1, 2002

Tuesday, January 1: Accept someone's word even if his or her actions tell another story. Protect yourself as inoffensively as possible. Others may be on the right track or making a huge mistake, but there's nothing that Libra can do about it.

Homeless Report:Still Homeless

Had a great new years, went out with Larry Barker, and left there after 2pm. Went out to brunch with Schicky Baby and Jessie girl at the Crown Center Hotel thing...a Marriott? Whatever, it's the hotel that collapsed! No it's a Hyatt We went to the Peppercorn Duck Club for Brunch, and it was fancy-shmansy. Diane is constantly telling me not to put details on my website, she always says "off the record dammit!"