Thursday, June 20, 2002

love welcomes all

Love welcomes all

Well I haven't had a chance to update and I don't have much time, but I plan on attending the candelight vigil tomorrow on the plaza for the protest of theconference that is coming to Liberty, MO. I love being political, and this is a way that I can do it in a loving environment and add my positivity to the situation. Go to the website and check it out, it really is a great cause. Steven Sanders is a good friend of mine from the chorus, and I just read this from it:
Prayer for Social and Spiritual Justice
by Steve Sanders

I pray that the children of misinformed adults be fortified with resilience and strength and know God's love for them is pure.

May the homophobia instilled in the hearts and minds of the "Love Won Out"participants be tempered by the sanity provided from God herself.

May the innocent children of the conference participants forgive their misguided adult protectors.

May the community of adults entrusted with their sacred responsibility to raise children, be composed of sane headed family members that are unwilling to allow the conference attending mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, brothers or sisters to inflict any spiritual pain in the hearts and minds of innocent straight or gay child, as a result of an over reaction to this conference.

Mother God, we pray for peace. Mother God, we pray for wisdom that surpasses all understanding. Mother God, we pray for open mindedness, we pray for enlightenment, we pray for the misguided souls.

Mother God, we acknowledge that evil exists on our planet. We acknowledge our humanity and how some among us prey on the real and imagined fears of well intended people. May those that prey on other's fears be given a limited voice in our community. May their intimidation, shame and guilt ultimately be surpassed by the power of love and acceptance.

Mother God, we pray for the children that are cast out from their birth families because of the misguided teachings of "Love Won Out." May they quickly be led to a community where they can belong and discover their unique expression of self that had them be placed on this planet.

Mother God, we thank you for the wealth of community resources that are available in the Kansas City Metropolitan Area to deal with the fallout from this conference. 
Specifically we name:

Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Greater Kansas City
Passages, GLBT Youth Organization
The Good Samaritan Project
The Community of Open and Affirming Churches
The Pitch Weekly

Protect the leaders, staff, and volunteers as we all join to engage our special talents and gifts to communicate a message of inclusion, acceptanceand love. May our voices win freedom. May our struggle for justice unite us.

Tuesday, June 18, 2002

more chorus pictures from the show!

more chorus pictures from the show!
Why play a game that's no longer necessary? Head straight to the prize table and claim your trophy. Libra often strives for equality, but now that the Moon is in your Sign, you're obviously superior.
I took some pictures from these albums and put them on my own directory here, because I simply didn't want all of the pics. 

Just had lunch with my friend Jeff at Chipotle and I'm off to do some running around and take care of some things that I need to get done. Then, if I haven't spent enough time with the chorus people this will be the end (until my fabulous party) of it...there is a membership dinner tonight at 6pm, at Holy Trinity, where we rehearse. NO SINGING TONIGHT PUHLEASE!

This burns me up.....Think we live in a free and democratic society? Think again. Our dumbfuck president was scheduled to speak at the commencement ceremony of Ohio State University on June 14th, and there were students that wanted to silently protest his visit by turning their back to him while he spoke. They were told that if they did not give the 'appointed' president a 'thunderous ovation', that they would be expelled. Read it yourself. The guy that wrote it got escorted out of the stadium for turning his back on the President while he was speaking. I can't think of a better way to non-violently protest against a dumbfuck (who isn't even supposed to be the) President. I want to move to Canada. This makes me sick to my stomach. The scary thing is, if you don't agree with me, if you don't believe it because you won't read it for yourself, that's fine...but it's still true. Our freedoms are erroding by the second in this country. Privacy? Civil liberties? What are those? I'm not the only one who feels this way

Monday, June 17, 2002

A lil Heathen for that ass

A lil Heathen for that ass

hea·then (h th n)
n. pl. hea·thens or heathen 

1. One who adheres to the religion of a people or nation that does not acknowledge the God of Judaism, Christianity, or Islam. 

2. Such persons considered as a group; the unconverted. 

3. One who is regarded as irreligious, uncivilized, or unenlightened. 

4. Such persons considered as a group. 

Before I can even get into how much I love David Bowie, let me just refer you to a couple of places. First, the horrific christian based local newspaper here in kc reviewed this new album, and actually did an interview with Bowie himself....that's here, and let me say also that I agree with everything he says. Copywright is a joke even now, and there is no reason to believe that copywright enforcement is going to get any better, especially when you don't have to buy cd's anymore, you can simply download them from a free service, or better yet...don't even go there...just get them from me, and then listen to them from your portable mp3 player, or convert them into whatever format you want. My favorites? Well I haven't gotten a chance to listen to the entire thing, but I really love the sound of the first track Sunday, it's like he's announcing to the world that he's back, and there is nothing that stays the same except change. Must I keep on reminding you that I have loved David Bowie ever since I saw him live at the Aaragon Ballroom in Chicago? Oh dear god...the sweat and excitement from that show still hasn't worn off. I'm sure Dayvid still has his glitter from the show that Bowie threw at him.

Okay, on a more personal note the concert was this weekend and it went really well. We received a standing ovation both on Friday and Saturday. There is nothing better than an entire theater of people standing on their feet and applauding. Nothing can compare to that feeling. All the bullshit that came before dissolves and you just stand there and smile, and soak it in. I don't know how to describe it. 

I spent the night over at Scott's house last night, because he is leaving for the week, and will return on Saturday morning. This will be the longest time that we've spent apart since we've been together. We had to get up at 4:15am in order for him to drop me off at my house, and get to the airport and catch at flight at 6:00am. Scotty gave me an envelope right before I got out of his truck, and while I won't say what was written in the card, the front of the card was a quote by Maya Angelou:

Look at my life. 
I'm floating like mercury around the earth.
My footprints shine with stardust. 
All because I love you. 
All because you love me.

Oh dear god.

Sunday, June 16, 2002

Don't have time to update, but I will later tonight or perhaps later, but the weekend was the concert weekend, Scotty and I are about to take off for the second performance after going and hearing Bukeka Shoals at Unity this morning, and then going to the Classic Cookie for a fabulous brunch with all the church boys, and meeting these two lesbians who I just adored, I offered to sing at their wedding that they are having in September, and they agreed! So now I have to burn some cd's of sample music of some stuff that I could sing, and then meet them to discuss. Talked to my dad this morning before church, and they were 6 miles out on Lake Michigan on the boat with my brothers. Love it. 

Trey Miller is SO GAY! He emailed me this and I told him at the bar that I would put this in my journal for him to check out:

Mr. Rosen -
Trey here.
We exchanged subtleties at the bah tonight. Just wanted to write since you said you'd give me a little shout-out on Obviously I can't provide the in-depth proclivities of Scott from Rhode Island. But, maybe you can mention how your board is helping to inspire Log Cabin Republicans like me make their way into the more advanced-thought directions of the Stonewall Democrats. Right now the increments are more baby steps than great strides, but I'm progressing. Anyway....I'm off to bed so I can be geared up to go To Oz and Beyond tomorrow. BTW - I'm so looking forward to attending your party. Someone tonight told me what I was supposed to bring (besides booze, of course), but I'd be curious if you knew what that was. TTYL,
Trey Miller 

And then Dayvid sent me this hysterical bit from Billboard Magazine, about one of my favorite artists.
Billboard Magazine 
From issue dated September 08, 2001 

If you're looking for human weakness, it's easily located anywhere, but if strength is what you're seeking, it can only be found within. It seems it's never too late to learn such lessons. Consider, for instance, a recent impromptu face-off in a Santa Monica, Calif., cafe between an older artist of heart and mind and a young musician in danger of losing such vital faculties. 

"There was one table available at the back," the female artist recalls of the encounter in the restaurant, "right next to what looked to be a rock'n'roller and his manager. It turned out to be a rock'n'roller and his A&R man. I had to sit close to them, and here's this kid in punk drag, tatooed, with dog bracelets on his wrists and around his neck, and his hair is spray-netted up. Basically, he's a Midwestern nerd who's become a yuppie. He's talking to the A&R guy, and his band is broken up, and he's trying to come up with something new. He says he didn't like the band 'sonically,' but all his considerations are to the fan bloc. He sounded like an accountant. There's barely enough room between us for the waiter to set my coffee down at my table," the woman artist continues, "so I can't help but overhear this kid, who's at a crossroads here, and the other guy was encouraging him to be inspired. I finally had enough." 

So she impulsively entered what had previously been a two-man talk by addressing some off-the-cuff remarks to the yuppie punk. "I called him on his lack of originality," she says, also telling him "that he was in this rock'n'roll costume that had nothing to do with who he was, but he didn't have the courage of his own individuality. I said he had disguised himself and didn't really like the music he was making. I said, 'Do you want to be an artist or a star? I can answer that question by just looking at you -- you'll do anything to fit. And the considerations that you're making guarantee that you're gonna be feeding the gristmill with more of this crap.' 

"He said, 'Well, I don't want to wake up broke at 48. It's good to have some business sense.' I said, 'Yeah, it's good to have some business sense after, but not at the point when you're making your art. Mr. A&R here is more of an artist than you are. Do you know how great it is to be told by your record company to be experimental? And you didn't even respond correctly to that. You go right back into your business head! [She laughs] Are you crazy?' 

"He said, 'Look, rock'n'roll is supposed to be dumb.' I said, 'Huh? Chuck Berry wasn't dumb, Bob Dylan's rock wasn't dumb. Hardly anybody else can reach such high standards. But at least try. Otherwise, when you wake up with little money in your pocket at 48 and you look at the dumb work, you'll have spent your whole life making shit while there's been spikes sticking out of you -- all of which isn't you at all.' 

"He said, 'You hate me!' [She laughs] I said, 'I don't hate you. I hate the music that's on the radio, because there's no muse to it -- it's just ick!' "He said, 'Why are you judging me so harshly? Who are you to judge me?' I said, 'That's what I hear from your generation all the time: 'Who are you to judge me?' The trouble is that nobody judged you, nobody told you how to judge your own work and judge yourself. You don't know how to think for yourself.' 

"He said, 'You don't how I am. You don't know my work.' I said, 'I'm sitting next to your table, listening to how your head works. I don't even have to hear your musical work to know that if you're the fountainhead, then it's more of this crap. And you don't know who I am!' 

"Then they both went, in unison, [glumly] 'Yes, we do.' And I went, 'Oh.' I thought I was just this anonymous granny, like, attacking [She laughs]." For the record, the 57-year-old artist on the offensive was and is Joni Mitchell, recounting another afternoon spent as a free woman in Los Angeles

Friday, June 14, 2002

namaste, brother

namaste, brother

When I stop and think about my life and how blessed I am, it brings me to tears. I have been struggling of sorts, but I know that when I am down, my whole experience reflects it and I choose to no longer reflect those types of thoughts in my experience. In the spirit of Jhames, I offer up a wonderful mantra that I've used with Schicky baby, and I've tried to pass along to as many people as possible.
My negativity has outlasted its usefullness
I send love to:
Jhames for starting this love fest
my wonderfully supportive family
you know who you are
Yvette and Leila for being my friends
Scotty for being a wonderful man that loves me unconditionally, without reservation.
and finally to God for giving me a talent to praise God with my voice....and because it's all about the Wizard of Oz, but more specifically Harold Arlen this weekend...I give you this mantra
namaste, brother.
oh my god....this is truly amazing. not ONE MINUTE after I posted this journal entry about love, and positivity, this happens:

neelyo1965: Of course you have no idea of who I am but by "fate" I stumbled onto your website and saw your inspiring and shall I say timely mantra.
ohthebill: who is this?
neelyo1965: Thanks alot - 
ohthebill: absolutely......
neelyo1965: someone from RI
ohthebill: do you know jhames?
neelyo1965: no
ohthebill: oh my're totally serious? totally random?
neelyo1965: yup
ohthebill: fucking amazing
neelyo1965: sometimes really weird things just happen...
ohthebill: i am copying this im session into my journal....BTW I LOVE YOU
ohthebill: whoever you are
neelyo1965: sweet
neelyo1965: the last year has been REAL shitty and I really needed to read that today
neelyo1965: & believe it
ohthebill: completely....we just decided to start doing more positive stuff...and I JUST FTP'd that up on the site...not five minutes ago
ohthebill: literally
neelyo1965: well I guess its my 15 minutes finally
neelyo1965: streaking accross the vast internet
ohthebill: you're amazing....that's so cool....
ohthebill: it's ok to copy this onto the journal?
neelyo1965: hardly but thank you
neelyo1965: yes
ohthebill: rhode island eh? so how did you stumble onto the site?
neelyo1965: actually I mistyped and got it in error but explored
neelyo1965: quite good
ohthebill: astounding
neelyo1965: scary, huh?
ohthebill: im speechless....still
ohthebill: and that NEVER happens LOL
neelyo1965: now now
ohthebill: well you've made it onto my journal for today...this much I know for sure
ohthebill: check back after we get done talking
neelyo1965: keep my IM name in your buddy list
ohthebill: done
neelyo1965: RI is quite like the valley of the dolls .....
ohthebill: it seriously shocked me....i wasn't even going to answer your im, because you know how it is, i always get im'd by ads....
neelyo1965: understood
neelyo1965: i probably wouldn't have either
ohthebill: but it said you didnt have a 'warning level' so i thought "oh what the hell"
neelyo1965: ever read "the Zen of OZ"
ohthebill: are you a boy/girl? age? what do you do? what are you all about? Now I'm obsessed! lol
neelyo1965: spiritual lessons from the Wizard of OZ
ohthebill: no i've read the zen of pooh....
ohthebill: we're doing the zen of oz in 13's actually quite hysterical
neelyo1965: haven't been a boy in years ( now 37)
neelyo1965: my life could be a very bad lifetime movie of the week
neelyo1965: if your actually interested - 
neelyo1965: better to get it in small doses
ohthebill: now what about that 'negativity has outlasted its usefullness' now?
ohthebill: hee
ohthebill: im totally interested
neelyo1965: well I just read it
ohthebill: HA!
neelyo1965: i need time to actually believe it
ohthebill: keep on saying it to yourslef, put it in the first person, it helps alot
neelyo1965: it's gay pride here in Providence tomorrow
neelyo1965: & its going to pour
ohthebill: naturally
neelyo1965: but rain brings rainbows
neelyo1965: i guess
neelyo1965: now i sound like an old Eagles song.....
neelyo1965: desperado
neelyo1965: ;-)
ohthebill: you're gay?
neelyo1965: yup
ohthebill: wow, cool.....who knew.....
neelyo1965: i've known since 13
neelyo1965: HA
ohthebill: are you attached? let's see some pictures now! LOL
neelyo1965: no attachments
ohthebill: ill put them on my my new friend from rhode island
neelyo1965: well I'll have to delve into your site and get the 411 on ya
ohthebill: u have a pic of yourself?
neelyo1965: could take weeks....
neelyo1965: possibly
neelyo1965: more mysterious this way though
ohthebill: i just took three pics of myself for that journal entry....
ohthebill: im still totally just made my day
neelyo1965: really?
neelyo1965: really really
ohthebill: hand to god
neelyo1965: thats a big arm
ohthebill: and this whole thing is SO on my journal, in testament to the whole concept
neelyo1965: spooky
ohthebill: completely spooky
ohthebill: are you going to pride?
neelyo1965: yup
neelyo1965: working it
neelyo1965: I film a local drag queen
neelyo1965: for a cable access show
neelyo1965: i also edit the shows
ohthebill: yer a filmmaker eh? right on....we just had ours last weekend
neelyo1965: &?
ohthebill: the parade was a bit dismal, but they had a festival in downtown kc, and that was fun
ohthebill: ran into some friends i hadn't seen in a while
neelyo1965: tomorrow will be quite lame
neelyo1965: this is the smallest state
neelyo1965: but Jennifer Holiday is singing at 730P
neelyo1965: We have an interview with her 
ohthebill: believe me, it cant be any worse than kc....the parade was like six blocks...oh my god i LOOOOVE her
neelyo1965: later at her hotel
ohthebill: "AND I AM TELLING YOU"
ohthebill: *sings*
neelyo1965: but I AM going
ohthebill: rock on brother
neelyo1965: I'll send ya a pix of her
ohthebill: oh my god...i'll put them on my journal!!!
neelyo1965: I'm taking 35mm shots too
ohthebill: u know who rufus wainwright is?
neelyo1965: sure do
ohthebill wants to directly connect. 
neelyo1965 is now directly connected. 
neelyo1965: i know you're quite fond of him
ohthebill: HERE! ohthebill: huge pic.....sorry bout that
neelyo1965: o my
neelyo1965: thank god for cable modems
ohthebill: lol
ohthebill: right?
neelyo1965: that pix could have taken all night 
neelyo1965: where was that pic taken?
ohthebill: in a bar...after the show
neelyo1965: OIC
ohthebill: in lawrence, kansas
neelyo1965: one step down from LA
ohthebill: just a hop skip and a jump
neelyo1965: I'm sure you're busy....
neelyo1965: so
neelyo1965: don't want to monopolize ya
ohthebill: not at all
neelyo1965: my name is Scott ( by the way)
ohthebill: BILL!
neelyo1965: i know
ohthebill: so cool....well it was totally cool to meet've totally made my day
neelyo1965: keep in touch if ya see my online
neelyo1965: i'll send u some pics from tomorrow
ohthebill: right on, and look for our conversation in about ten minutes....i have to edit the color and stuff, might take a bit...
neelyo1965: k
ohthebill: you're amazing!
neelyo1965: stop
ohthebill: i'm serious
neelyo1965: well 
neelyo1965: what can i
neelyo1965: say
ohthebill: you just bounced back the love that i was talking an amazing way...
neelyo1965: thats very nice of u to say
neelyo1965: like I said 
ohthebill: im utterly serious
neelyo1965: been nuts around here lately
neelyo1965: life is just so overwhelming sometimes
ohthebill: keep your chin up...dont worry about anything and keep on saying that mantra! IT HELPS!
neelyo1965: i just need to remember whats important
neelyo1965: rejoice in the way things are
neelyo1965: be content with what u have
ohthebill: i've been totally struggling lately too, monitarily, emotionally, spiritually...but things like this help so rejuvinate us
neelyo1965: always someone worse off
ohthebill: right on
ohthebill: you're amazing!
neelyo1965: i understand completely
neelyo1965: topic change
neelyo1965: did u see star wars?
ohthebill: LOL
neelyo1965: yoda rocks
ohthebill: he was amazing....
neelyo1965: if he was just taller......
neelyo1965: and younger....
neelyo1965: and not green
ohthebill: lol
ohthebill: i am telling my bf all about you and this experience
neelyo1965: yikes
ohthebill: hes coming over
neelyo1965: going out this fine evening?
ohthebill: he and i...and yes were going out to dinner, and then out to the bah
neelyo1965: it is the weekend
neelyo1965: that time is it where u are?
ohthebill: and it's gorgeous weather here, and it's friday night
ohthebill: what?
neelyo1965: are u an hour behind me?
ohthebill: its just approaching 6pm here....
neelyo1965: its 730 here
ohthebill: so an hour and a half? thats odd
neelyo1965: u sure its not 630P
ohthebill: oh no, it's six 30, my computer clock is wrong
neelyo1965: OIC
neelyo1965: hmmmmmm
neelyo1965: tying shoes is tomorrows lesson
ohthebill: ah...yes....
ohthebill: i learned how to tie my shoes left handed when i was younger because my mom is left handed
neelyo1965: are u now right handed?
ohthebill: Yes.....the only person that is left handed is my oldest sister,..........i am still floored by this whole thing
neelyo1965: y - i believe everyone meets for a reason
neelyo1965: we're all students & teachers
ohthebill: just amazing.....
ohthebill: ok scotty is here....imma gonna take off, but it was AMAZING to meet you
neelyo1965: hope we talk again
ohthebill: we WILL
neelyo1965: b
neelyo1965: i'll find a pic 4 ya
neelyo1965: WITH clothes
neelyo1965: just kidding
ohthebill: check back for the journal, and when you send pics of j.holliday\
neelyo1965: k
neelyo1965: have fun tonight
ohthebill: you too
ohthebill: talk to you later Scott
neelyo1965: nite
ohthebill: namaste!

Thursday, June 13, 2002

So I have to eat my words from yesterday because I really loved the rehearsal last night. For some reason, I came out of the Folly with a great feeling that the show was going to be great. It's not the most challenging show, or the most challenging music, but it's just fun. Wizard of Oz in 13 minutes, you can't beat it. And our guest none other than Bukeka Shoals, who is a goddess of the universe. Ticket sales are apparently doing well, and they are going to make an announcement about the "Too Poor for Europe" party tonight at dress rehearsal. I got this quote from my sistah, and I thought I would share it:
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy. Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgiven past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying........

From Scotty's website (I laughed so hard when I read this)
In the morning, I got up and got ready for work. I woke Bill so that I could take him home. He was still dreaming when I started to wake him. He asked me if I thought the view was nice. I asked him what view he was talking about. Sleepily he responded “the view from up there on the veranda.” “The veranda? What veranda?” “Up there, where the tenor ones are.” Ok so he wasn’t awake yet. “Baby, Its time to get up so I can take you home.” He jerked awake. I giggled a bit at him and told him what had just happened. 

HAHAHAHAH! Oh well....i never said i was very coherent. that just slays me. I'll probably have more to offer later, but in the spirit of this saturday and sunday's show... listen to this and remember that we are doing Wizard of Oz in 13 minutes. This is brilliant too...another Harold Arlen tune. Good ol Harold.

Wednesday, June 12, 2002

There's only so much you can do. The law seems to favor less-deserving people these days. Take accurate measurements, collect relevant data and patiently await your turn to use it all.

Not much to report today. I have tech rehearsal tonight, dress rehearsal on Thursday, and then the show on Saturday and Sunday. I'll be very glad to get this show over, it's what most of the people in the chorus call a 'throw away show', every once in a while you have to do a show for the audience alone...and this one will be really popular with the general public. Wizard of Oz in 15 minutes, plus Harold Arlen tunes "I've Got the World on a String", "Come Rain or Come Shine", "Hit the Road to Dreamland", etc. Even though I believe that the chorus is really prepared for this show, probably more than any other recent shows, it's still a throw away show, and not much fun to sing. Hopefully I'll change my attitude about it when we get to the Folly, the shows always come together when we get there. Ah well, since I won't be at Sprint, I have to push on to find something else. There is a job out there for me, I simply need to find it.

Tuesday, June 11, 2002

I had a great day today for some reason. Scotty stayed the night last night, and there is nothing I love more than to have him in my bed when we both get up from sleeping. It's such a wonderful thing, it's hard to communicate it through this journal. He left early and I stayed in bed for a little bit but not for too much longer after he left. I got up, made some coffee with my handy dandy french press, and got ready for my day, and the big interview. I was wondering how the car was going to handle driving all the way from Midtown to O.P., but it did fine and I was happy that it made it. Interview went well, but I hate to even get even a little excited about it, because I just don't, so if everything pans out with that, I'll be at Sprint again, but if not, then it's all about the experience. I thought they should hire me, nevertheless. Got home, and did some laundry and tried to avoid the obnoxious heat and humidity of the day, but completely failed in that endeavour, so I put on the air conditioning for a while, but then turned it off after a while because I don't want the electricity bill's to get outlandishly out of control, so I have to curb the air conditioning usage. Also found a version of that song from church that threw me for a loop. Just imagine that song with a beautiful solo baritone singing it, it just pulled me over the top for some reason.

Scotty and I were on the phone with Leila last night, and I inquired whether she wanted me to burn another cd for her (to bring the total to 3, the 1. Leila's Rochester NY Extravaganza Experience, and 2. Leila's Rochester NY Extravaganza Experience Ver_2.0), so she was mentioning what artists she wanted. Rufus Wainwright, Stevie Wonder, Melissa Ethridge singing "Maggie May", and Scotty said "Well, for all the people that you just mentioned, they are all blind or gay".....and as astute as that observation was, he was absolutely in that vain I offer this to my forbidden lover:
Leila's Gay Blind Extravaganza Experience
1. 20th Century Fox Fanfare - John Williams (for the effect of it)
2. Stevie Wonder and various artists - We Are The World (not neccessarily blind or gay, but I thought it was hysterical, nonetheless)
3. The City of New York vs. Homer - The Simpsons (funny cuz they mention Liza....."they're strapping down Liza Minelli!")
4. Free - Stevie Wonder (blind)
5. Don't Go Breakin My Heart - Elton John & Kiki Dee (oh so gay)
6. Bewitched, Bothered And Bewildered - Diane Schuur (blind as a bat)
7. Poses - Rufus Wainwright (gayer than Elton John)
8. Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters - Elton John (gay since 1930)
9. The Magdalene Laundries - Joni Mitchell and The Chieftans (not blind, but might as well be gay)
10. No One Is Alone - Into the Woods Original Cast Recording (Steven Sondheim wrote it..queer as a three dollar bill)
11. Prayer for the Children - Twin Cities Gay Mens Chorus (twin city what chorus?)
12. Maggie May - Melissa Ethridge (live and gay)
13. How Come How Long - Stevie Wonder and Babyface (blind since birth)
14. He Ain't Heavy...He's My Brother - Rufus Wainwright (did I show you the pics from the concert yet?)
15. Everytime We Say Goodbye - Ray Charles and Betty Carter (blind and still alive)
16. Goodbye - Elton John (have you heard of the Queen's Jubilee?)
Don't forget boys and girls, that this Saturday and Sunday is the big show...come on down

oh yeah, i almost forgot that what's his name is gonna be in town later this afternoon. i wish i could protest him, but i have things to do...he's not worth it.

my brother michael sent his fashion statement of the day. he's on the right. they went with someone else for the position. welcome to my life. square one here i come.

i'm moving to canada. i realize that's silly but when you get news such as pisses me off; my legislators refuse to even bring up a hate crimes bill for consideration on the senate floor. this just boils my blood. i won't start ranting about it, but after years and years of struggle, why is this so diffcult for republicans to understand. oh that's right, they're republicans. i can't understand why people don't realize that the numbers of hate crimes against gay and lesbian americans continues to rise every single year, don't believe me; read this 

Sunday, June 9, 2002

Diversity brings you a wide range of happy choices. You make new friends through a shared experience. A deep current rises to the surface, pointing the way for all who can see it.

Well sheesh, how to begin with the pride weekend. Friday night Scotty and I went to the parade, and marched with the chorus boys. To tell you the truth, I liked it, but I didn't like it. I always like being involved with the parade, but it just seems so dismal in comparison to all the other parades and fesitvals that I have attended. The route was 5 blocks, and at points there were no people lining the streets. It was just sort of odd on the back of a flatbed truck rolling through the city with no people cheering us on. I mean in Westport there were tons of people, but then towards the latter part of the route, none. So Friday night we went to the festival and saw Jody Watley perform. Now I realize that it was a 'retro dance party' but Jody Watley just wasn't what I was looking for. She looked great though, I must say. After the festivities were done at Barney Ellis Plaza, we went out to the Dixie Belle, and it was fun in the beginning, but then the masses started coming out and it took a half an hour just to get a drink, it ws truly obnoxious. Scotty and I ran into a friend of his that he worked with years ago and we (Darren and his weird boyfriend) and Scotty and I wound up all going back to my place for a small after party, hosted by yours truly. Saturday it was all about errands, we went to a little diner for breakfast/lunch (after getting up at 1pm), Scott got a haircut, and we went back downtown to the festival and it was crazy hot, so we could only handle it for so long. Ran into Lisa Hopkins, who I was shocked to have seen. Long story there, but it seemed to be a positive meeting, and one of reconcilliation on both of our parts. The only thing of note from the festival performers were the drag queens, and for the love of liza, I love drag queens, but Kansas City has some pitiful excuses for drag queens. The only one worth mentioning was the one who did a really Marylin Manson's version of "Tainted Love", she walked on the stage with a huge cross with long chains to her arms, and was just hot! You just had to give it up to her for orginality. Saturday night we didn't do much, but Scotty cooked a wonderful meal at my place. We had some great steaks marinated with rosemary and olive oil, white corn and for dessert fudge brownies! My friend Andy came over towards the latter part of the evening, and hung out with us on the front porch, enjoying the wonderful summer breeze. This morning we woke up relatively early and did Unity, they had this wonderful baritone singer who did "No One is Alone" from "Into the Woods", and brought me literally to tears. Out to lunch with the church fags, and then back here to enjoy a rainy, lazy Sunday afternoon. I have an interview tomorrow at Sprint, which I am excited about, then rehearsal on Tuesday and the countdown to Chicago has begun. 18 days!

Friday, June 7, 2002

The road is bitter, the stars have lost their glitter

The road is bitter, the stars have lost their glitter

So last night I went out with Scott, Schick, and Cooper (who's this wonderful woman, she's a playwright and an author, and a mother of two daughters). So we went to this comedy club because Cooper's daughter was going to be the headliner. She was hysterical, and it was a great time. The minor comediannes did their thing and then the major comedian came up and did his thing, he was hysterical. After the show because Schicky was there, we took pictures with all the people, and then went out to this little piano bar on 87th and Wornall called "The Piano Room". I had been there before for Lea Lavish's birthday celebration, but they have completely re-vamped the place from a little dive-bar to a cute little piano bar. So this guy was here, and could you possibly be any more gay? He was really nice though, and Diane and Marcia (Schick and Cooper) insisted that I sing a song, (yeah right Bill, like anyone has to do any insisting when there's a microphone involved), so at first I sang "Piano Man", and then there was this weird guy that make weird noises with a dollar bill (it's Missouri, people) so I asked him if he knew "The Man That Got Away" and he said he did, but he didn't know any of the Marcia and I had to recall all the words, I had to write them all down on peice of paper, and now that I listen to it, right before the second verse, there's a whole section I missed HAHAHAH!! Ah well, it's all good it's all about The Man that Got Away, he turned it into sort of a polka, and as you can hear, it's not supposed to have any up-temp beat, it's a real lazy, jazz kinda song, but we did it sort of polka, up-tempo. So hysterical, Marcia loved it, we dedicated all the songs to her because it was her birthday today.

Oh yeah, it's the dismal gay pride parade here in Kansas City tonight. Weird enough that they have the parade on a friday but at 6pm, after everybody gets off of work and is all tired and cranky from a long day? What's up with that?

You're gonna die! Okay, our neighbors have this cat that they don't feed and don't take care of, so I, being the animal lover that I am, have taken it upon myself to feed the cat, and put a bowl of cat food on our front porch because when you go up to her and feel her, she is complete skin and bones....we affectionately call her Momma. So the momma had like 7 kittens about four months ago, that now have turned to into toddlers and the neighbors not only do not feed the cats, but they don't allow them in their house either, so now Momma is roaming around the neighborhood. What's going to happen when a female cat that isn't fixed roams around the neighborhood with dominant male cats roaming around too? That's right, other kittens. Momma just had four little gorgeous kittens that have hardlyopened their eyes yet. They are so beautiful, it's a wonder how people neglect them. If you're wondering how big they are, try smaller than a mousepad. Stay tuned for the continuing saga of Momma and her kittens, because they are too beautiful of subjects not to be photographed. By the way, if you need a gorgeous little kitty, let me know, and we'll arrange it. I would rather have the kittens be with a friend of mine who I know will take care of them, rather than some horrible, neglectful neighbor.

Oh, and guess who has an interview on Monday at Sprint? *cue music*

Wednesday, June 5, 2002

What a republican jerkoff. When you read this letter that follows, you want to believe that he's going for federal hate crimes protection, but then he bursts the bubble right at the last second. Guess I shouldn't have expected anything from a dumbfuck rebpulican. 
June 5, 2002

Mr. William Rosen
Dear Mr. Rosen:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts regarding federal hate crimes. I appreciate your insight into this complex legal issue.

Senator Edward Kennedy (D-MA) introduced S. 625, the Local Law Enforcement Enhancement Act of 2001, the most recent legislative proposal concerning hate crimes, in March. This measure outlaws hate crimes committed on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, or disability. The bill also establishes a grant program for local law enforcement agencies and instructs the Justice Department to assist states in prosecuting hate crimes. S. 625 has been referred to the Senate Judiciary Committee for further consideration.

I am opposed to all forms of discrimination and support law enforcement agencies that aggressively prosecute violent offenders. However, before enacting new hate crimes legislation, we must be cautious in giving preferential treatment to select classes of victims. Every American is entitled to equal justice regardless of personal characteristics.

Again, thank you for taking the time to contact me with your thoughts on this matter. I look forward to your advice and counsel.

With every best wish,

Pat Roberts

The insomnia has crept back up and I literally have not slept in two days. Scott came over last night after rehearsal and we watched t.v. for a while, and then went to bed and I was perfectly awake. I think that I have been worrying about things too much, and that causes my mind to go on automatic pilot and not allow me to sleep. I am seriously going crazy. I have also confirmed with the social committee chair in the chorus that the Too Poor For Europe party will be an official chorus mixer, for the people who aren't going to Europe. I have two theories on this, one; it can be a great time, all the chorus boys will come over and we'll all have a smashing time, or two; why am I inviting a hundred queens over to my house? I will believe the former of the two conclusions, and operate out of the positive. I've been in sort of a melancholy mood of late, and the only way I can describe it is by music, and even though this has the energy of a breakup song, (Scott and I have never been better) it really gives a good picture of how I've been feeling lately. So much for working from the positive. I try as hard as I can.

Monday, June 3, 2002

So I know that I haven't written anything substantial for the last couple of days, I just haven't had anything substantial to write. I suppose I could recap the weekend though. Friday went to the Spritfestival, and it was wonderful. The organization was tremendous, and a great time was had by all. We were pulling in the people to the margarita stand and cat-calling people up to the stand "AYAYAYAYAYAYAA!!!"....people were scared of us because we were having so much fun. So Scott and I walk around the festival and stop at this great little jewlry shop, and stop and look at their serongs. I have been wanting to get another one, because one can never have too many serongs. I picked out a brilliant red one and Scotty got a masculine blue one. Can I tell you how much I love wearing a serong? It's only my favorite article of clothing! We worked the night and were so tired afterwards. So we finally left and got over to Scotty's house and crashed all with our feet aching, sunburned, and someone being mr cranky-pants, but I love him for it. Saturday didn't do much of anything of note, after doing the Nelson Atkins for a couple of hours, and sitting on the lawn tanning for about a half an hour before we decided that it was too intense, we went back to my place and this is how Scotty described the experience on Saturday:
ohthebill: um what did we do on satuday?
ohthebill: other than go to the dixie belle?
Mscottwall: ate winsteads. met peter and chuck at the gallery. napped
ohthebill: thats RIGHT
Mscottwall: had great sex
Mscottwall: you fucked me then I fucked you.
ohthebill: LOL
ohthebill: i should put that on the journal
Mscottwall: yeah
We went to the DB at 11:30pm, and it was just about as dead as it could be. Stayed there for while, but then left to go back to Scotty's. Sunday was sort of crazy.Went to the service at Unity, then out to lunch with the boys, then we had to sing at an ecumenical service, a sort of interfaith service for the pride peoples. It was a great service, I really enjoyed it. Great speakers, and great music..heee! After that, off to my place, because it was so close to turn the air conditioner back on cuz my roomie is gone till August, and he left the house early and turned everything off. Got the house cooled down a bit, and then went back to Scotty's for dinner with his roomies, and then back to my place for the season finale of Six Feet Under. Loved the episode, just hate the cliffhanger about Nate dammit. On a more personal note, Scott and I just celebrated a three month anniversary on Sunday. I love him more than I have loved any man. It's all about unconditional love that knows no boundaries, limitations, or restrictions, it's unconditional love at its best, and for all the crap that I took whilst in my last relationship, I have a great feeling about this one, that this will be the lasting one. I have told Scott that he is the first man that I have had a relationship with that I feel like I can be myself with. Others have been stiffling, controlling, or just not right. He loves me for him, I love him for him, what else do we need? Lots; honesty, respect and admiration...but we already had all of that. I love him. What else can I say?

P.S. Look for an announcement soon about the Too Poor to Go To Europe with the Chorus party at my house.
Dear god, I've made all the invitations to the Too Poor For Europe Party, and now I have become an online pimp. I give and I give. But go there and mention Jhames, apparently it helps, but he doesn't know how, because he doesnt know how to play the game yet. Logical, right? 
So even though this has all of my personal information, I will post it on here, because I want this party to be a huge success, and have tons of people show up, so take these and pass them out to anyone that lives in Kansas City that you know and trust to show up at my house. Talk about a leap of faith. Not that ANYONE READS MY JOURNAL ANYWAY MISS PLASTICO!

Saturday, June 1, 2002

If you ever doubted your power, worth or direction, the Pisces Moon is here to affirm them. Your imagination brightens a world that's been getting too dark. Raw materials bring you closer to the source.

From HMC:

In the past, we have sent an attached e-ad for you to forward to all your contacts to invite them to our program. Several people have had problems with the size of the attachment.

Now, it's easier than ever -- write a simple message inviting your friends to attend, and include this link in your message:

(just get it here)

This will display our electronic picture invitation, and from there, folks are just one click away from ordering their tickets! Make sure you tell them to mention YOUR NAME when they order, so that we can recognize you.

Let's make this fabulous program the best seller ever!

Wednesday, May 29, 2002

"A Kansas City Declaration"

Please copy this and send it to your friends and family and fax it in to the Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Greater Kansas City. Information is posted at the bottom of the statement.
"A Kansas City Declaration"
On June 22, 2002, "Focus on the Family" is presenting a national conference in Kansas City promoting the scientifically discredited and immoral claim that "homosexuality is preventable and treatable." As clergy and people of faith, we are responding by lifting our voice in support of our lesbian and gay sisters and brothers. We believe that "reparative therapy," "conversion therapy" or any other attempt to alter one's sexual orientation is a harmful distortion of the image of God in which we are all created. 

We support the position of the psychological community that has stated since 1974 that homosexuality is within the normal spectrum of human sexuality. We affirm the value of loving, committed families for all God's children. We believe that families are people living in covenant relationships of love and fidelity. We consider these sisters and brothers to be a unique, holy and precious gift to all of us as we work together to become the family of God.

"Focus on the Family" promises participants that "you'll be reminded of the power of love, and how it will always win out over fear, hatred or ignorance." We also pray that God's love will truly win out, and that fear, hatred and ignorance will one day disappear. 

We unite in support of those gay and lesbians who refuse to abandon or be forced out of their faith homes. We rejoice with other communities of faith that are open and accepting of all people. We urge families and friends to embrace their gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender loved ones, and to celebrate life within the rich diversity of God's creation.

You may fax your signed letter of support to the Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Greater Kansas City at (816) 931-1420 or by regular mail to the Center at 207 Westport Road, Suite 212 , Kansas City, Missouri 64111. For more information, visit or email

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

Leila's Rochester New York Extravaganza Experience Ver_2.0

Leila's Rochester New York Extravaganza Experience Ver_2.0

1. 20th Century Fox Fanfare
2. Bushwacked 
3. Sweet Child of Mine - Guns and Roses 
4. Have a Talk with God - Stevie Wonder
5. Across the Universe - (live at John Lennon Tribute) Rufus Wainwright, Sean Lennon, & Moby
6. Someone Like You - Linda Eder (Jekyl & Hyde Soundtrack)
7. Get Here - Oleta Adams
8. You Can Sleep While I Drive - (live) Melissa Ethridge
9. Come Rain or Come Shine - (live) Dinah Washington
10. She - Chrissy Hynde and Emmylou Harris
11. Cock-boy
12. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley covers Leonard Cohen
13. Craklin' Rosie - Neil Diamond
14. Cuban Fire - Arturo Sandoval
15. All Is Full of Love - Bjork (Remix)
16. In A Graveyard - Rufus Wainwright
17. St. Louis Blues - Stevie Wonder with Herbie Hancock
18. Rock-N-Roll Suicide - David hotass Bowie

Can anyone guess what the cd label is made from? Uh Bill, you're obsessed!

Monday, May 27, 2002

Holy being productive Batman!

Say what's in your heart, and let your credentials fill in the blanks. Libra does well on the road and shines in the presence of younger people. Your efforts are maximized to their fullest effect.
All things accomplished before 9:30am:

1. Emailed and faxed my senators and representatives.

2. Started doing both of our laundry

3. Cleaned the entire house including but not limited to: Vacuming, Febreezing, mopping, dusting, and someone I know doing (I mean cleaning, sanatizing with boiling water, and then drying) all of my dishes. Can you believe that? I might have to tangent about this. We got out of bed after waking up early and first of all, I love having Scott in my bed in the morning. It's so wonderful to wake up with him, and being able to snuggle when we wake up. So we got up, and he immediately started attacking my sinks. There was a HUGE pile of dishes in both of the sinks, and he has now finished them all! A man doing my dishes? Whats up with that?

4. Updated my website journal

5. French press, then making iced coffee for me, and hot coffee for him

6. Recovered from the beer/liquor bust last night at the DB.

I'd say that's pretty good for before 9:30am huh?

Sunday, May 26, 2002



Haven't had much to say lately, other than I have nothing to say. We sang for the re-dedication of the WWI Memorial here in Kansas City today. It was gorgeous weather, and somebody I know got a little sunburned. Poor little lamb hasn't gotten any sun this season, and the couple of hours that we stood in front of the monument and sang "Over the Rainbow" & "Down with Love" seemed a bit much for his fair skinned neck. 

I got this hysterical email from a little boy who apparently is an admirer of the site:
Hello. I am an 18-year-old queer boy (Certainly not a "boi," just a boy) who will be attending the University of Missouri in Columbia come August 26. I'm studying journalism and musical performance as a vocalist. I'm sort of worried that I will be the only person on-campus who prefers the company of other fine young men. Can you fill me in on Columbia's gay scene? Thanks in advance for your help. I greatly enjoy your website, by the way. (Am I simply kissing ass? Who knows...) 
Thank you, 
How funny. I wanna get more sun tomorrow, because I am a sun whore. I love watching myself transform from a white boy, to a little indian boy :-) Summer is on baby! Anybody want to start a tanning contest? Leila....anyone?

Thursday, May 23, 2002

Loved the West Wing, especially the part where they underscored the death of the secret service agent with the cover of the brilliant Leonard Cohen song by the brilliant Jeff Buckley. I've loved him forever, and it worked perfectly. I also loved the interaction between Bartlett and the other candidate for Prez, of course it is none other than James fucking Brolin. Oh, and Liza will be on the View tomorrow, believe I'll have the vcr ready!!
Oh and in the "I forgot about that until someone reminded me files" and "full disclosure", I completely forgot about that. Unsafe? yes. Stupid, yes. Embarrasing? Maybe a little, but I won't apologize for it. Nor do I have to answer to anyone about it. Rehashing it? Why not? I have nothing to loose, I don't have secret sex with people and then have to apologize after people who aren't supposed to know about it find out. Wouldn't that be a shitty place to be at? What a tangled web we weave.

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

Your idealism is inflated to cosmic proportions. For Librans who want to be all things to all people, there's finally enough to go around. Put forth your agenda while everyone's still listening.
I had a dream last night that my sister was bitten by a snake. I was in my childhood home in Illinois, and in my room with my sister Mary. She and I were hanging up posters on the walls. I moved the bed away from the wall so I could get closer to the wall (you would think that I would just step on the bed, but I didn't) and I noticed the snake. I continued to put the poster up and then sat down in the chair in my room. I went down on the floor and watched as my sister was standing, facing the bed, with her legs right up to the bed and how the snake went up to her, raised up it's head, came back for the snap, and bit her with amazing speed. I tried to warn her that it looked like the snake was going to bite her, but the words couldn't come out of my mouth. We went downstairs, and it was only a garter snake so it wasn't poisonous, so she recovered well from the bite, but I only remember talk about 'can someone get the snake out of Billy's room, please?" I don't know what happened to it, but when I woke up, I immediatly thought of Sensemaya:

inspired by the Afro-Cuban revolutionary and poet Nicolas Gullien, Semsemaya tells the tale of the sacrificial killing of a snake. The savage, violent, yet controlled and mesmeric orchestral version speaks not only of ritual blood-loss, but also reveals something of Reveueltas' own hard-living, self-destructive character

Oh yeah, and speaking of dreaming/sleep deprivation etc etc, last night at about 4:00am, I was awakened by what I thought was a noisy neighbor or something. I woke up, and was irritated, I turned over and tried to fall back asleep. The sound got louder (think, fire alarm in a building or something like reminded me of college and stupid people would pull the fire alarm) and I could no longer ignore it. I was a smite concerned about it, so I got up, opened the door to my room, and expected to see clouds of smoke. None. At first I thought someone was trying to drill the lock out of the door, because it was sort of a grinding sound too. I walked into the kitchen, and nothing. I turned on the light in the living room, and it seemed to be coming from the other side of the living room, I walked to the other side, and what was it? The fucking stupid little fountain that my roomates have sitting on top of the mantle. Anyway. I finally got my binder and my portable mp3 player from the wife. I have been without those since the roadtrip. Speaking of that, I need to harass my wife about writing that up. I've had a number of people inquire about the "Roadtrip Diaries", and since the wife has the sheets that we wrote it up on, I can do nothing. Maybe when she reads this particular paragraph, she'll get on it and start writing it up? Probably not.

Saw on MSN today that the United States government is going to sue Florida for all of the voting irregularities from the 2000 Presidential election. Hrm, that's funny. I've only been ranting about how that dumbfuck shouldn't be the President for oh, the PAST YEAR! If you are unfamilliar with this situation, Florida's governor, dumbfuck's brother instructed the secretary of state toeliminate the black vote, and so called "felon votes"...all in all, 57,000 votes were simply eliminated. I don't want to start ranting about this because I won't stop, and you'll have to read my iced coffee induced rants about how George Bush isn't really the president. Just read this and be OUTRAGED!.

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

I'd like to thank the Dalai Lama....

I'd like to thank the Dalai Lama....

Last night I had a dream that I won a Daytime Emmy for my role on All My Children. I don't know what the actual award was, and I didn't have to give a speech, but all I remember was that it had something to do with Scott and I. If I had to give a speech, I'm sure I would have thanked Stevie Wonder, Joni Mitchell and the Dalai Lama. On the way out to the parking lot, Kelly Ripa came up to me and congratulated me. For some reason the awards ceremony took place at St. Matthews, (the church I used to go to when I was a kid) and I was driving the big Ford van that I used to drive around when I was in high school. All I can remember was that I still had a cast on my leg, and walking out to the van caused me pain, and then I forgot my bag in the building, so I had to go back in, and that's when I woke up. crazy eh? You're guess is as good as mine.

Speaking of the Emmy's, did you hear that hysterical mistake that they made during the live show? Poor Susan Lucci.

On to more hysterical things:
Step 1: Get familiarized with this
Step 2: Get a phone book
Step 3: Call a random number (I tried to call Leila last night, but she hung up)
Step 4: Try not to laugh, when the people actually fall for it.
Speaking of Leila, she sent me this and said that she was amazed when she read it, because she thought that I wrote it. I got some great pictures back yesterday. Some great ones of Scott and I, and Diane and I at the party, and a couple of Rufus at the Lawrence show sitting onstage with his lil guitar. I think my favorites are the one of wife and Michael Davis (with the wife's glasses on) and of course, Randy who is more hysterical than you can possibly imagine. Rehearsal tonight. We're singing for whomever shows up at the re-dedication of the Liberty Memorial here in KC on Saturday. They invited dumbfuck, but all reports say that he's not coming. I think it's hysterical that the queer chorus sings for the Republican administration. Who says that irony is dead?
I am taking down alot of the mp3's off of this site. Just take up too much space. If you click on a mp3 file and you get the error message, just drop me an email and I'll put it up there again for you, I just can't have all of that space being taken up all the time. I'm going to unveil a new "Now Playing" section soon anyway.

Monday, May 20, 2002

what a lazy weekend

what a lazy weekend
Shrug off excesses. Your simple needs are swamped under too big of a payload. The week will have to start without your full participation. Once you understand the assignment, you'll be able to catch up.
Had a great weekend with Scott. He got in from Houston at about 8pm on Friday, so we didn't make it to the Lyric, nor did we go to his business picnic, so we just stayed at home and watchedST:TNG. I think that it's a wonderful sign that we enjoy just lying with eachother, and not doing a thing at all. Saturday was a bit crazed. After spending the night at my house, Scott went back to his place, because he had to finish some laundry and some home improvement projects...namey finishing painting his room. We didn't get started until way late in the afternoon, and I needed to get my haircut badly, so I stayed home, because my friend Jay has a salon close to my place. Got my locks cut, and Scott came over, and we went off to dinner with the boys to a local Mexican place. Had a great dinner, then went out to Missy B's and saw some pitiful drag-queens (that's another story altogether, but Richard said that I should do drag at Missy's.....I was like.."i could blow these bitches out of the water", if I ever did anything I can only thank my friend Charlie for showing me the ropes of drag. I would only agree if I could do something like this.) I digress. We leave Missy's and then go to the wretched Cabaret, much to the chagrin of many members of the group. There was some dancing to be had, but the most comedic parts of that experience were watching the straight people dance. Why do these middle aged straight couples come to the gayest bar in town? Rocking ass music, that's why. It was really funny because the straight people were the only ones dancing on the floor, all the fags were waiting for later, until the music got better. So bless their hearts, the three couples of breeders made a spectable of themselves dancing and kissing. Don't tease them, they bite. After leaving there, some left and went to Balanca's, and others stayed at the Cab. Scott and I left and went to the next destination Balanca's. Three words: ghetto ass people. There were some cute boys and girls, but jesus christ, the majority of the population there was nasty ass-trifilin ho's, men and women alike. I was suprised, because the last time I was at balanca's, i really liked it, and thought that it was a welcoming lesbian bar that was totally cool. Maybe there was something special going on, but it didn't seem like it. Anyway, after having some great conversatin with Scott's friend Richard (ahem) Scott and I took off to the Dixie Belle. Saw some chorus guys, said hi to David of Norway (who is just hysterical) and had some of our own adventures. After walking around the Dixie Belle for a while, we then left and got home to Scott's place at aboot 3am. Missed church (we were going to go do the seperate church thing, me going to CSL and him going to Unity, but we just slept in). After replenishing with KFC, we spent the entire day doing nothing other than lying on the couch, and watching a great documentary aboot mah sistah the Queen as well as Six Feet Under. The more time I spend with Scott, the more I can feel that he and I have a great thing going on. He and I are really like the same person in one, I know it's completely cheezy, but it's true. We have the same views on so many things, and the same sort of temperment, and reactions to things. I just really love him. Who knew?

By the way, I give my greetings to the people of Denmark, the United Kingdom, Germany, France, Canada, Spain, Italy, Japan and Switzerland. You love me, you really love me!
New Message Board Created!
I have a new message board...check it out and post to it if you're interested!

Saturday, May 18, 2002

what a kick!

You want to explain something that can't be defined. Just savor the experience as it unfolds. Libra can charm anyone these days, and it's a skill that you should put to your advantage.
What a kick. I just signed on to a service that allows me to track my website more accurately, and it is fascinating to see where the people come from. Not only is it the United States, but apparently I am an international read. I only signed up yesterday, but I've had 149 hits today so far, but total, since yesterday is 216. The county, and then the number of hits, and then the percentage is listed.
1. United States 140 64.8 % 

2. Germany 8 3.7 % 

3. United Kingdom 8 3.7 % 

4. France 6 2.8 % 

5. Japan 5 2.3 % 

6. Canada 4 1.9 % 

7. Switzerland 4 1.9 % 

8. Spain 4 1.9 % 

9. Sweden 4 1.9 % 

10. Australia 3 1.4 % 

Unknown 15 6.9 %
The rest 15 6.9 %

Cities 1. Kansas City 13 

2. Vienna 2 

3. Zurich 2 

4. Nice 2 

5. Denton 2 

6. Fontenay-sous-Bois 2 

7. Lyon 1 

8. Hamburg 1 

9. Montpellier 1 

10. Phoenix 1 

Unknown 218 
The rest 5
Isnt' that a kick? Oh, and what a crock of shit. The government knows everything that goes on in this country. Most people are completely oblivious to that fact. If they can see license plates from a satellite and the flipping FBI has been talking about this BEFORE 9/11, then he knew. I don't believe a word of anything this stupid President {who's not even supposed to be the president} says.

Friday, May 17, 2002

love me some latin classical music

Not much to say other than I love me some Silvestre Revueltas. We had an imprompu rehearsal for a certain player friend of mine at the house this afternoon, where I was introduced to a lil bit of the fabulous Sensemaya. Listen and try to follow along, i dare you. It's fabulous though, really dark and brooding, sort of like Stravinksy but with a latin flare. Love it. I'll be at the Lyric tonight, same place where I went to the dress rehearsal of Cold Sassy Tree, and wound up being taught how to do a cartwheel by a ten year old in the vesitbule of the balcony. I was rated a 8 out of ten on my carwheel thank you very much. I loved the music, but not the opera. Weird hearing an opera in English, about a small Georgia town.

Thursday, May 16, 2002


As much as you want a job or a treasure, it's hard to convince others that you're qualified to have it. Hesitant speakers are afraid of offending someone. A loud, clear voice will help get you what you deserve.

Why does it seem like everything that I do, I just hit a complete brick wall? Needless to say things are not going well at the casa de guillaume. Sometimes I wonder if I can handle any more. I've always have heard that God would never give you more than you can handle in one day. Who the fuck made that up? Sometimes I wonder if I'm just bound to be penniless for the rest of my life. I have no money, I have no food, I have nothing to prove that I've even been on this earth. Oh yeah, well then again, I was on a recording when I was younger. Any music buffs in the house? Can anyone tell me what the significance of the Bach St. Matthews Passion ending is? I bet you can, even if it is in German. Doesn't take a rocket scientist. It's gorgeous anyway.

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

All the pride crap is starting

All the pride crap is starting

In honor of gay pride, I offer these questions to my straight fans.
Heterosexual Questionnaire
1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide your were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you might grow out of?

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of the same sex?

5. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex and enjoyed it, isn't it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

6. To whom did you disclose your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

7. Why do heterosexual feel compelled to recruit others into their lifestyle?

8. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?

9. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it in your own home?

10. Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?

11. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Therefore, do you consider it safe to expose your children to a heterosexual teacher?

12. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman, and vice versa?

13. Why? do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

14. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone was heterosexual?

15. Even with all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

16. There seems to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you wanted to. Have you considered aversion therapy?
No work today, I have a performance at the Club Cabaret tonight with the chorus. It is one of the kickoffs to the pride celebrations. My brother woke me up this morning, because he had questions about html, and how to link stuff, so I explained some stuff, we hung up, and then he called me back. HAA, so go volunteer some hours with his gig. He's in Chicago though.

I feel as though I must mention my forbidden lover, Leila. We are going to be reunited much to the chagrin of her family next month in Chicago. Oh the CHUPACABRA!

Wednesday - May 15, 2002

I love 
In2Hotboyz: hey, your pics are cute
OhTheBill: hey thank you 
In2Hotboyz: you're welcome :) 
OhTheBill: much obliged 
In2Hotboyz: lol, anytime 
In2Hotboyz: take it ez 
OhTheBill: uh, you too 
In2Hotboyz: thanks 


I would start talking about my life, and recent events, and the world in general, but I'm over it.

Monday, May 13, 2002

This is a mix that I just burned, just a powerhouse of music. I put it on the Art of the Mix, look at the one for the 13th. I don't know who to give it to yet. If you want it, drop me a line. If not, I'll just keep it to myself :-)

1. 20th Century Fox Fanfare
2. Arturo Sandoval - Mambo caliente
3. Linda Eder - Man Of La Mancha (I Don Quixote)
4. Jill Scott - One Is The Magic Number (live)
5. Diane Schuur & The Count Basie Orchestra - Travelin' Blues
6. Paul Simon with Ladysmith Black Mamabazo - Homeless
7, Marvin Gaye - Distant Lover (Live)
8. Oleta Adams - God bless the child
9. Bjork - You Only Live Twice
10. Joni Mitchell - I Don't Know Where I Stand
11. Patti LaBelle - You Are My Friend
12. Linda Eder - Someone Like You
13. Bjork - Unravel (live in Boston 10-12-01)
14. Arturo Sandoval - Brassmen's Holiday
15. Positronic_Brain
16. Cat Stevens - Trouble
17. Ray Charles/Betty Carter - Everytime We Say Goodbye
18. Goodbye - Elton John
May 13, 2002
Dionne Warwick Busted in Miami Airport

Five-time Grammy winner and former pitchwoman for the Psychic Friends Network Dionne Warwick, 61, was arrested Sunday when security officers screening her luggage at Miami International Airport said that they discovered 11 suspected marijuana cigarettes inside her lipstick container, reports the Associated Press. The entertainer, who lives in Miami, was charged with possession of less than 5 grams of marijuana, says the news service. Warwick reportedly signed an affidavit in which she vowed to appear in court and was later released. She ended up missing her flight to Los Angeles, said the AP. The incident began at around 7:30 in the morning, when screeners at Miami Airport's Concourse D noticed a suspicious item in Warwick's carry-on bag. A spokesperson for Warwick could not be reached. Two years ago, reported, Warwick grew testy on local New York station WNBC's "Today in New York" when co-anchor Maurice DuBois asked her about circulating reports concerning her cousin Whitney Houston's alleged problems with substance abuse and/or calls for a family intervention on Houston's behalf. When DuBois turned the subject to Houston, now 38, Warwick snapped: "I have an answer for that. I think, basically, that it's none of your business. And if anybody does care about it, they would just wish her luck. It's what goes on behind closed doors, and it's just nobody's business."

Saturday, May 11, 2002

Can I tell you a story please?

Can I tell you a story please?

In the previous entry I wrote that I saw Rufus Wainwright in concert, and met him and his band. This entry will prove it without a shadow of a doubt. Let me just start at the beginning. I started the day with my good friend the flute player. I was helping her with everything house-related, and then we went to work out in the gym. This gym is like no gym you've seen before. Johnson County makes me sick sometimes, because of all the affluence. Well anyway, we went to the gym, took a swim in the olympic size pool, and did the hot steam baths, sauna's and very very hot whirlpools. So much fun. I did twenty minutes in the tanning booth too, just to get a base right? A girl's gotta get her base before the summer, or else you's in trouble! We left to go to my house and meet Scott and that's where the story starts. D and I get to my house, and I run in to change into my silver David Bowie concert shirt (because you know, this is a very special occasion, seeing my future ex-husband, Rufus, so appropriate attire is expected!). Scott rolls around from work and then we make our way to the car, to go to Lawrence. We asked my roomate Jason to take a picture of the road-trip crew, and of course we had to return the favor and get a picture of Jason and Paul. So then Diane takes a picture of all of the fags and we are off to Lawrence. Portions of this trip, just the road trip, are on video also. During the 45 minute trip, D and I trade earrings, because she loved my hoops, so now I am looking as gay as one man could possibly look. But of course, I love it. We get to Lawrence and find the Rufus tour bus. Now, I've had this experience before. If you go to the bus, there will always be a sighting of the person ON the bus. So, I've been called a stalker before, and apparently somebody on the bus, thought so too, because as I was standing in front of the bus, trying get Rufus to come off the bus, they put up the curtainto block our view into the bus. That picture was hysterical when I first saw it, because it was completely NOT posed. We then ask some strange men to take a picture of us in front of the U Haulthat is attached to the bus. As we are eating in the little gay coffeehouse right by the bus, I see Rufus coming out of the bus. I took a picture, but it's not worth posting here. We'll get to it, oh will we EVER get to it. We get to the concert venue and we were supposed to sit upstairs in the balcony, but there was absolutely no security, so we just wandered down, into the general admission area on the main floor. Saw some Kansas City boys (Bill N. and Don), and got settled in for the show. Martha (Rufus' sister) came out first and did her gig. All I can say to that is somebody unplug the goddammed microphone. There's another story to that too. So Rufus comes out, I am screaming like a little girl naturally. The review of the show has some great pictures. Most of ours didn't come out, because we couldn't get too close. That's ok, we got all the COUP pictures we needed for this experience, lemme tell ya. I'll get to it.

So after the show, we wait around for awhile at the bus. Some random people come out, and then I see the hotass bass player come out and start signing cd's for some people. Of course he walks across the street, and D goes right after him. Scott and I walk to Diane and by this time she has already taken a picture of him. I introduce myself and shake his hand and tell him that I've been a fan of Rufus since 97. He was suprised; and I asked if we could take a picture him with us and he was totally gracious and obliged. He was on the way to this bar called the Tap Room and we strayed away from him, whilst deciding what to do, because, frankly, the target was Rufus. It was nice to meet the bass player, but my whole goal was first contact with Rufus. So we decided to go to this bar the Tap Room and see if he was there. I felt so bad, because there was this girl in front of the bar that was hanging out by the bus after the show, and she so desperately wanted to get in, but she was underage. I asked her if her friend (another hottie that was waiting outside the bus after the show) was in the bar, and she said 'yeah, he went in to go see if Rufus and the band went into the bar". I said "you can't get into the bar?" and she said "no, I'm 20". I simply said "excuse me", and walked up the steps into the bar, D and Scott followed. Upon entering the really dark bar, I was immediately carded, and after I looked around the bar for a bit, I saw him. He was standing about ten feet away from me, in the middle of the bar, talking with a fan. I said "oh my god Diane, he's right there, he's standing right there!" she said "okay, here we go" and walked right up to him, being respectful enough to wait till he was done talking with the guy that he was talking to (psycho guy) and quickly snapped a picture. He started talking to us first, and we congratulated him on the show, and then he said "oh, you were the guys at the bus this afternoon, right?" Uh, yeah, so you realize that we really DID stalk you, and that was us that made you put up the curtain? We asked if we could take some pictures, and he said sure. So nice, so gracious. I was first. As this was all going on, I said "Rufus, I've been a fan of yours forever..blah blah", and as I was saying this, I grabbed the left part of his waist (so skinny, so hot) with my left arm, and he put his arm around me and FLASH I couldn't believe it. Scott introduced himself and FLASH. Since D was taking the pictures, I offered to take one of her and him. The first one didn't turn out well so I didn't scan it, but the second one sho nuff did. I gave the camera back to her and she snapped another one which took him completely off guard and he at that point asked us not to take any more pictures because it hurt his eyes. Understandable. I must've said "okay, just one more picture, and we'll leave you alone" HAAAAA! So at that point, I seriously didn't want to appear as we really were, stalkers, so we thanked him again for the great show, and he walked away. So amazing. Scott and I sat down at the bar, ordered a Corona and tried to calm down. Where was D? Of course she followed Rufus to the corner where he was sitting with his sister Martha and got another picture. At that point, D said that Martha said "no more pictures". The flash crazy trio has been fended off by Martha. Whatever, we have speculated that she was the one on the bus, who saw me trying to look in and pulled the curtain. These questions will never be answered, but let me just give her some advice from Scott being the little farm-boy that he is. "In Kansas we know what's under a pig's tail sister". I just laughed and laughed, because my friend David and I, the last time we saw Rufus she was there singing in her nasal voice, and we hated her then and I don't think David's opinion has changed. Just stop singing bitch. I loves Scott's comment in the car after the whole night was through: "well, she's a good BACKGROUND singer". Now D and Scott are part of the "down with Martha" club. Love it. So we were drinking a beer at the end of the bar, when I see Teddy Thompson racking up the pool balls for a game of pool. I had to go introduce myself and say "I loved the show, I love you're voice, been a fan of Rufus' forever, and I discovered you through him, and am a fan of yours as well. He was so sincere and said thanks man, I said "I have all your albums" (is that not the cheeziest thing you can say to a musical celebrity?) and he said "just one, right?" and it was just funny. So D quickly slipped a quick picture in, and then I introduced him to Scott and Scott shook his hand and said "Hi, I'm Scott", and he said "Hi, Teddy" he was just some guy off the unassuming, so sincere. I asked if we could take a picture together, and why stop at Rufus when you can get a picture with a hotass guitar player/songwriter too? He put his arms around both Scott and I and voila. We finished our beer, and left with yet another Rufus Wainwright COUP, and this time, pictures to prove it. Amazing company, brilliant show, I mean..amazing music, and the best of all, FIRST CONTACT BABY!

On a completely different tangent, I got some horrible news about a close family member of mine. I will not post it, because it is intensely private, but please keep my whole family in your prayers. On a lighter note, I do have all of the road trip pictures scanned, I just need to write that whole episode up at a later date. Rufus was a tsunami that took precedence over the road trip, but I'll leave you with this: What would make someone stop in the middle of their road trip, lie down on the concrete of a parking lot at a gas station in the middle of fucking nowhere Kansas? Probably a large peice of the bumper that was dragging along the road, as a result of the rodent that I hit in my poor wifes car. Why do I think that there is a novel here somewhere?

Friday, May 10, 2002


I'll never say another bad thing about Kansas. Yea, went to the Rufus Wainwright concert in Lawrence, Kansas. Oh yeah, and after the show, people said that the band was going to this bar, the tap room. So we walked there, and MET RUFUS FUCKING WAINWRIGHT, TEDDY THOMPSON, and GOT PICTURES WITH ALL OF THEM. THATS RIGHT....PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE, WITH THE ENTIRE BAND, and more specifically...RUFUS WAINWRIGHT. Picture of ME AND RUFUS, RUFUS and scott and diane, and pictures of ME AND TEDDY THOMPSON, so hot teddy thomspson, and ME WITH THE HOTASS BASS PLAYER. They'll be scanned in promptly after the developing later this afternoon.

Tuesday, May 7, 2002



I'm going to start putting up a "What I'm Listening to this week" section, probably on the first opening page. But just to give you an idea of what I'm downloading/listening to, these tracks are a gret indication:

Marvin Gaye - Distant Lover (live)
Some live Bjork for that ass
Arturo Sandoval, amazing show...SO HOT!
Joni Mitchell, I don't know where I stand
Rufus is Leaving for Paris
Stevie is Happier than the Morning Sun
Can I tell you how much I adore Cat Stevens

Lots of stories, still waiting for the official write-up of the road trip. That will be handled by the wife. Pictures will accompany the story, because what would a road trip be without a photographic record. This is going to be hysterical, no doubt. Keep looking for that. Rehearsal tonight, and I won't even put the link in, because I do that every damm Tuesday.

Sunday, May 5, 2002

Oh the Roadtrip

Oh the Roadtrip

Coming Soon, the roadtrip to hell and back (1,000 miles in less than 48 hours)

Monday - May 6, 2002 | at least something up there

I wanted to at least put the scattered parts of the road trip diary on here. This was taken from an email I sent to my wife who accompanied me on the trip to the funeral and is just trouble, and who also didn't come to my party on Saturday. I'm sure something happened. Everything will be explained in due time. It's just a sort of a jumble now.

Departure 1:00am Friday night/Saturday morning

1st stop - Ron Wilson/Quick Trip

Smoking Issues

Beta Junction - Seat will not go back

Atrophy on the highway

Seat=go cart

3:15am (indicipherable - i'll leave you the notes)

3:33am mutual reassurance

4:02am Jeff Church Stalker Story

4:15am Bixby snores/Bill stops talking ASAP - snore wakes Bixby up

4:20am Search for Excedrin

4:26am Bill's knees are clear up to the steering column

???4:50am prime time outside of newton???

5:10 You've just got to trust me next???

- Bixby snuffaluffagus snore

5:38am..yay and two honks for anal sex

5:50am An emotional moment - as Bill releases smoking ban resentment and once again expresses and feels gratitude towards Bixby

6:00am A banshee scream coming out of the night. The early dawn even brings Bixby to a upright position. Bill has hit a rodent

6:07am Stop for flapping bumper, turn up the radio

6:15am How many airports are there? Stafford, KS

6:18am Cow possibly hit, I hope it was a small one

6:19am The positive spin...KILL THE RABIES

6:20am Billy gets more direct "write it down" Lynn Wagner:?

6:23am Billy entrusts the lord "Let me not kill a duck!"

6:30am Billy: "I'm just not enjoying this anymore - we're on a killing spree!!!"

6:37am Billy: "What a beautiful sunset!"

7:04am Billy takes pity on Bixby - (I can't make this one out)

7:32am Billy: "Know what I smell? BURNING RUBBER!"

7:41am Bixby "I trust any woman that'll send me to a truck stop!"

8:00am Arrival at Dodge City pancakge breafast place

"well even though he's immoral and going to hell, at least he takes good care of his mother"

purchase of postcards - in very bad taste

change of costume

9:00am arrival at flower service/funeral

9:15am Bixby falls asleep in the pew

9:20am Bixby falls asleep in the pew, is awakened by a nudge on the arm by Billy


Departure from Cimmaron, KS,

12:00midnight - arrival in Manhattan, KS
"God doesn't like boys wearing earrings, necklaces, and BARBIES!"

Billy meets Alyssa's imaginary friend Courtney, to her chagrin'

Billy: "alyssa, aren't you going to introduce me to your imaginary friend?"

Alyssa: "OH YES!, Courtney, this is Bill, Bill, this is Courtney!......FOLLOW ME!"

Alyssa: "Courtney, come and meet my friend Bill....he's a nice guy!"

Alyssa: "she's a little hesitant to meet you Bill"

Billy: "5th gear please"

5:00pm Arrival at St. Agnes for the end of the retreat

5:15pm Arrival at 3914 Adams

Listing the top 30 query words by the number of requests, sorted by the number of requests. 
reqs: search term
----: -----------
45: pictures
31: of
29: stevie
28: wonder
25: free
22: a
22: lyrics
21: or
20: deer
19: degrassi
17: high
17: rufus
16: the
16: and
15: doe
14: wainwright
13: in
13: pic
12: jr
12: music
12: transexual
10: chicago
8: childrens
8: family
7: i
7: murder
7: chorus
7: boys
7: ellyn
854: [not listed: 585 search terms]

Tuesday, April 30, 2002



an email from Scott:

Many of you may already know that my mother passed away on Sunday. I am out in Cimarron Kansas with my family this week. I thought I would provide you with the details as they stand now.

Helen Irene Wallace
Age: 66 Died: Aplril 28, 2002
Place of Death: Dodge City, Ks, Western Plains Medical Complex
Residence: 17605 L Road, Cimarron Ks, 67835
Born: April 9, 1936 Birth Place: Abbeyville Kansas
Born to: Frank and Hazel Kittle
Occupation: Homemaker
Memberships: Various bowling leagues in Cimarron Ks.

Place of Visitation: Swaim Funeral Chapel
Date and Time of Visitation: Family will recieve friends 5 - 8 PM May 2, 2002
Funeral Service: 10:30 AM Friday, May 3, 2002 Cimarron Church of the Nazarene
Minister: Rev. Jim Bond
Memorial Fund: Helen Wallace Memorial Fund
Cemetery: Cimarron Cemetery, Cimarron, Kansas

Obit: She was born in rural Abbeyville, Ks, grew to adulthood in Gray County as she moved to Cimarron when she was 5 years old. Graduated from Cimarron High School. She married Milton LeRoy Wallace on October 2, 1955 at Cimarron, he survives. She was employed as a school bus driver for 28 years for USD #200 Tribune and also USD #102 Cimarron. She enjoyed bowling, playing on the computer and visiting friends and family. She was also a member of various bowling leagues in Cimarron. She was preceeded in death by her parents and one infant son, Robert Griffin Wallace.

Survived by:
Husband, Milton Wallace of Cimarron, KS
Daughter Ronda Kay Wallace of Dodge City, KS
Son Brian Dean Wallace of Cimarron, KS
Son Mark LeRoy Wallace of Wheeling, IL
Son M. Scott Wallace of Kansas City, MO
Brother Chester "Bill" Kittle of Auburn WA
Brother Glenn Kittle of Valley Center, KS
Brother Robert "Bob" Kittle of Heartwell, GA
Sister Marilyn Russell of Gulf Port MS
Sister Martha Sapp of Fort Providence, NWT, Canada
Sister Cleo Summerville of Chanute, KS

Sunday, April 28, 2002

Oh dear lord, I took that Dizzy the duck file off there because after I downloaded it and threw it up there and I played it, I realized that it was more than 12 minutes long. Woops. So if you want a copy, email me. Issue no 1.) Do you ever hear the stuff that I put up here for you? I would love to think that people come to this journal and click on the links of the .mp3 files and perhaps get a moment of joy in their day, but that is, I'm sure wishful thinking? Just tell YOU ever listen to those files? Please email me and tell me that you do 

I just keep on thinking about the Arturo Sandoval concert and what a wild show it was. It was just so cool to see somone have so much fun up there on the stage. It was like he was a little boy in a candy store and had the run of the place. Just a great show. I've spent the good part of the weekend with the patient. I have to say that even though I had renounced myself to be alone for the rest of my life clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels, after that whole homeless episode, things are turning out quite nicely with him. I thought well maybe I shouldn't get involved with anyone, maybe I should be alone, so that I can work on myself and everything that surrounded that whole thing. Frankly, I think that I've worked through as much as I could possibly do in the time period that I've had. I think that I've done quite well for myself. I was having a conversation over im the other day, and if I recall correctly he was trying to say that in the last few months I have been trying to hurt myself and that I have been self-destructive. Now, perhaps right in the start of the 'breakup/rebound/' period I probably was being self destructive, trying to express the sheer amount of emotion after a failed relationship. I think that's fairly normal....well maybe expressing the emotions, and not the self destructive part. I think that I've worked through a ton of shit that I needed to go through, and I'm doing quite well here in Kansas City. I may not have tons of money, I may not have the best car in the world, but who cares about all of that stuff? At least I'm trying right? In church today the talk was about living your life, and trying to do something you've always said that you wanted to do, and actually doing it. The woman pastor got up (after apparently having an enormous fear of singing in public) and sang a song in front of the congregation and conquered her fear, and just did it. It was a marvelous moment. If I have any aspirations it would be to: 

Write a book (I work on that every day here in this journal....keeping writing, and keeping my writing voice fresh and crisp)

Travel more frequently: Well....along comes the money issue. No need to further expunge on that issue

I've always wanted to take up the guitar, so I can go anywhere and be a one-man show! I have always said that if I were ever stranded on a deserted island somewhere I would never get bored. I can sing. I have all of this music running around in my head and while I can sing the pants off any Joe off the street, it would be nice if I could accompany myself. Same goes for the piano.(not that deserted islands are known for their piano bars)

I've always wanted to buy a house, or build a house for that matter. Or, jut to have some property of my own you know? It could be a farm house in Montana, as long as I have a fax and a DSL. Ever seen that movie?

(along the same lines) I've always wanted to start a farm/compound for retired circus Elephants. Have you ever seen the way that they treat those poor animals? Oh god, I feel a rant coming on, but I'll spare you.

I've always wanted to be elected to congress as a Senator. WOOOOHOOOOOHAAAAHAAA......oh dear, that was a good one.

Well, that's at least a start, dontchya think?

Saturday, April 27, 2002

Arturo Sandoval

Can you say Arturo Sandoval? I can! Just came back from the symphony concert, and that track is perfect for the experience that Scott and I just had. I can't get this music out of my head. I've been an insomniac for the last couple days, and especially after this type of show, I won't be able to sleep. I just want to go back to the 720 with Leila and Yvette!!! NOW! Try this too

Thursday, April 25, 2002

yeah baby, slipping the wife the tongue

ok this is me writing in 2011 right now. I, of course forgot about this particular entry and it makes me sad to read it. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a pretty funny entry, it just made me sad for a little bit because I miss Cindy.

Social and business events happen exactly as planned. Realize your goals by making them appear as accidents. Libra hates to make a fuss, but he or she won't complain about being the center of attention.

So let's re-cap Tuesday night for you. Went to rehearsal a bit early after going to the downtown Starfucks (iced venti quad white chocolate mocha breve) and watching the coolant pour out of my car like it had broken it's water. Rehearsal was fine, I actually had to give my ex some loose cd's back. So going out after rehearsal turned out to be more of an adventure than I had originally planned. I asked the wife if she could follow me to the bar, because I wasn't sure what my car is up to, and lo and behold, my engine light flipped on, and then after a while, my emergency brake light when on too (don't laugh it's an 83 Chrysler remember?) I decided to thwart plan a and go for b. I jumped out and let wife know that I was just going to go home, and asked her if she could take me to the bar and back afterwards. Get home, show wife my pad, she adores it. Proceed to the bar, where there are apparently two New Orleans faeries performing. Got to meet them, and got to talk to a guy named Collins, who was a friend of my ex's, a longitme supporter of the chorus, who I run into everywhere I go. It's just one of odd things. So, I was a bit happy at this point and not that I remember any of this, but Cindy took me home and I kissed her and apparently tried to slip her the tongue. Another angle of this is being composed at time of print from the wife. I can't wait to hear what she has to say.
Okay, here you go:
The Wife's Journal Entry
William K. Rosen has asked me to write my account of what happened on the evening of April 23, 2002. I'm hesitant because it is two days after the fact and not fresh in my mind and also because while the incident is not as fresh, the suffering and angst are.

My evening with William K. Rosen aka Wild Bill, Billy, One and Only Gay Husband, Bill, started out peacefully at approximately 6:30 pm, Grace Cathedral, Kansas City, MO. We had gathered for our weekly Heartland Men's Chorus rehearsal. I was seated at a table at the south end of the rehearsal hall working on a very detailed and important assignment for Executive Director Rick Fisher. Billy came down to visit. He seemed pleasant, coherent, and in full control of his faculties. He gave me no reason for concern or to think that anything untoward would happen before the evening was over. 

I left rehearsal at approximately 6:55 to attend my Comedy City rehearsal, returning at approximately 9:15 to rejoin the Heartland Men's Chorus and to rendezvous for the previously scheduled outing to Missy B's. (Ed. Note: Belle Starr is beautiful, but Cindy Bixby is one whale of a lot cuter and nicer.) At the end of rehearsal, Billy came up to me and explained that his car was having issues - some cockamamie story about it leaking large amounts of fluid and the engine light coming on. I had no reason to suspect that this story was simply a lure to get me to take him in my car. He asked me to follow him to Missy B.'s. I agreed. Part way to Missy B's he took an alternative route, but again I was not concerned. He then stopped at a light, jumped out of his car and asked me to follow him home and then take him back to Missy B's. Again I had no reasons to be concerned. 

Once at his house he asked me to come in and I did so. He did get somewhat insistent that I come in, but I thought he was just proud of his house. He then suggested on more than one occasion that I come in and see his bedroom. Looking back on it, this should have been a large red flag, flapping in the wind, to the point of fraying, but at the time it all seemed innocent enough. I was not privy to his design of desire. I went into his bedroom, staying as close to the door as a lady should when visiting a gentlemen's bedroom. Again, I had no way of knowing that William K. Rosen was NO gentlemen. 

We left his home and drove back to Missy B.'s where he proceeded to pull out a large sum of money and flash it in my face - then say in a suggestive manner, "Why don't you just buy me a couple of drinks?" Again, with hindsight I've come to realize this was all part of his plotted seduction scene. Throughout the evening he flitted about me like a little honey bee, asking me early on if I would give him a ride home. Again, I agreed. I had no idea was was to follow. I did tell him that Mr. Davis and I would be leaving early - by midnight - because we had early morning responsibilities. He said that would be OK and he would just go when we did. Yes, I know, bells should have been going off in my head, but he just kept smiling at me in that cute puppy dog way he has. 

At one point I left the safety of my fellow chorus members to sit on the lower level and listen to the band. Looking back I should not have been surprised that Mr. Rosen followed me and sat down at my table - presumably to talk. Again, aided by hindsight, I now realize that "talk" was not at all what he had in mind. 

Later in the evening he came and asked me if he could be my one and only gay husband. Since I've always been fond of Billy and since I don't already have a gay husband, I agreed. It seemed like a show of support from one chorus member to another - albeit I am a non-singing member. He continued to come back to my table and remind me that I had agreed to this. 

At approximately 1:40 am, I realized it was midnight and told Billy we were going. As we left, he began to tell me how much he loved me. Mr. Davis, my true protector, asked if I would be alright and did I want him to take Billy or to follow me. Since I knew Mr. Davis had an early flight the next morning, I too hastily waived his kindly offers aside. 

At one point in the parking lot Billy was nearly hit by a car and in his distracted passion cursed the driver a bit. Then, much to my shock, and in front of Mr. Davis, he began pleading to have my child. Again, I thought it was the senseless ramblings of a near accident victim who had faced down death and lived to whine about it. 

I was not prepared then for the advances that he made when he arrived at his home. First, it was our customary peck goodbye, but this quickly turned into a series of pecks - at one point one peck went to my neck. I thought he'd just slipped. When I lifted his head up he approached for yet another kiss, putting light, but definite tongue pressure on my lips. I recoiled in shocked horror and encouraged to leave my car. I thought he realized what he did, but now am led to understand that he is claiming that he doesn't remember the whole latter part of the evening. 

Perhaps, but I think maybe a certain Mr. Rosen is worried about exactly how gay is he and maybe concerned that his reputation as a gay man is ruined. I have no intention of telling anyone about this incident - except for John, my fiancĂ©e - oh yes, and my good friend Mr. Davis - and of course, my secretary overheard my part of a phone call with Mr. Rosen the day after. But other than that - oh yeah my Mom will probably get a kick out of hearing about it. And I think it is only fair to warn everyone else in my section - and this will require a copy of this statement be sent to all Heartland Men's Chorus Board Members and in triplicate to Rick Fisher, Exceutive Director. Oh, and immediately afterwards I stopped at Texas Tom's for a Diet Pepsi and I told the guy who took my order, but I see that more as trauma counseling. I also write columns for the Paradise Trailer Park Tabloid, The Pea Picken Daily, and I do think I might base an advice question or a column on the incident, but other than that - silence. Ok, maybe I should tell everyone at Missy B's in case he asks them for a ride home , but after that, my slips are sealed! (Unless Richard Held and I get chummy!) Oh, did I mention I'd already e-mailed the entire Radical Fairy movement members? Including one Mr. Wolfgang , previously an admirer of our Bill. 

Cynthia Bixby