Wednesday, April 18, 2001

opera lessons

Well I still haven't heard from the woman who is supposed to get back to me about voice lessons. I am sure that she is just busy, and she doesn't check her email that often. We'll set something up eventually. We had rehearsal last night and it was alright. There's this one song that we sing , it's called "Sing for the Cure - One Voice" and I will refuse to sing it. The parts are all SATB, and then Joe has been changing all the parts, so now, we have to jump from bass, to treble clef, and I just refuse to sing it. They could so easily just transpose them, and give us another flipping copy, but that's okay because I live a life without struggle, and I refuse to struggle with that, so I protest it. All the other songs are great, it just sounds like we're going to have a fabulous concert this time. I also requested the days off for the Rufus Wainwright concert, which would be May 14, and then I also requested June 21-22 & 25 off for our trip to Chicago. The best thing is that Roxie left me an email that said quite simply "ok by me". And that was that. She is just so laid back, (and I think it's because she knows what the significance of that weekend, I said in the memo that I was requesting off for a "concert appearance" in Chicago, so I'm sure she knows it's HMC.) That's what I love about having a family boss, well, not only that, she's just so cool, she's laid back, and doesn't worry about anything. I also decided that when these cigarettes that I have run out, I'm not going to buy any more, I'm going to quit smoking forever. I'm going to be done with it. I am sort of excited to be done with it, because I can tell that I my body is reacting to quitting, and then starting again, and then quitting again. I just have to stop, and not be tempted. I am sick of smelling like smoke all the time, and then being a slave to that addiction. Richard and I have spoken about it, and I just have to respect the addiction, and realize that if I smoke even a single cigarette, I am giving in to that addiction. That's a great idea, I just have to think that the temptation is a dress rehearsal, and that I don't have to do anything about it. The other thing that I was talking with Phyllis about is that I feel like I am gaining weight, and that I don't know why. I used to be able not to worry about that, and now, since I have moved to Kansas City, I have gained like 20 pounds, and I just have no idea why. It's like it just appeared, and I'm freaking out. I told that to Richard and he said eloquently "welcome to your late twenties". So I don't have to struggle with that either, I just have to work on not eating a entire lunch, and I just have to cut back, but then when I stop smoking, that's going to make me want to eat more. The cycle never ends. That's okay, I live a life without struggle. I just have to not say that too much, because if I say it too much, I'll wear out its usefulness. Or, I'll just get so sick of it, that I won't want to say it anymore, and I really like saying it.

So anyway, I emailed Richard earlier today about these dogs that were on the little work bulletin board, that were free, they were black labs, apparently that were going to be born in two weeks or something, so I said, why don't I just inquire about them, because moving would be the best time to get another dog, a brother or a sister for Ahab. So needless to say, I emailed the woman, and am waiting to hear from her. I also emailed the woman on the bulletin board who wanted to start beginning opera lessons, so I asked Richard about that, and he gave me some number so I passed it on to that woman, who wasn't very appreciative. Whatev!

The drama never ends, I'm always amazed at how everything goes real smoothly and then someone comes up to me and says "oh my god, will you go smoke with me, I am having a breakdown." So Melissa at work is having custody problems with her child, and she was granted temporary custody of her child because she used to have just visitation with him, but over the weekend she found out that her ex-husband's girlfriend was beating the child. So she went and filed for temporary custody, and was granted it, now the ex-husband is fighting that, and she has to go to court and fight for custody of her child today at 4pm. I know this is not really appropriate for me to be talking about in my journal which happens to be online for the world to see, but I figure nobody really reads this except me, and anybody who is reading this, has really no idea who the players are, so it's all good. She was really upset about it, just about the fact that her ex-husband is fighting the custody issue.

Onto a whole new tangent, I am reading "Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav who has been on Oprah just about a million times, and what I'm about to type here goes so towards my smoking issue......

Recognize that what you are doing when you fear that you will be tempted, and that you will not be able to resist the temptation, is creating a situation that will give you permission to act irresponsibly. Is it possible to create a test that you cannot pass? Yes. The experience of wanting to be tempted in order to test yourself is the act of creating an opportunity to act irresponsibly, to say to yourself, " I knew I couldn't do it, anyway," and give in to your addiction. The heart of making a temptation that is greater than you can resist is that you do not wish to be held responsible for your choice.

The greater the desire of your soul to heal your addiction, the greater will be the cost of keeping it. If you- if you soul- have chosen to heal an addiction now, you will find that the decision to maintain your addiction will cost you the things that you hold most dear. If that is your wife or your husband, your marriage will be placed in the balance against your addiction. If that is your career, your career will be placed in the balance.

Try to realize, and truly realize, that what stands between you and a different life are matters of responsible choice. In your moments of fear, what you are obscure about in your thinking is the power and magnitude of your own choice. Recognize what your own power of choice is. You are not at the mercy of your inadequacy. The intention that will empower you must come from a place within you that suggests that you are indeed able to make responsible choices and draw the power from them, that you can make choices that empower you and not disempower you. Test your power of choice because each time you choose otherwise you disengage the power of your addiction more and more and increase your personal power more and more.

As you work through your weakness, and you feel levels of addictive attraction, ask yourself the critical questions of the spirit; If, by following those impulses, do you increase your level of enlightenment? Does it bring you power of the genuine sort? Will it make you more loving? Will it make you more whole? Ask yourself these questions.

This is the way out of an addiction: Walk yourself through your reality step by step. Make yourself aware of the consequences of your decisions, and choose accordingly. When you feel in yourself the addictive attraction of sex, or alcohol, or drugs, or anything else, remember these words: You stand between the two worlds of your lesser self and your full self. Your lesser self is tempting and powerful because it is not responsible and not as loving and not as disciplined, so it calls you. This other part of you is whole and more responsible and more caring and more empowered, but it demands of you the way of the enlightened spirit: conscious life.Conscious life. The other choice is unconscious permission to act without consciousness. It is tempting.

Dear god, the more I read in that book, the more I want to type from it, so I'm going to stop, and just say READ THE BOOK, it's fabulous, and it's going to help me quit smoking. The other thing about that is, and comes back to my whole weight thing, is that I'm just not going to struggle with it, I'm going to do a few things here and there, I'm going to start exercising more, I want to go and maybe purchase (but if I can't do that, I want to borrow it from Mike) a bike rack when I go back for the Rufus Wainwright concert, so that I can go and pick up my bike from Charlie's house. I will try and coordinate that with him, and get my fabulous 50's bike back. I was also thinking about getting a new bike, perhaps a mountain bike, or one that has a lot of gears on it, so that I can go for a long distance on the weekends. I think that when I start doing that on the weekends, I'll (1) be more happy because I'll be doing something to help myself (2) get more in shape (3) be able to explore the neighborhood, and get to know it better. But the thing is it's quite hilly here in Missouri, so I'll

Tuesday, April 17, 2001

The Day that Bill hydrates himself.

(The Day that Bill hydrates himself.)
Oh dear god, how do I even start describing the weekend in Chicago. I guess you start with the beginning. So I left work, and Richard picked me up out in front, and then took me to the airport. He just dropped me off at the airport because he had to deal with the townhouse. So I went to the gate or whatever, and they weren't even checking people in because it was like 5pm, and my flight wasn't until 7:10 or whatever. So, I just hung out for a while, and then I saw Ruth, who was walking aimlessly around the terminal gates, so I called out to her "Ruth" and she said that she was early to pick someone up at the airport, who was coming in soon. So we sat down and chatted for a while, it was nice to have someone to talk with while we killed time. So anyway, I checked in at the gate, and it was not long after that I got on the plane, and flew to Chicago. So the plane lands, we taxi up to the gate, and the plane stops, parks, and then all the people get up and stand in the aisles, and then we wait. The little jetway that comes up to the plane, wouldn't work, so we had to transfer to another gate. So, I was just worrying about Leila, because Leila was picking me up, and if we were late, then it would freak her out, and so on and so on. So we taxied to another gate, and then finally got off the plane. It wasn't too bad, it was like twenty minutes or something. So, in this new Midway terminal, you have to walk around the whole old terminal, to get to the new terminal, and it's a long walk, so I finally get outside and look for Leila, and she's like right in front of me, it was brilliant. Leila and I always have good luck when it comes to her picking me up from the airport. She's always right there. So we go South on Cicero, and I was like "Wow, they've changed this whole area around a lot, there's a new Home Depot, there's a new restaurant.....LEILA, I think we're going the wrong way!" and of course, we were. We were supposed to go North on Cicero. OH THE LEILA So anyway, we got back to Naperville, and Brad and his little son was there, and we hung out there, and had a couple of beers, and I made thirty phone calls, and then not long afterwards we left to go out to the bar.

Leila and Bill travel to "The Lantern". Leila puts songs in the jukebox, and we say we're going to leave after those songs, because the bar that we're in is so packed and so full of yuppie mf's that we're over it. So we never leave, we got a seat at the bar, and then the Modaff walks in, and he immediately goes to Leila, because they have had a past together *cough* so he is already all...feeling on Leila and the such. So Leila introduced the Modaff to me, and he says "oh yeah, you're the guy that was breaking glasses the last time I saw you, you're crazy!" and I was like yeah, whatever. So, Modaff was fine with me in the beginning of the evening, but then apparently turned on me, and was annoyed with me, and I was just as annoyed with him. So, during this time, Leila and I were just consuming the shots of tequila. I don't know why we keep on going back to the tequila, it never fails to wipe us out the next morning. It's so illogical for us to keep on doing this, and expect a different result. Isn't that the EXACT definition if insanity? I do believe it is. So, the bar is closing, and Modaff is still annoyed with me, and then (I just have to say that I remember leaving the bar, and taking the car keys away from Leila, but why I did that, not sure) Modaff apparently asks Leila if we can give him a ride home, and she agrees, so now I am driving Leila's car, and Modaff is in the front seat, and Leila is in the back of her car, but the back of her car is filled with computer monitors, and just filled with crap, so Leila has to climb all over the crap, in order to get in the backseat. So I slammed on the brakes once, because there was something in front of us, a rabbit or something, so I did it once not on purpose, but I was so amused at the fact that Modaff like 'lurched forward' when I hit the brakes, I started doing it more often, and one of the most vivid memories of the end of that night was Modaff saying "If you do that again, I'm going to get out of the car" and I said, "well, okay" and promptly slammed on the brakes even harder this time, and Modaff got out of the car, and slammed the door, and then was running along the side of the road. Leila and I turned around, and then saw him walking down the road. It was actually sort of a funny site. So then Leila and I went on a search for a place that was open to get some food, and we eventually wound up at the El Centro, right on Ogden road, and got burritos and then promptly went home. Woke up, with a vice on my head, and it was just horrible, but then the hangover went quickly away, I don't know why that happened, but it just did.

Saturday day; Leila and I went to my parents house, us both having dark sunglasses on. So we were hanging out, and Jeff came over to my parents house, and it was so good to see him, but he had some shocking news. As it turns out, he asked me if I knew Glen Schlikas, and I said, of course I knew who he was, and he said that Glen was at the car dealership, signing papers, and then just dropped dead. They did an autopsy, and there was no drugs, no alcohol, nothing. The paramedics came within three minutes, and tried to revive him, and they couldn't, he was dead on arrival. HOW SHOCKING! I wanted to go to the wake on Monday, but there was nothing I could have done about that, because my flight was later that afternoon, and I didn't want to go alone, and everybody who was going to go, was going after work. It was quite the shocking news. Glen Schlikas was in Mary's class, so that means he was a year older than I was, he was 27 years old. Just shocking.

So Jeff andLeila and I hung out with my parents, but Leila had to get back to her house, because she was going out to church, and she had to pick up her cousin Vanessa at her house in Naperville, and I had to get back there also, because I had to change for the night's festivities. So Jeff and I went back there, and met Leila, and we hung out there for a while, and then Jeff and I went back to Lombard to pick up Aaron. So we picked up Aaron, and then headed to the city, then we stopped in Wicker Park, to pick up Jeff's friend Nicole, who works at that hair cutting place, I forget what it's called, it's right on Belmont and Clark, you know, the famous place. So we pick up Nicole, and then go to this little Tapas bar right next to the Villa and that was just a fabulous meal. We all took a cab back to Wicker Park, and met Terese and Leila at the Holiday Club, which was fabulous. I thought that I might have a link to the Holiday Club on the Chicago page, or perhaps even the Links page, but I'm not sure. So we hung out, and Leila and I were so weary from the previous night, that we didn't think that we could have drank very much on Saturday night, but oh no, we stayed true to our rock star status, and drank like total fools. So, of what I remember of that night, I remember being at the Holiday club, and Vanessa being a total bitch, and then some people leaving to go to another bar, and then Terese and Leila and I stayed at the Holiday club, for a while, and then left to go to the other bar, I forget it's name. So Terese and Leila and I walked into the other bar, and there was a lot of people in that bar too, so we just hung out at the end of the bar. Then I noticed that on this seat, there was a tiger-print/fur/- boa, that I promptly put around my neck, it felt just fabulous, and then Terese had a cowboy hat on, so I had the cowboy hat on, and then the fur-tiger thing around my neck, I was fabulous. I vaguely remember leaving, I remember it was pouring down rain, and then we dropped Terese off, and we were hugging for the longest time, then I remember, I was in the front seat of Leila's car, and apparently I was badgering Vanessa who was driving.

Leila insists that we slept in the car, that we woke up at 730am, and were still in the car, and then Leila woke me up, and we went inside the house, but I have absolutely no recollection of that, and she probably is making that up

Then Leila lost my pair of sunglasses that I loved. She drove me back to my parents house for Easter Sunday, and I was not in good condition at ALL, in fact, I think I had so much liquor in my system that I was probably still drunk, that's why I didn't have a hangover at all. So my brothers were lighting off rockets, and I have to put this in here; my sister Mary had this awesome rocket that had two stages, it was a green alien rocket that when you lit it off, it separated, and the little alien top section exploded off, and then landed with a parachute, it was so cute. Just so funny. We were all talking about how when we tell people that our family lights off rockets on Easter, they just give us the fish-eye, because they think that we're all nuts. I think it's cute though. So then Sunday night, I went up to Yvette's place, and it just looks so fabulously different than what I had seen before. The kitchen is all done, and is all painted, the floors are fabulous, just looks so good. So we hung out and watched "the Soprano's" for a while, but I had to go, just because I wasn't speaking much, and I was so tired from the previous nights, so I took off and went over to Dave's parents house and hung out with him for a while. He showed me a Rufus Wainwright DVD that he had, that had an interview with Rufus, and him playing some new songs from the album. He is just so gay. So then I went back to my parents house, and talked with my Dad for a while, and then I was so tired, I think I was way overtired, because I couldn't fall asleep, so I was reading from one of the George Bush's books, I don't know why...I don't have an appreciation of George H.W. Bush, so why would I read that? I think it was just something in front of my face, and I read it for a while, then fell asleep. I woke up at 9am, not rested at all, and then hung out with my Mom for a while, and then she had some errands to run, and she picked up lunch and we had lunch together. It was good to just hang out with her. I was playing her my new GALA cd's, and she loved them. So then my dad came home because he was getting annoyed or something at work, and then eventually we left for the airport because he had to go to Denver for the week, and I had to go back to Kansas City, so it worked out brilliantly.

"A great consultant once said to me, 'If it ain't broken . . . break it.' In other words, when we present the same music today that we presented even five years ago, we limit our growth as ministers and we limit our growth as spiritual communities."

Richard Held & Company
To unsubscribe to this free service, simply respond. Otherwise, you may expect a helpful tidbit on the first and fifteenth days of each month.

That is his new consulting business, and the email service is a marketing tool that he is using to try and spread the word about his new business.
I also decided that I will stop smoking again. There is no reason why I should keep on smoking like I have been, and I've stopped before, I conquered it, but then I let it take me over, and I have to conquer it again. I refuse to let this have power over me, and not have control over my own actions. So there. I was telling everybody (Terese, Aaron, Leila) that I live a life of no struggle, and they were sort of giving me ship about that.

This is a copy of the memo I sent to Roxie Reavis, copied toShelly Galbol, and Michael Sullivan about requesting time off.

(hard copies will be delivered through inner-office mail and regular mail; the original file is attached to this email)


TO: ROXIE REAVIS (x.38022)
DATE: APRIL 17, 2001

Roxie, I am requesting off May 14, 2001 for a family obligation. I am also requesting June 21-22 & 25, 2001 off for a concert appearance in Chicago. If you need any further information, please contact me.

I figure if I get these requests in early enough, I'll have some time for the Rufus Wainwright concert, and then I'll be able to stay for the Chicago Pride Parade, and then let Richard go home on Saturday night because we were talking about that on the ride back from the airport yesterday, that he couldn't take the time off for just the show in Chicago. I might stay, it all depends on what Aaron, Jeff and everybody is doing. I don't want to do the pride weekend alone, I mean, I know there'll be 200 men that I could hang out with, but none of them I want to hang out with, rather than Richard. I don't know if that made sense at all, I would much rather just hang out with Richard than anybody else, frankly. But maybe, if Charlie and Reuben are out there, maybe I'll hang out with them. Who knows. If there is nothing going on except the parade, I'll probably go home with him on Saturday night. I have been trying to hydrate myself for this entire day, but it just seems like I can't ever get enough water in my system. I will keep on trying because if I keep on trying, I will eventually replace the fluids that I've lost over the weekend, which is an inordinate amount. I keep on thinking about this weekend, and how I totally felt like I was visiting, and it wasn't my home at all. I actually liked that, because I felt as if my home was Kansas City, and I felt as if I had made good changes in my life, and wonderful choices. I probably will go to chorus tonight, just because I don't want to use up all of my absences, and now that I've eaten, I feel much better. I'll go, I'll just not be there fully, mentally, nor physically. Needless to say that I want to not be behind in the running for the solo's :-)

One last thing about this weekend: This is the type of exchange that Leila and I had over this weekend, when we were sooo hungover:

(LEILA) Bill if you don't shut up you can just get the hell out of my car and walk to your PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!

(BILL) Leila, thank you for losing my sunglasses. I came to Chicago with a pair of sunglasses, and now they're gone. I just wanted to thank you for losing them.

(LEILA) Bill I don't know where they are they must be in my car. I had them on when we left so they're NOT LOST! C'mon let's go I'm leaving!!!

(BILL) Leila, you are a brazen HUSSIE!

that's all for today kids, I'm over it.

Thursday, April 12, 2001

T - MINUS: 36 hours and counting

T - MINUS: 36 hours and counting
Well tomorrow is the big day when I leave for Chicago. I was reading the chorus bulletin and I read that Joe Nadeau wants chorus members to write about their childhood experiences. and I really wanted to write about my GALA experience, meeting Richard, and then performing with HMC.In the meantime, Leila keeps on trying to annoy me by pretending like she doesn't know which airport she is supposed to pick me up at.

Is it O'hare? at 10 pm?

GEEK. Midway, southwest, 8:10pm, flight 217 or 271 whatever the flight coming in from kansas city.

and then my reply:

n a message dated Thu, 12 Apr 2001 11:24:02 AM Eastern Daylight Time, "William Rosen" writes:

The flight number is 168.

and then she replies:

yeah because there will be an abundance of flights coming into midway from kansas city all at the same time so I really need to be concerned aboutthis.

and then I reply:

NOW we're going to take it outside. We'll probably be arrested in the Midway parking lot for causing a domestic disturbance.

I can just hear Ron Majors telling the story on the news "And tonight, an odd story from Midway Airport. Midway Airport Police have reported to CBS news tonight that two youths, a Kansas City male and a Naperville female, were arrested for apparently staging a.....wait a I reading that right? a World Wrestling Federation fight outside the terminal. They were promptly taken into custody and booked for disorderly conduct."

So I've been working on that essay for the chorus, and here is what I have come up with so far:


I have had many experiences as a singer, but none has surpassed the GALA 2000 experience last summer. I had been singing with the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus for about three years when the chorus announced that there was going to be a festival in San Jose, California in July of 2000. I was not traveling with the chorus as a group; I had my own Southwest flight reservations. The flight, from Chicago to California stopped over in Kansas City, and I noticed that during the stop-over there was a group of homosexual men who got on the plane, some who sat in the row right in front of mine. We started talking at some point, and we found out that we were going to the same place. I also inquired about the cute, blond man who was sitting up in the front of the plane, fiddling with his briefcase. Stephen Sanders promptly told me that he was "the piano player for the chorus", so I asked if he was single, and at first he said no, but then he corrected himself and said "single and available" The next day (Sunday) was the reason that we had come there, it was SHOWTIME! C.G.M.C. was first on the list (at least in that specific auditorium) and we had the privilege of singing first. The crowd was buzzing, and the auditorium was packed to the rafters. The announcer said "The Chicago Gay Men's Chorus" and we walked on the stage. From the moment we sang the first note, the audience was completely silent, and when we came to the final notes of the first medley of songs that ended with the triumphant melody from "Les Miserables", you could literally hear the audience's feet hit the floor, the seats flipping up, as the people were jumping out of their seats giving us a standing ovation that seemingly never ended. I was weeping. The feeling of singing for your peers, and the immediate reward of that thunderous applause was nothing short of phenomenal. We got through the performance and I can remember leaving the stage, and looking at my fellow chorus members, and there was not a dry eye on the stage. After we congratulated each other on the performance, we wanted to get out of our chorus dress, so we left the hall, and changed our clothes and made our way back to the performance halls. After seeing some other choruses perform, my roommate and I were hanging out in front of one of the halls, and I heard (who I now know as Keith Grahl) this voice yell from across the 'light rail station' to me standing in front of the hall "Hey YOU, this one over here wants you!" and he was pointing to the cute, blond man who was on the plane! I couldn't believe it. My roommate said one word "go". I made my way across the road, and down the train station walkway, and I don't remember what I said, but they invited me to come along with them on the train, so I bought a ticket and the cute blond guy and I have been inseparable ever since that day. I moved to Kansas City, and now am singing with the Heartland Mens Chorus. Richard Held and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary in July of 2001.

I think that is such a beautiful story. I often think about how my life has changed since then, and how wonderfully everything has turned out. I believe that I will stay with Richard for years, and we will grow old together. The only thing that I could say without getting hysterical about this, is that the song "The One" by Elton John really says it all. 'All I ever needed was the one, like freedom feels when wild horses run, when stars collide, like you and I, no shadows block the sun, you're all I ever needed, oh baby, you're the one." There's a million songs that I could quote now that I think about it, but that very specifically states what I am trying to say. Okay, stop Bill, before you get hysterical! My friend Terese used to say "you're such a GIRL!" because I cry so easily.
Richard sent this and I really didn't know what to make of it:

I just had a conversation with Margaret. You remember her - she was Carrie's Mom in the movie "Carrie" which is based upon Steven King's book by the same name. She lives across the street and showered me with her prophetical doom and gloom view of society. I expected her to throw her hands into the air and shout, "Eve was weak! Eve was weak!" But she didn't. I guess I can be grateful for that.

So, there was a small problem, not really a problem, but a little bump with my check.. I emailed Michael Sullivan to see if I could pick up my check at Spherion like I do every week, and then he emailed me back and says that he put my check in the mail, and he was sorry. So I emailed him back and I said, well, I wouldn't have cared any other week, but I'm going to Chicago tomorrow and I need that cash, and what happens if I don't get that check in the mail tomorrow, I just don't trust the Post Office. So he said that he would hand-write me another check, and I could just bring that to rehearsal on Tuesday, and he would void that out. So like I said, it wasn't a big deal, but a possible catastrophe averted. Another thing; I got a letter from the Community Blood Center yesterday, and it was sort of, not shocking, but dissapointing rather. They said that they do a bunch of tests on the blood that they took, and one of the tests resulted in a positive result for Hepatitis B antigens. So that's no big deal, because the doctor told me years ago, that I had it, but then my immune system fought it off, so I'll always have it, but I can't pass it on to anyone. So needless to say the letter outlined all of that, but it added that I will be disqualified from any blood donations in the future, which was disappointing to me, because it always makes me feel good to give blood. So now, I can't give blood anymore, ever, in the future. I will be updating this page later tonight at Susan's, so that when I go to Chicago, I'll have it updated up to Thursday - May 12, 2001. Brilliant. Oh another thing is that Heidi Mattingly emailed me and asked if I wanted to apply for one of these jobs that she had, and I said sure, what does it pay, what's the hours, all of that jazz. So she emailed me back and said that it was by Ward Parkway, and that it was less money that I was making, but the benefits are all paid for, and it's permanent. So, I said no, I refuse to take a pay cut to leave a job, it's just not going on. So I haven't heard anything from her since, so that either means that she's trying to negotiate with the people, or she's just scratched the whole thing altogether. Whatever! I forwarded the email that I sent Heidi to Richard, and I said "this is an exercise in asking for what you want" because he and I have been talking a lot about that concept, about how people don't ask for what they want, they subvert their needs for other people and they ask for either what they think they can get, or what they think that the other person wants, so that's what I wanted in terms of the Heidi Mattingly situation, and if I get it, that's cool, but if I don't, then I'm no worse off than I was before. I just sent Joe Nadeau andRick Fisher my submission (the story of GALA) for the Our Family Album concert. If they use it, brilliant, if not, like I said in the previous statement, I am no worse off. I feel good about myself, sticking up for myself. It just feels good. That's all for today kids, please mail me, to ask me about the grand adventure in Chicago! BWAH!

Wednesday, April 11, 2001


Well it's Wednesday, it seems like this week is dragging on and on, it's probably because I have something at the end of the week that I'm looking forward too. So anyway, Richard and I went to rehearsal last night and I was debating on wether I wanted to sing this show or not, and if there was any doubt in my mind, now it has all erased. The music that we are singing for this show, is just unbelievable.

The Circle of Life.........................................(The Lion King) - Elton John
One Voice (Sing for the Cure)............................................Joseph Martin
Parade..........................................................................Eric Lane Barnes
Bright Morning Stars are Rising....................................Arr. Paul Siskind
When I Fall In Love................................................James Q. Mullholland
Stouthearted Men.................................................Romberg/Hammerstein
We're Not Lost (Naked Man)..............................................Robert Seeley
Jabberwocky..........................................................................Sam Pottle

Pure Imagination.....................................................Briscusse and Newley
The Mission......................................................................Ennio Morricone
(Gabriel's Oboe/ Alleluia/ On Earth As It Is In Heaven)
Prayer of the Children...............................................................Kurt Bestor
Oliver Button Is a Sissy....Story and Pictures by Tomie dePaola/Music and Lyrics by Alan Shorter
Encore: Everything Possible
* Saturday's Performance will feature all of the above / Sunday's will be selections from this list.

I was sort of lukewarm about this show, but then when we started to sing some of the pieces, I just about fell out of my chair. It's going to be a really wonderful concert, with a wonderful message to kids, and in general. Some of the music was so powerful that even just reading through it last night brought me to tears. The Oliver Button musical number is amazing, it's phenomenal music, along with a narrator that reads the book along with the chorus singing behind him, phenomenal.
Leila is driving me nuts, because she keeps on asking for my travel plans for this weekend, when she knows that I'm a total worry-wort, and she does it specifically because she knows that I'm going to worry about it up until I get in her damm car on Friday. She sends me emails like this: 04/11/01 01:13PM
I really hope I don't get too tired and forget.

I could just kill that girl. We are going to have so much fun, I'm sure that my journal is going to be filled with adventures in Chicago on Tuesday. I am so scared, not of Leila, or Yvette, or me. I am scared of all the people who have to be subjected to us. That's always the kicker. Well, I think Richard and I have come to some sort of quasi-agreement about the housing situation. Well that is if a lot of things happen, but he was talking about renting an apartment because this loft that he wants to buy, won't be available until January, so we were thinking of renting something (that would be mine) and living together, and sharing expenses until that loft becomes available, and then I would have the rest of that lease to run out, and renew it if I want to. I sort of liked that idea because it gave us the best of both world, it gave us some time living together, and it also gave us some time apart as well. So I think that balances brilliantly. But the thing about that is, that it is subject to IF he can get approved for the amount of the loft, and IF the loft hasn't sold already. So anyway, that's where we're at on that, it's really a day by day process, and it will probably change tomorrow, so go figure.
I talked with David last night and he told me that he was NOT going to attend Allison Garley's wedding, which I thought was disappointing. I know that Allison would have loved for him to come to the wedding, and I know that he would have loved to get out there. I think the schedule problem with him, and with Aaron is that Suzie Tulacka is getting married the day before Allison's wedding, and Suzie's wedding is in Illinois, and Allison's is in Oregon, and it's quite a logistical nightmare to be in Illinois one day, and then be in Oregon the next. So that's that. So it conceivable would be just Terese and I, that's how it looks at this point, because Aaron told me that he was going to go to Suzie's wedding too, but for some reason I think he might make it out to Oregon. Anyway, I know that some way or other, Richard and I are going to go, and we might go to San Francisco before or after, I'm not sure how that's going to play out. I would love to go to San Fran and then hop up to Oregon, that just sounds like a hoot. This show, and then Allison's wedding, it's like the next couple of months, oh, and then I just thought about this; next summer (2002) the Heartland Mens Chorus is going to be going on a European Tour, so really, my next whole year (give or take a couple of months) is planned. CRAZY! I never would have thought that would have happened, and I would have so many plans in place when I moved to Kansas City for some reason I thought I would just take it sort of slow, and then sort of build up my plans, but oh no! It's sectional this week, and then concert the next week, and then a concert in Chicago later that week, and then Allison Garley's wedding in Portland, the next month. It's just sort of overwhelming. I was talking with Richard about going to see the Rufus Wainwright concert on May 13 (which is by the way, Mothers Day, and my Mom's birthday.) So anyway, I was saying that if I decide to drive up to Chicago, then I'm just going to drive all night after work on that Friday, hang out with Dave for the weekend, and then come back I guess right after the concert on Sunday. I should probably take that Monday off of work, just to leave any possibility of anything going wrong open at work. I should think about requesting that day off soon. Anyway, I'm listening to the"POSES" right now, and it's truly a magnificent album. I just can't get over the fact that we have an advanced copy of it, before like 98% of the population. LOVE IT LOVE IT! So Richard and I are going to go to Susan Peterson's tomorrow and finally I can update this page. I have so many journal entries, for the end of March and then April, both of my mailboxes from guillaume773 and chupacabra816 on hotmail are totally full, and I keep on getting these messages from Hotmail that say: "Your account size is too large, you have this many days to trim your account size to 2,048 bytes", and if you don't then hotmail will go in and delete things so it goes down to the size limit. But then I delete stuff, or forward it up to chupacabra816, on hotmail, and then I get messages from THAT account that say the account size is too big, so I can never win. Maybe (and I just thought about this) I should forward everything to chupacabra816 at WebTV. There's an idea. That's why I love this journal so much, because I get so much stuff out that I normally wouldn't even think about, and then it sparks ideas that are wonderful. Brilliant! I am leaving early today so that I can go to thefree clinic and get those test results. I know that everything is going to turn up fine, but what I'm most concerned about is my stupid toe. I hope they can give me something for that. So I have to leave early, so that I can get there. I also have to pack tonight for my lovely trip to the good ol Chicago on Friday. That's all for today kids. Please let me know if you need anything, or have any fabulous comments to add to this journal, or the whole experience for that matter.

Tuesday, April 10, 2001

Oliver Button Is A Sissy

Well yesterday not too much happened. I came home a little bit late, because I stayed late at work, because I got there a little bit late, so I decided to stay late. So then I went to the Kansas City Library up by the plaza to see if I could find a form that I could fill out so I could file an extension on my taxes. That whole situation sort of irritates me, but whatever, I'll file an extension and just get it over with. So I got back and Richard was just working up a storm on the house. So my foot has been in total pain these last two days, and it's sort of freaking me out. Yesterday, Melissa at work, told me that my toe was definitely broken, and that there's nothing really that they can do about it. And then I was upstairs somewhere and then I came outside, because it was turning sort of dark, and I went out to sit with Richard, and Kathleen was there, and I showed it to her, and she said 'yes, probably is broke'. I was like, for the love of God. So my toe is broke, that's a realization that I've had to come to these past days. I don't know why, but it's like my whole foot is in pain, and then the pain shoots up my whole ankle, it's just not pretty. I just hope I didn't do any more damage to my whole foot or anything, that's all I need. Another episode that lasts a year, with my stupid foot. So anyway, when I go to the Free Clinic tomorrow, I'll just ask them for some pain medication, because this is killing, and I can't handle it. I can handle only so much pain. So that's the latest little episode of the drama. I had a dream last night that Richard and I were in a kitchen that had rows and rows of shelves of plates and glasses and all kinds of kitchen glass stuff, and Richard took a plate from the shelf and threw it on the ground, and it made me laugh. He would do it over and over again, and I would laugh and laugh. It sort of reminded me when I was a kid, my Momused to make popcorn in those old popcorn poppers that had the yellow plastic cover, and she used to put it on top of this little window that used to be dividing the living room from the kitchen (now it's a hallway in their house) and I used to sit on top of the chair and watch the popcorn pop and just laugh and laugh and laugh. It sort of reminded me of that for some reason. I've been commanding my mind to remember my dreams, because I love when I remember my dreams, it makes me feel good, and it's sort of crazy that the last two nights, I have remembered them. Last night was a good one, but Sunday night, I had a quasi-nightmare. I don't remember all of it, I just remember it was sort of bad, and that it was sort of like my parents were being really cruel towards me, and from what I remember, it was sort of like the stereotypical dream where the kid is sitting in the classroom and all the other kids are pointing towards him and laughing. It was sort of like that, but it involved my parents. Richard said that he thought it was somebody who represented a parental figure in my life, but I couldn't think of anyone who has been that cruel towards me. So I woke up on Sunday night, really upset, and I wanted to wake up Richard, but I decided not to, so I calmed myself down, and then fell back asleep, and then didn't remember any dreams that I had after that, on that night.
I got an email from Susan Peterson about getting this page finally updated. I think it will coincide with Richard giving Kendra a piano lesson. Anyway, here's the email:


I fully trust neither of us will make that mistake again...I have learned to save things too. No worries, no problem....Besides, my talk went fine that day...God's work. About the piano lesson....I left Richard my available times on his voice mail. I will give them to you also. Wed., Kendra has soccer practice from 5-6:30. We could do bring dinner. Thurs., I want to do a service at Unity in OP. which starts at 7pm. so Kendra could do a lesson from 4-6:30. Which ever works best with you and Richard...let me know. Wed eve does allow you more time on the computer cuz Kendra could just go to bed and you could work on the computer...actually, either could work cuz I could leave Kendra home on Thurs with you while I go to Unity. let me know your thoughts...

So, I'll have to talk to 'the man' and find out what the deal is with that. I would LOOOOVE to go and meet Richard there, and try to update at least this journal and make a April link on that first journal page, and then start the April journal. I'm sure that it'll just be April just like the other ones. Hopefully we can schedule that soon.

Another thing, we have rehearsal tonight with the chorus. I am going to sort of feel this one out, because I really would like to sing that Commissioned peice "Oliver Buttons Is a Sissy" because during the retreat they showed us a videotape of the peice with the Seattle Gay Mens Chorus singing it, with the author of the book narrating it along with the music, and it was powerful. It was sort of a "Billy Elliot" type of story, where this kid wants to be a tap dancer, and all the kids make fun of him. He enters this competition and his parents support him, and he wins third place in the competition, and his parents come to the show, and take him out for ice cream or something after it. It sounds simplistic in my description of it, but it's a really touching story. So, I would really like to check that out, and figure out if I want to sing this show or not. I think I will, I also want to check out all the songs that we're going to sing from the chorus' 15 year history. That should be interesting, to see what the concert is going to entail. I was talking with Richard and Kathleen last night, about auditioning for different groups, and Richard was saying that the best thing that I could do to help my sight-reading, and he said also that the best thing that I could do as a singer to help would be to study the piano. I would love to start studying. It's just that we talk about doing all of this stuff, and then we never follow through on it, and I would love to actually follow through on this for once. I would love to start studying the piano, like he said, it can only help in my singing ability. So two things, he hasn't heard anything from Melinda McDonald, and we are going over toSusan's on Thursday evening. He also decided to help me study the piano. I think it will be brilliant, and I really can't wait until we start doing that. We just have to schedule some time every week to help me. It'll be good to have a piano at my disposal anytime I want it.
I just talked with Terese and she is trying to get this Saturday off so we can hang out, but she might not be able to get out of work. No problem though, we'll just go and pick her up after she gets off of work. I told Terese that Allison Garleyis getting married in July, and she had no idea, so I thought it would be a good idea to tell her, because she needs to start making plans, and travel reservations and all of that. I just emailed Aaron to see if he was planning on going out to Allison's wedding, so we'll see if he is. I know that Terese wants to, so I just have to see if Aaron & Dave want to go as well. I just talked withDave and he said that he is NOT going to Allison's wedding, because Suzie Tulacka's wedding is the day before and he is not going to be able to make it to both weddings. So that makes Aaron, Terese, Richard & I, which is fine, it's the trio once again (with the addition of Richard.) Okay, so I'm sort of in a crunch here, so I'm going to try and see how these colors show up on the screen.

black #000000 (uh DUH)
check back with me and let me know if you have any comments.

Monday, April 9, 2001

(the week that Bill returns to the nest in Chicago!)

Oh for the love of god, why can't anything go right? So anyway, it's Monday, I"m at work, and I will try and re-count the weekend's festivities. So, after work on Friday, I went home, and it has been the most gorgeous weather here, it's been like 75-80's for this whole weekend. So anyway, Friday I went home, and then on Friday night we went out to a late show, and saw "Along Came a Spider" and it was fabulous. Morgan Freeman was just tremendous, and I can't think of anybody else's name who was in it, so that was tremendous. So anyway we got there quite early, about a half an hour before the show, and Richard and I, I love it, we just sit there and talk, and even on the way to the theater, we had a great talk about how I wanted to start taking vocal lessons again, and how he knew a couple people who could do that. Fabulous. So anyway we had a great time at the movie, and then we just went home because it was so late. Saturday he had to be up early because he was playing a competition for Trilla and Monty's kids, so he went and did that, I decided to stay home and go get my car tuned up at Precision Tune up on 38th and Main. So I go there, and they were pretty busy, so I had to wait like three hours to get it done, but I just waited because what else was I going to do? So they FINALLY got finished with the tune-up, and I took her out for a ride, and I really couldn't tell the difference, but maybe that's just me. He told me that the reason why she jumps sometimes when she's idling was because there is a small hole in the air intake valve or something, that would be difficult to replace, you would have to replace the entire engine or something. So needless to say, I was loving that; having my beautiful car tuned up. So then we went to a rehearsal with Missy Koonce, because this woman that Richard is doing this chapel service for, insisted on a rehearsal before the actual chapel service, so it was sort of insulting for Richard to do that because he felt like he was auditioning for something that he has been doing for like 17 years. That being said, I totally felt the room go a little bit cold when the woman came in, and it was a really uncomfortable atmosphere during the whole rehearsal, and it was funny because we had talked about this whole thing with Missy, who is just a hoot, and then Richard was talking about the "Late Night Theater" and how the whole building was a porno theater before and they turned it into the Late night Theater. But the kicker was that she didn't' say that it was transformed into a theater, she just said "porno theater" and the woman's eyes sort of bulged out, it was a funny moment. So, after that, Richard and I went home because he had been running around since early in the afternoon, and we went up to the third floor and apparently I fell asleep because I woke up, and Richard was gone and I was up on the third floor, sweating up a storm, so I must have been really tired. Saturday night was pretty calm, we didn't really do anything spectacular because Richard had to get up early in the morning for church. So I went to the service and Bukeka was singing and she got that whole congregation up on their feet, dancing up a storm, it was fabulous. Oh, I almost forgot, I almost broke my neck Sunday morning. Tee hee, I got up on Sunday morning and Ahab (the dog) was totally restless, so I got up, got dressed, and was walking down the stairs when Ahab was running on the side of me on the stairs and he must have knocked my foot from under me, because the next thing that I know, I'm falling down on the stairs, it totally knocked the wind out of me, and I got up, and I was yelling because my foot hurt so bad. It was my toes this time, on my left foot. Of course I hurt my left foot, my bad foot. So all during the day my foot was hurting, and then I looked at it at the end of the night last night, and it was totally swollen, and reddish/brown. Lovely. So when I go back to the Free Clinic on Wednesday, I am going to ask Doug to look at my toes, because I think that I damaged it, but of course I have no insurance, so I can't go to the doctor. So after that little incident I went to church, and Chris Michaels was talking about how the world believes that you have no value if you don't have a beautiful house, or not with someone, or how the world just tells you that you aren't worth anything, and he was encouraging everyone NOT to listen to that. He was saying that you just have to listen to yourself, and not worry about what the world thinks or says about you. I think I already knew that, because being gay, the world says to me constantly that I'm not worth anything, my love is not worth anything, and it's quite horrible if you let the world dictate to you what you listen too. I have resigned not to let anyone but myself determine my worth. So there.

So after I went to church yesterday, Richard and I went back home but he was only there for a second, because he had a DIVA! DIVA! DIVA! rehearsal at 1pm, so I took Ahab to the park, and played with him a while. It was fun to take him to the park, it always is, I always think that it is good time spent bonding with the dog. So after that, we both were sweaty and nasty, so we went back home, and I made some food, and we sort of hung out, I fell asleep AGAIN, and then Richard came back home, and then we started painting the back of the house on the third floor. I actually like painting. this color because the match that Richard got from Home Depot was a perfect match to the color of his house. So hopefully, this color will translate well onto the screen. It's says that this color (that this text is in) is khaki, but I think it's a little darker than that. So anyway, we painted until sundown, and then hung out for a while, and then eventually went to sleep. Something that has sort of turned up unexpectedly is that I got an email from this 22 year old boy in Eugene, Oregon, who asked me to make a copy of the new Rufus Wainwright album "Poses". He must have known that I had a copy of it, because I posted it on this webpage, and on this bulletin board of a fan page. If I can think of the link to that bulletin board, I'll try and put it on here, when I update this page, whenever that happens. Hopefully sometime this year. Anyway, here's the email

Hey Billy. First off, you are a bastard for listening to Poses =)
Well I have stopped off at the parents house to see if I received any emails from you and to my surprise, I have received two. I do enjoy the novel email myself. Its funny, because you get to know someone that you would probably have never crossed paths in this crazy world. Even weirder, I emailed you regarding Rufus...see, he brings wonderful people together. I have to jet unfortunately for I have a billion and two things to complete before starting the dreaded work day. I am currently being accused of sexual harassment at my job (the theater) from a girl who thinks I got her boyfriend fired. Basically, its all ludicrous (sp?) and if you knew me, you know that I wouldn't even hurt a fly, so this is quite the blow to me, never realizing that someone could want to hurt someone so bad for reasons that I couldn't even explain. However, the girl who has accused me spilled the beans to about 4 people at work that it was a lie and she was just mad because she thinks Im the one who got her boyfriend fired and quote un-quote "that bastard will get fired when I am done with him." So I have to sit back and watch all of this go down while in the background, I have had barely any sleep and have been crying enough to cure all the drought (sp?) problems in California alone. If I have learned something from this situation, its that my time here in Eugene definately needs to be coming to an end and my new life in Seattle will be a lot better. I won't bitch to you any longer. All I can say is that wow, all this shit Im going through is going to make for a great record someday when I get all the songs finished =)

I hope you are having a great day, and keep me in your prayers or thoughts or whatever it is you believe in. I could use all the extra good vibes I can get.

Thanks again Billy and Its great that our paths have crossed. You seem like a totally hip guy and I love meeting new people and new friends =)

Take care


PS So have I passed the "Rufus exam." Do I get a tape =) hehe

Here is my reply to that email

Oh the Joe,

If you're wondering why I put 'the' in front of everything, it's just a habit that I've gotten used to because my friend Yvette and I used to put that in front of everything. Oh the Joe, oh the 'whatever'.

I wouldn't worry about the sexual harassment thing, you said that she has admitted that it was a lie, and that she told some other co-workers about that, so that just makes her totally unbelievable. If it really comes down to the wire, you can ask the co-workers that she told that to, to come to your defense.

Well, you seem to be a regular guy, with a quasi 'obsession' of Rufus, you seem to have passed the test, but my question to you is what do I get in return? What is your music collection like? Do you have anything other than the album "rufus wainwright" in your collection. It seems like I have the upper hand, because I not only have the original album, R.W., but I also have a bootleg of the show at the Park West in Chicago, and Poses. Oh dear god I forgot about the kicker, there's a song that my friend put on a tape for me, it's a French song, by the composer Lalo, who was a French composer who was known for writing the "Symphonie Espagnol", and Rufus sings an aria from one of his opera's that is truly one of the most wonderful songs I've ever heard. It's just him and the piano, and he's singing in French. I've already decided that I am going to try and get the sheet music for that song (it's called Le Roi d'ys) and use that for an audition piece. My lover is an accomplished pianist here in Kansas City, and he's promised me that he is going to teach me how to play it. That's terribly exciting. I put that song on my voice mail, so I can listen to it anytime I want, and so it can sort of 'marinate' in my head, so that when I go and try to learn it, it'll be much easier. So I could also conceivably put that on the tape as well. Rufus is a huge obsession of mine, but there's a couple different ones as well, depending on the day. I a HUGE HUGE fan of Stevie Wonder, and I have just about every album that the man has created, along with different tracks that he has contributed something on. Joni Mitchell, Patti LaBelle, Billie Holiday, Dinah Washington, Nina Simone, are just some of the few that have caught my attention lately. Like I said, it all depends on the day and my mood. I'm sorry to hear that you've been crying lately, if you need to vent anything, this would be a great medium to do it, and I have been known to be a good friend, and a good listener as well, so the offer is there, for you to utilize if the need arises.

I am listening to the "poses" and I have to say that my favorite song(s) are the Title song, poses. He just talks about how he bought a new 'fetching red leather jacket' and 'new black designer sunglasses' or something like that. It's really quite a charming song. Not sure if you have the running order of the album but it's as follows:
R.W. - Poses

1.) Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
2.) Greek Song
3.) Poses
4.) Shadows
5.) California
6.) The Tower of Learning
7.) Grey Gardens
8.) Rebel Prince
9.) The Consort
10.) One Man Guy
11.) Evil Angel
12.) In a Graveyard

(my personal favorites = 3,4,6,9,11 & 12) Now that I think about it, it's sort of a dark album. Not as cheery and smiley as the first album. There's some really dark moments on here ( the last two songs, most notably, by the titles)

I have to say that this is a pretty cool experience from my end as well. Not that there is any romantic notions going around, but it's nice to talk to someone who is totally new. I've had sort of a hard time making friends here in Kansas City since I've moved away from Chicago, and I have a lover, but I want to make some friends, and I'm a likeable guy, I really am, but nothing has come up, and it's sort of depressing. I love my man, and all of his friends are really nice, I just don't have a single friend here, other than co-workers, and that doesn't really count. God, that just depressed me. See what happens when you start me typing? Oh well, it's just nice to talk. I'll stop being pathetic now.

anyway, mail me if you get bored or something,

love your hair, hope it wins,

So Richard just emailed me and told me that the townhouse he went and saw just wasn't what he was looking for, and the house that they were going to look at sold, so we're back at square one. I guess that's okay, because it wasn't right, and if it wasn't right, then we don't want it. Something will show up. I'm done for today, I actually had work to do today, so I'll just leave it at that today. Mail me if you get a chance, or if you have anything to say. And buh-bye!

Thursday, April 5, 2001

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Well first thing's first; here's the text of the letter from the Queen.

31st March, 2001

Dear Mr. Rosen,

I am commanded by The Queen to write and thank you for your nice letter. Her Majesty was touched by the kind things you say, and I am to tell you how much pleasure letters such as yours give The Queen.

Her Majesty wishes me to thank you once again for your thought in writing at this time, which The Queen greatly appreciated.

Yours Sincerely,

Susan Murrey

Isn't that funny how they capitalize everything associated with The Queen; it's The Queen - and Her Majesty. LOVE IT LOVE IT! So I know that the Lady-in-Waiting wrote on the letter, as far as her signature, but I wonder if this is the same form letter as the one I got about a year ago. I would like to think that it's not, but I think it might be. This one is on bigger stationary though. Oh well, I have so much to write about, it's sort of obnoxious. So last night, I got home and was feeling just crappy, but I couldn't tell if I was feeling that way because I was sick, or because I hadn't eaten, so I went out to that same Wendy's we went to the other night. No big deal. So I'm driving home, and right when I hit the bridge (I don't know what it's called, I know it's not the Heart of America one, but it's one on I-70) coming home, I see a bunch of lights go on in the car, and the car is coughing, you know, like it's running out of gas or something. So I sort of freak out, and I let off the gas, and she just dies. So now I'm driving in the car, without power steering, and I immediately put on the hazards, and tried to (as best as I could) pull off of the highway. So, Sue Ellen (the car) has done this before, she has flooded while I was driving, but what was peculiar about this, was that I drove all the way to Wendy's without a hitch, and without it having any problems, and then it seemed to come out of nowhere. So anyway, I tried the little trick I knew about the air filter, so I opened up the hood, and there's a little valve, when you take off the cover of the air filter, that if you hold open with something, and try to start it, she usually starts right up, but of course she doesn't start, and it feels like the battery is running out of juice, because the starter tone, is going down. I don't know how else to explain it in text, without giving you the sound effect. But you know the sound, it's that horrible sound when you start your car in the winter, and it just keeps on going lower and lower and lower, and slower (if that makes any sense). So I was like in the middle of nowhere, but then I remembered that I have this AAA membership, but the only thing that sucks about that, is that I don't have a cell phone. And you wonder why they promote cell phones so readily for these types of situations. So anyway, I looked around for somewhere that I could call from, and I saw the Casino, that was right by the river. So I started walking. It was so funny, because I got an email from Leila that was a memo from god, that said in one part: should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk. Sort of crazy. I really didn't think of that until today when I got to work, because that memo is up on my cubicle. So I walked to the casino, but I didn't know where to get in, so I walked around the building a little bit, and then this security guy appeared seemingly out of nowhere, totally startled me. He says "whatchya doin there partner" in a Missouri drawl. I said "my car broke down on the highway, and I was looking for a phone, can you please help me?" and he said "what, you walked from the highway?" and I said "yes, like I said, my car broke down, I think it's flooded or something, I don't know, I need to call triple a." He says "well the only phone around this building is the ---phone, (I can't remember exactly what he said, it was the casino house phone or whatever) so I suppose you can use that." So I called triple a, and they told me that they would send someone out as soon as possible. SHYA! So it took me probably a half an hour, probably less to get to the car, and I was expecting them to already be there, but of course what was I thinking. It took them like an hour, I don't know exactly how long, it was a long long time before they showed up. Meanwhile, I was trying different things. The guy at the gas station a couple weeks ago showed me how to do that little valve thing, to hold it open, but that still didn't work, and I didn't want to keep on trying to start her, because the starter seemed to be wearing down. So, the AAA people FINALLY get there after what seemingly is an eternity, and it's the a-typical/stereotypical/ type of red-neck guy with no teeth, and smells really bad who's in the big tow-truck. I was sort of short with him "did you have to come from St. Louis to get here?" and he sort of smirked at me, as if ....well...I don't know if he didn't understand that I was being sarcastic, or if he actually DID have to come from St. Louis, so he said "what seems to be the problem?" and I said "well, I want to say that it's flooded, but I tried the little trick that I learned (and I showed him the little valve on the air filter-thingy) and it didn't work" so he fiddled with that little valve, and he said to try and start it, and I told him that I thought the battery was losing juice because of that noise, so he said that he could jump her if needed. So that didn't work, so he fiddled with the car some more, for quite a while. All this was going on, on the side of the highway, with cars whizzing past, I almost got hit one time, there was woman who was honking her horn at us, and I just put my hand up as if to say "talk to the hand". So anyway, after a long time, he said "okay, try to start her up". and she did. I asked him if I needed to get a new battery, and he said no, that running the car would charge the battery, because it was a new one. I read in the little manual that it was a new battery, ( a couple of years old) so I thanked him and then took off. This is where it gets hairy. It took me like twenty minutes to get home, and then when I got home Richard was waiting for me on the porch. And I was trying to explain what happened, and we talked about it, I told him that I couldn't really call him because the security guy was 'bending the rules' to let me even call from that phone, so I made one call to AAA, thinking that they would come, and I could be home in no time. He just was worried about me, and some other things, but I won't detail them here, it sort of made me upset, but he was upset too, and we talked it out, and we got through it. This goes to the whole 'talking it out' thing that I was writing about a couple of days ago. I was saying that I really liked when we talk about things, and get it out, and then we both feel better about everything, and that's EXACTLY what happened last night. I was late, he was upset, we talked about it, and now we're over it. I won't say that I told you so, because I didn't, but I feel that is the best way to handle things. Period, end of sentence, end of story blah blah etc etc. So anyway, I want to go to Precision Tune and see if they can look at 'Sue Ellen' and see if they can see what is wrong with her. I know that she has a drinking problem, but maybe if I get her tuned up, then she will run much better. I'm HOPING that works, and that there is not a bunch of different repairs and costs that go along with that whole process. I want them to look at the windows as well, because sometimes one of them works, and then sometimes the other one doesn't work, and they switch. Ah well, it just goes with the whole 'old car' thing, and I just have to be patient. I want to drive to Chicago for the Rufie concert in May, so I don't have to pay for a plane ticket, and I just hope that damm car will behave so I can do it without a problem. I don't want to be stuck in poh-dunk Illinois, or for that matter poh-dunk Missouri and not have any place to go. I sort of like that AAA thing, it's nice, they just have to work on their response time. A - DUH! So anyway, Richard and I had a good experience after we talked everything out, and today he is working on painting the house because the people who bought the house had that in the contract, that the house be painted. Now, that's the kicker, because when theFHA guy comes to inspect it, he's going to see that the house has been painted very recently, and that won't be a worry about the inspection. The only thing that is left in that contract, that if any other repairs are required by the FHA inspector, then Richard will pay \\$3,000 of it. So, if there is any repairs, he'll pay a portion of it, but Elsa and Richard don't think that there is going to BE anything else, so hopefully it will turn out that way, and he won't have to worry about paying \\$3,000 dollars for repairs on a house that he's no longer living in. That being said, we'll be painting for the majority of this weekend. I really really want to go and take Sue Ellen to the shop, and get her tuned up, I might have to take some painting time and do that, but I think that it's worth it to do that.

Sheeyat beeyatch, I just remembered that I have to send Rick Fisher a check for \\$200 for my
deposit for the Europe trip. The deposit, and then I just found out that tune up is going to cost \\$69.90, so that's another expense. I just have to think that getting that tune up and that deposit are one time expenses, but the deposit will ensure that I go to Europe next summer, and the tune-up will ensure that my car will run until then, so I'm paying now, but it's just so I don't have to pay later. It's sort of like insurance for the future. That's how I have to think about it. I'm listening to Dayvid's tape that he made me that has FULL ACCESS TO THE "POSES" on the front side, and then on the second is just a mix of different songs. It's quite entertaining. I already put the French Rufie song on the voice mail, so I can listen to it any time I want to, I also sent it to my friends here, and they all loved it, of course "who is that?" "is that a modern singer?" "that was so beautiful, it made me want to cry!" were the reactions that I got to that. Hmm mm. Shocking that David and I would have something ahead of everybody else, and that people, when they hear it, want it. Just shocking. I have to say that has happened with amazing frequency. Oh, you know, the whole Rufus Wainwright coup. That started with Dave giving me a copy of the first album, and then we went to see him at that little bar, I forget what it was called, the Double Door that in Wicker Park. And then the obsession continued....ACTUALLY now that I think of it, it all started with Diane Schuur. That whole thing started with the summer that Mary and I broke the cd player in the back of my dad's Explorer, and then it took like six months for him to get the cd player fixed, and then when he did, he threw a bunch of cd's out into the garbage, and I took the Diane Schuur cd "Deedles" out of the garbage and started listening to it, and that started the whole obsession with her. Then of course the coup in Dayton, Ohio, that started the bootleg coup's, because that was quickly transferred to the Rufles. Amazing how that happens isn't it? And now, we're going to go bootleg the concert in Chicago in May, and have like a compilation of bootleg recordings. We could have a whole series of them by the time we're done with this whole coup obsession.:-) LOVE IT LOVE IT! OH the coups! I should make a coup page, every time I get an idea like that, I want to put an additional page on this stupid webpage. I should just calm down. :-) either calm down, or stop typing those stupid :-) :-). I get so annoyed when people type those, and as you see, I've been typing those with increasing frequency today :-) Ok, I'll stop it. *laffs*. I asked Susan Peterson to email me the hexidecimal color codes, because I was sick of just typing 'font color='red' or something like that, so I am trying to experiment with different colors of text, so if you see these colors and like them mail me. That's enough for now, I have to go meet my husband downstairs because I printed out some labels for him, so he could send those letters out to the people in Quality Hill. He is sending letters to everyone who lives there, because he wants to buy one of those town homes, and he is writing a letter to each one of them asking them if they want to sell it, and if they do, that they could come up with an agreement between the two parties. Which essentially means that he'll do anything to get one of those town homes. He's been wanting to get one of those for a while now, and none of them are for sale, so he thought he'd be proactive and try to send them letters, because there might just be a person who needs to get out of owning one of those, and is waiting for the right opportunity, just like this. So I printed out a couple of sheets of address labels for him, and then I put a letter in there. I hand wrote it, so he might have a difficult time deciphering what it says, but it just said essentially, that I love him, and I want to support him in any way that I can, and talking out things like last night is the way to go, and that I was terribly happy that we did that, and that we resolved everything. I am so in love with that man, I mean SO in love with him, still after almost a year. That's so funny, we were talking about our anniversary and he was saying 'yeah we're still together, and we still like each other' which is just hysterical, because I know a lot of couples who don't like each other, but who stay together just for the sake of being together. That brings up another point (oh yea, that's enough for today.....SHYA!), I was talking with Melissa at work, and she was saying that she was talking with her boyfriend and he totally changed his story, and apologized to her, and that they are going to spend the whole weekend together, and I was just like shocked, because a couple days before, she and I were saying she really needs to break this relationship off, she needs to take some time alone for herself, and get to know herself; even though she doesn't like to be alone blah blah blah. So now she comes up to me and says that she was wrong about him, that he called her and wanted her to come over, and spend the whole weekend with her, blah blah. I really didn't say anything, because I didn't want to hurt her, but I couldn't believe that she did that, I just couldn't believe it. I frankly think it's just like Tina Turner going back to Ike. Not like her situation is anything like that, there is no abuse or anything like that, but she goes right back with the guy that she was going to break up with two days before because he said the right things, he said that he would take her to the movies. I know it's something that you really can't teach someone, but it's like I understand why she is going there, but I don't respect it. It's not that I don't respect it, I just was trying to help her, and not that she had to take my advice, like I'm the ultimate authority or something, but I just thought that she would have a stronger spine than that. We'll see what happens with the ever-changing drama of the Shook, Hardy & Bacon trainees. I am going to have to start a page about the drama of this group, because it is major. And it's all the WOMEN! I'm kidding, I have drama too, for the love of GOD I have drama, but it's a different type of drama with the women.

Just for the file of 'Yes Bill, you're right': Richard's response to my letter: (the handwritten one)

I'm so grateful to you. You are understanding and gentle and loving and, yes, I consider you to be my husband, too. Thanks for the great note and know that I'll be more open in the future even if, in some ways, it's unnecessary. You're right - I do feel better.

I'm in love with you, William Rosen.


Thanks for the labels.

I won't even go there. I love this journal so much, it lets me get out much of what I think about during the day. I put the journal email in the "works in progress" folder when I start it, then I keep on going back to it throughout the day, and then send it at the end of the day. I love it. It really helps to get everything out, AND there's stuff that I never think about, that just suddenly comes up, and it's wonderful. It's sort of writing sparks different issues, and then I talk about them, and then it turns out to be a novel (um, like this entry). That's okay though, because I am so glad that I get a chance to share it on the webpage, so then everyone can see how tremendously wonderful my life has been going since I moved to Kansas City. I won't even start talking abou that, because then I'll REALLY never stop. Ok, that's really it for today, if you have any comments, thoughts, or anything, just drop me a line and we'll talk. Have a good weekend!!

Queen Elizabeth II


Well, it's not exactly a done deal, JUST yet, but the people who wanted the house, wrote a contract, and it's an FHA loan, so the house has to be FHA inspected, and it probably requires him to pay it. Here's the email from my baby, and his new consulting business.
from:Richard 04/05/01 10:19AM

"Spirituality has become hip. Spiritual thought surrounds us in our everyday lives. The Oprah show is the church of choice for many and popular radio is the church of choice for many more so if you aren't listening to popular radio for powerful and compatible music for your spiritual community, you're missing out."

So anyway, we are trying to make plans for our anniversary, to go to San Francisco, and then to Portland, for Allison Garley's wedding. I have a possible itinerary that Jeff Prell gave me but I don't think that is going to be possible (even though he gave us a bunch of discounts) because we just can't pay it for a long time, and you can't hold stuff like that for a long time. The rates change.
So I just talked with Richard and he is going to wire the money to Charlie so I expect that shouldn't be a problem at all. Charlie was saying that we should have thought about this process before, wiring the money from Western Union but ah well. I am so glad that I am out of that situation. I was talking with Richard the other night, because I couldn't sleep, and I was saying how irritated I was about that whole tax situation with the Charlie-money thing. Oh well, I'll just have to file an extension and figure out how I am going to pay the \\$500 that I owe the State of Illinois, or the federal taxes as well. Pisses me off. Oh well. I just can't let things like that get in my way. There was a whole lesson at church about how people don't live 'in the flow' and how people get in the way of themselves, and that's why I said I can't let things like that get in my way, because as someone I know said that we "Block the Blessings". Another fabulous thing about my conversation with Richard a couple of minutes ago, was that I found out that the people accepted the counter-offer, so we officially have six weeks to vacate 317 Jackson. DEAR GOD. Well what I was saying before, and what I was talking with Richard about last night, when we were talking about the whole move, and how he often says that "I may not know where I'm going, but I know where I'm not going" and I think that this whole thing with the move has been an excellent example of what happens when you move out of the way, and you let yourself live in the flow, and I said last night that I thought that this whole moving thing was a lesson in intuition, because he knew that he had to move, but he doesn't know where we are going to move, but that sort of didn't matter. It just mattered that he felt that he should move, and look at what happened; the house sold in less than a month, and now we have just OVER a month to move into a place, or start renting something until we find something else. It sort of is an uneasy feeling knowing that we have to get out of the house, and not knowing where we're going to go, but that's okay, I have faith that something good will happen, and that if we just let the process happen, then it will turn out well. It always does
On a completely unrelated note, I got an UPS package from Dayvid and it was a tape along with some pictures and a "what I'm listening too now" and likes and dislikes of Rufus Wainwright. He likes Beefeater gin and tonics, so Dave was saying that for the concert in Chicago, that we should bring him a bottle of Beefeater and bring him a carton of Marlboro Red cigarettes. I thought that was a brilliant idea, just give him gifts that he loves, so maybe we can get a little bit closer and perhaps have a drink with him on the tour bus. I am just going to stop there, because I know that Richard reads my journals!HAHAHA!!!. Needless to say that this album is fabulous, and I can't wait to see him in concert, it's all about the FULL ACCESS TO THE POSES! If I start talking about that, I'll never stop, so I'll just cut myself off.
I went to the doctor, at the Free Clinic last night, and the woman ( I forget her name) was telling me that she could tell I was sick, because I looked really bad, and she wanted to do some blood work, and she wanted to give me a mono test, and a diabetes test, and all these different types of tests, because this has been going on for about a month now, and it sort of freaks me out because like I've said before, I never get sick, and I've been sick for a month now. So they also wanted to take blood for a HIV test, which I thought was a good idea, because I haven't had one of those in a while. I really don't foresee any problem with that, I just have to go back to the clinic in a week, next Wednesday and go for the results. Even though I know that I've been really good with Richard, and that there has been nobody else but him, I still get an uneasy feeling about that whole thing. It's not like I'm worried about getting HIV, it's just the whole uncertainty of it all. I know that I've been monogamous, and I know all these things are good signs, but just the whole subject is not one I like to discuss. The whole waiting thing is sort of nerve-wracking too, but I shouldn't worry about it, because there is not going to be any problem whatsoever. I should get in the flow dammit! So anyway, when I went to the clinic last night, the woman was so nice, and like I said, she could tell that I wasn't doing so well, and then when the whole blood testing thing came up, she went out of the room, and then came in and then asked me if it was okay for Doug to do the counseling for the HIV test. The reason why she asked me was because she knew that I knew Doug, because he is with Larry Barker, who is a member of the chorus, and I met Larry in San Jose, he was roommates with Richard. So having said that, I told her that it was no problem for him to do the counseling. So we had the little talk about partners, and activity, and just overall really personal questions about really personal things, which I really was okay discussing with Doug, because he is such a kind guy, he's just so sweet and I trusted him. So anyway, we got through with that, and then they had to take the blood, so we walked into the little lab room, and we were just sort of talking about blood types, because I just gave blood last week at the Shook, Hardy & Bacon blood drive, and I got a card in the mail that said that my blood type was O-. So I asked him what that blood type meant, and he said that it was 'universal donor' so I could give blood to anyone, but O-'s can't receive blood from just any type. So I sort of liked that, because it was an universal donor, but we're picky about who we receive blood from :-) So anyway, to make a long story even longer, he said that he had a hard time finding my veins, and I told him that I went to give blood at the blood drive, and they took it from my right arm, and it wasn't a problem at all. He didn't want to take it from that arm though, because he said there was some bruising on that arm, so he tried it with the left arm, and of course, he missed the damm vein. He poked it in, and then I could just see on his face, and what he was saying that he didn't get the vein. So he took it out, and was apologizing for not getting it, and I was sort of playing with him, because I was saying that I was going to hold a grudge against him for doing that to me, but I was totally joking with him. So anyway, he tried the right arm, and it was fine, he got the vein, and it was fine. So they took a bunch of blood, and she was going to call me if anything turned up on the blood tests. That is nerve wracking also, because I hate waiting for anything. On the other hand, she said that she was only going to call if there was something wrong with the tests, so I should expect her not to call. I really don't mind giving blood, it's just when complications come up like that, it's sort of irritating, but I don't blame them at all, not at all. Apparently I don't have big ol veins. Who knows. Enough about that.

So after I drove home from the clinic I went in the house, and Richard was talking with Elsa, and they were going over the contract for the house, so I decided to let them be by themselves, so I went upstairs to check my email. I was up there for about twenty minutes when Richard walks up the stairs and says "Bill, there's someone here to see you" and I said "what" and he said, "there's a woman here to see you." and I just looked at him, because I was so baffled by that, because I don't know anyone here, and I thought that it was really odd for anyone to be looking for me, as I know no one here. So it was Melissafrom work, and she was hysterical, she was having a crisis with her boyfriend, so I tried to calm her down as best as I could, and I tried to give her advice. I tried to tell her that for her whole life she has been in relationships, and she has never spent any time alone, and I tried to encourage her to take some time alone for herself, and that she needed to start figuring out things by herself, and not always depending on the men in her life to figure out these things. I don't know if it helped at all, but I tried to listen, and to be there for her as much as I possibly could. Then Charlie called, and was asking about the money, if we wired it to him yet, and I said no, because we had been on such a crazy schedule lately, but we would do it today. He was talking and talking and talking, and I was trying to tell him that I had sort of a crisis here that a friend was here, that I couldn't really talk, but I could hardly get a word in edgewise, so we talked for a while. So then I sat in Ahab's room with Melissa for a while, and was talking with her when the doorbell rang, and it was the UPS guy, and he delivered the tape that Dave sent. So by that time, it was after 8pm, and I wanted to go watch West Wing so I asked Melissa if she wanted to go watch it with me upstairs, so she did, and we talked up there, and THEN LEILA called, and you know how Leila talks, I actually fended her off, and told her that I would call her later, because I was watching the West Wing, and it was such a rivoting episode. The President admitted to Toby that he had a degenerative form of Multiple Sclerosis, and that only 16 people knew about it. I didn't really get the whole thing with the Vice President, I thought that the Vice President was making a move to run for the Presidency, because he was making a speech in New Hampshire. So it's up in the air now, if Bartlett will run again, or if he'll have to resign because he hid the medical condition from the public. It was REALLY good, I loved that episode. So anyway, after West Wing, Melissa took off, I think she was feeling much better, and she said today at work that she felt so much better after she left, she said that she had the sunroof on her car open, and she was putting her hands out. So I felt good about helping her. So I was walking Melissa out, and then after she left, then Elsa left because they finished with the contract, and then Richard and I went out to Wendy's and I had to eat, because I was so famished, I don't know if it was from giving blood, or if it was because I hadn't eaten since like noon, but I was ravenously hungry. So we took my car to Wendy's and then on the way home, right as we were pulling into the driveway, I was talking about how I wanted to name my car, and I was saying that I wanted it to be a name from the eighties. So I was saying that the car just guzzles the gas, and then Richard was saying "oh, she has a little bit of a drinking problem huh?" and I said yea "I should just call her Sue Ellen" and that was it. So my car now is officially Sue Ellen. Because she's from the eighties, and she has a drinking problem. How funny. So then I just went to bed because I was so tired. Dear god, I just got an email from Dayvid about Rufus.

Rufus Wainwright has tapped fellow Canadian folk-rock duo Tegan and Sara for a round of tour dates beginning May 2 in Vancouver.

From there, the tour hits the major players around North America through a May 23 date in Washington, D.C. Wainwright will be performing tunes from his upcoming sophomore DreamWorks effort, Poses (due June 5), while Tegan and Sara will continue to support their U.S. debut, This Business of Art (Vapor Records). Rufus Wainwright/Tegan and Sara tour dates:

May 2, Vancouver, Richards on the Eve
May 3, Seattle, Crocodile Café
May 4, Portland, Ore., Roseland Grill
May 6, San Francisco, Great American Music Hall
May 7, Los Angeles, Roxy
May 10, Denver, Soiled Dove
May 12, Minneapolis, 400 Bar
May 13, Chicago, Martyr's
May 14, Detroit, Magic Bag
May 16, Toronto, Guvernment
May 17, Montreal, Club Soda
May 18, Boston, Paradise Rock Club
May 20, Philadelphia, Theater of the Living Arts
May 22, New York, Bowery Ballroom
May 23, Washington, D.C., 9:30 Club

I keep on getting these great emails today, this one is from Richard

Well, you have a little letter here. It's marked "Royal Mail" from Windsor Castle!

Eek! I love you!

I have another letter from the QUEEN

Oh dear god I'm going to cry. Once I get it, it will be promptly scanned so I can post it on here. Or, I'll post the text of the letter as soon as I get it, I'm going to cry when I get it, I can feel it, I'll post the text of the letter, and then I'll try and scan it as soon as I can, I'm not sure where I'll get it scanned in, maybe I'll ask the guy next to me to do it. That's it for now. Just wait; there'll be more I can assure you. Later.

Wednesday, April 4, 2001

april 4

Well not a lot today, there's been a couple of dissapointing things happening in the last couple of days. First of all, Richard was expecting to have a contract from the people that have been looking at the house, and nothing has happened with it. The people never called, never gave an explanation about why they never cancelled or anything. This has happened a couple of times and it's sort of disturbing because you get your hopes up, and then you're waiting and you're waiting, and nothing happens, so it just sucks. The other thing was that last night, I was trying to get Richard to open up to me, and talk to me, but he operates so differently than I, as he just bottles everything up, and processes things internally, and I want to help him so bad, it hurts me to think that he's hurting. Then again, I can only offer so much help. The other thing is that I think that he has so much on his mind because he's doing all these big shows, the DIVA DIVA DIVA show for church and then theres another one for the House of Menoohoo, or whatever it's called, and it's a charity concert that raises money for this Women's house, and that is getting down to the wire, and he's sort of pulling things out of the hat for that concert. PLUS, he went and saw his mother yesterday, and she wanted help researching some terminal cancer options. She wants to go further than the doctors have said, and start getting medication that is not approved by the FDA, from what I understand. So I know that he is preoccupied with that whole situation, PLUS selling the house is a huge deal, and that's an up and down up and down sort of situation. Very schizoid. I was telling Richard that I am going to go to the Kansas City Free Clinic today after work, because I am not feeling any better, and I still feel so bad, because I think that I might be making Richard sick. There's a mililon things going on, and I hate being sick and trying to deal with a bunch of these things. So I'll go to the clinic tonight and get some medicine. The last time I went, they helped me right away, and it was fabulous, because they gave me a bunch of drugs, and I loved it. I just got an email from Richard that said that they wrote a contract on the house and that he'll keep me posted. I thought that I would put a plug in for my baby's new business. He is starting a new email campaign that will go something like this:

"Common among the leaders of the most dynamic and powerful church musicprograms is the practice of enrolling musicians with skills which are very different from their own."

Richard Held & Company
To unsubscribe to this free service, please reply. Otherwise, please anticipate a helpful tidbit every week or so.
I told him that I thought it would be better if he would specify an exact time that he would send those out, because it just sounds more professional than "a week or so."
I need some amusement today so I am going to write another entry in the trio page about Tim and Julie's Wedding:

This is an email that I sent to Allison Garley. It's been so good to talk with her lately, and she's invited me and Richard to go to her wedding!


This is Bill by the way, so anyway, let's just get this straight in our minds (or my multiple personalities, rather) are you inviting me to your wedding? I don't want to be presumptuous and say that you are, so I want to hear from you, or are you even at that point in inviting people to the wedding yet? I was talking with my man (Richard) and I was talking about your wedding weekend, because your wedding weekend, is a week after our one year anniversary! So we were planning on going to San Francisco for our anniversary anyway, so maybe (if you invite me) we'll do San Fran, and then hop up to your wedding, and just do a whole west coast thing while we're at it. Just let me know. Are you nearer to Seattle, or Portland, I always forget that, and how would you get to your house from the airport, are you close? I have sort of a vague recollection of what you and Kristin have said in the past, but I just don't remember.

anyway, let me know what you think,


And this is her reply


Alley? As in back-alley? Anyhow, of course you're invited. What a nice friend I would be if I just told you about it but you couldn't come. And what perfect timing I have if you were going to be out here sort of anyhow. Yes, that's a Saturday. We do get "special rates" at the hotel where the reception is if you want to stay there for the reception. You are welcome to stay at our house any other night. Actually, you can that night too but you'd miss part of the party. We get the bridal suite, ohhhh. I'm sure you could maybe just crash in Kristin's room too if you want. And in answer to your airport question, yes, we are about 15 minutes from the airport. The planes fly right over our house all the time. We could surely come get you. The hotel (Marriott) is right near our house, about 5 minutes away. Right on the Columbia River. They have a big, big deck facing the river where the partay will be. You get a view of Mt. St. Helen's and of Mt. Hood. Lovely, lovely. Kristin is making the cake. Yum. So, that's it for now. Dave, Terese, and Aaron are invited too. I probably won't get the invitations out until May. My friend is going to design them. That is really it for now. Talk to you soon. Allison

and then I forwarded it to Richard, with this addendeum:


This is my friend Allison, talking about her wedding plans, and all the events leading up to that. Do you still want to go? I think it would be brilliant. I was thinking of our conversation last night about your processing things inside your head, becaue I have been thinking about that a lot today, and I don't know what I've come up with, just that I want to be there for you, and I want to do anything that I can to help, it's just that I don't know when you need help because I can't tell. I remember telling you when we first got together you were hard to read, and you still are, I've just accepted that, and you. Did I tell you that the phone message that Mindy gave me last night, was from a collector guy wanting payment for a student loan? I, for some reason assumed the worst and thought that it was giong to be something about Chicago, or my deceased car or something like that, but it was no big deal, I just have to send them some money every month. So that was a really good thing, I'm taking care of that, too. Let me know what you think of the West coat tour, ( I thought that we might take a day and do San Francisco, and then go up to Oregon. It might be a bit expensive, to transfer and all of that, but I'll talk with Jeff and see if we can get some deals going ;-) I love you so much, and I realize that more every day, when we are apart, that I am so in love with you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, I AM ready and want to continue to have a committed relationship with you, and I DO aspire to the Dudley and John sort of thing. They totally remind me of "The Birdcage" of Robin Williams and Nathan Lane. Love it.

I am going to the free clinic after work. I think that I am going to leave a little bit early so that I can get there at 5pm. Doug gave me directions, and I'm not sure how long that'll take, it usually last about an hour or so. I'll be home after that, I love you!

Just a little sidenote, there IS a contract that is being offered on the house, I will talk more about that tomorrow.