opera lessons
Well I still haven't heard from the woman who is supposed to get back to me about voice lessons. I am sure that she is just busy, and she doesn't check her email that often. We'll set something up eventually. We had rehearsal last night and it was alright. There's this one song that we sing , it's called "Sing for the Cure - One Voice" and I will refuse to sing it. The parts are all SATB, and then Joe has been changing all the parts, so now, we have to jump from bass, to treble clef, and I just refuse to sing it. They could so easily just transpose them, and give us another flipping copy, but that's okay because I live a life without struggle, and I refuse to struggle with that, so I protest it. All the other songs are great, it just sounds like we're going to have a fabulous concert this time. I also requested the days off for the Rufus Wainwright concert, which would be May 14, and then I also requested June 21-22 & 25 off for our trip to Chicago. The best thing is that Roxie left me an email that said quite simply "ok by me". And that was that. She is just so laid back, (and I think it's because she knows what the significance of that weekend is...plus, I said in the memo that I was requesting off for a "concert appearance" in Chicago, so I'm sure she knows it's HMC.) That's what I love about having a family boss, well, not only that, she's just so cool, she's laid back, and doesn't worry about anything. I also decided that when these cigarettes that I have run out, I'm not going to buy any more, I'm going to quit smoking forever. I'm going to be done with it. I am sort of excited to be done with it, because I can tell that I my body is reacting to quitting, and then starting again, and then quitting again. I just have to stop, and not be tempted. I am sick of smelling like smoke all the time, and then being a slave to that addiction. Richard and I have spoken about it, and I just have to respect the addiction, and realize that if I smoke even a single cigarette, I am giving in to that addiction. That's a great idea, I just have to think that the temptation is a dress rehearsal, and that I don't have to do anything about it. The other thing that I was talking with Phyllis about is that I feel like I am gaining weight, and that I don't know why. I used to be able not to worry about that, and now, since I have moved to Kansas City, I have gained like 20 pounds, and I just have no idea why. It's like it just appeared, and I'm freaking out. I told that to Richard and he said eloquently "welcome to your late twenties". So I don't have to struggle with that either, I just have to work on not eating a entire lunch, and I just have to cut back, but then when I stop smoking, that's going to make me want to eat more. The cycle never ends. That's okay, I live a life without struggle. I just have to not say that too much, because if I say it too much, I'll wear out its usefulness. Or, I'll just get so sick of it, that I won't want to say it anymore, and I really like saying it.
So anyway, I emailed Richard earlier today about these dogs that were on the little work bulletin board, that were free, they were black labs, apparently that were going to be born in two weeks or something, so I said, why don't I just inquire about them, because moving would be the best time to get another dog, a brother or a sister for Ahab. So needless to say, I emailed the woman, and am waiting to hear from her. I also emailed the woman on the bulletin board who wanted to start beginning opera lessons, so I asked Richard about that, and he gave me some number so I passed it on to that woman, who wasn't very appreciative. Whatev!
The drama never ends, I'm always amazed at how everything goes real smoothly and then someone comes up to me and says "oh my god, will you go smoke with me, I am having a breakdown." So Melissa at work is having custody problems with her child, and she was granted temporary custody of her child because she used to have just visitation with him, but over the weekend she found out that her ex-husband's girlfriend was beating the child. So she went and filed for temporary custody, and was granted it, now the ex-husband is fighting that, and she has to go to court and fight for custody of her child today at 4pm. I know this is not really appropriate for me to be talking about in my journal which happens to be online for the world to see, but I figure nobody really reads this except me, and anybody who is reading this, has really no idea who the players are, so it's all good. She was really upset about it, just about the fact that her ex-husband is fighting the custody issue.
Onto a whole new tangent, I am reading "Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav who has been on Oprah just about a million times, and what I'm about to type here goes so towards my smoking issue......
Recognize that what you are doing when you fear that you will be tempted, and that you will not be able to resist the temptation, is creating a situation that will give you permission to act irresponsibly. Is it possible to create a test that you cannot pass? Yes. The experience of wanting to be tempted in order to test yourself is the act of creating an opportunity to act irresponsibly, to say to yourself, " I knew I couldn't do it, anyway," and give in to your addiction. The heart of making a temptation that is greater than you can resist is that you do not wish to be held responsible for your choice.
The greater the desire of your soul to heal your addiction, the greater will be the cost of keeping it. If you- if you soul- have chosen to heal an addiction now, you will find that the decision to maintain your addiction will cost you the things that you hold most dear. If that is your wife or your husband, your marriage will be placed in the balance against your addiction. If that is your career, your career will be placed in the balance.
Try to realize, and truly realize, that what stands between you and a different life are matters of responsible choice. In your moments of fear, what you are obscure about in your thinking is the power and magnitude of your own choice. Recognize what your own power of choice is. You are not at the mercy of your inadequacy. The intention that will empower you must come from a place within you that suggests that you are indeed able to make responsible choices and draw the power from them, that you can make choices that empower you and not disempower you. Test your power of choice because each time you choose otherwise you disengage the power of your addiction more and more and increase your personal power more and more.
As you work through your weakness, and you feel levels of addictive attraction, ask yourself the critical questions of the spirit; If, by following those impulses, do you increase your level of enlightenment? Does it bring you power of the genuine sort? Will it make you more loving? Will it make you more whole? Ask yourself these questions.
This is the way out of an addiction: Walk yourself through your reality step by step. Make yourself aware of the consequences of your decisions, and choose accordingly. When you feel in yourself the addictive attraction of sex, or alcohol, or drugs, or anything else, remember these words: You stand between the two worlds of your lesser self and your full self. Your lesser self is tempting and powerful because it is not responsible and not as loving and not as disciplined, so it calls you. This other part of you is whole and more responsible and more caring and more empowered, but it demands of you the way of the enlightened spirit: conscious life.Conscious life. The other choice is unconscious permission to act without consciousness. It is tempting.
Dear god, the more I read in that book, the more I want to type from it, so I'm going to stop, and just say READ THE BOOK, it's fabulous, and it's going to help me quit smoking. The other thing about that is, and comes back to my whole weight thing, is that I'm just not going to struggle with it, I'm going to do a few things here and there, I'm going to start exercising more, I want to go and maybe purchase (but if I can't do that, I want to borrow it from Mike) a bike rack when I go back for the Rufus Wainwright concert, so that I can go and pick up my bike from Charlie's house. I will try and coordinate that with him, and get my fabulous 50's bike back. I was also thinking about getting a new bike, perhaps a mountain bike, or one that has a lot of gears on it, so that I can go for a long distance on the weekends. I think that when I start doing that on the weekends, I'll (1) be more happy because I'll be doing something to help myself (2) get more in shape (3) be able to explore the neighborhood, and get to know it better. But the thing is it's quite hilly here in Missouri, so I'll
So anyway, I emailed Richard earlier today about these dogs that were on the little work bulletin board, that were free, they were black labs, apparently that were going to be born in two weeks or something, so I said, why don't I just inquire about them, because moving would be the best time to get another dog, a brother or a sister for Ahab. So needless to say, I emailed the woman, and am waiting to hear from her. I also emailed the woman on the bulletin board who wanted to start beginning opera lessons, so I asked Richard about that, and he gave me some number so I passed it on to that woman, who wasn't very appreciative. Whatev!
The drama never ends, I'm always amazed at how everything goes real smoothly and then someone comes up to me and says "oh my god, will you go smoke with me, I am having a breakdown." So Melissa at work is having custody problems with her child, and she was granted temporary custody of her child because she used to have just visitation with him, but over the weekend she found out that her ex-husband's girlfriend was beating the child. So she went and filed for temporary custody, and was granted it, now the ex-husband is fighting that, and she has to go to court and fight for custody of her child today at 4pm. I know this is not really appropriate for me to be talking about in my journal which happens to be online for the world to see, but I figure nobody really reads this except me, and anybody who is reading this, has really no idea who the players are, so it's all good. She was really upset about it, just about the fact that her ex-husband is fighting the custody issue.
Onto a whole new tangent, I am reading "Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav who has been on Oprah just about a million times, and what I'm about to type here goes so towards my smoking issue......
Recognize that what you are doing when you fear that you will be tempted, and that you will not be able to resist the temptation, is creating a situation that will give you permission to act irresponsibly. Is it possible to create a test that you cannot pass? Yes. The experience of wanting to be tempted in order to test yourself is the act of creating an opportunity to act irresponsibly, to say to yourself, " I knew I couldn't do it, anyway," and give in to your addiction. The heart of making a temptation that is greater than you can resist is that you do not wish to be held responsible for your choice.
The greater the desire of your soul to heal your addiction, the greater will be the cost of keeping it. If you- if you soul- have chosen to heal an addiction now, you will find that the decision to maintain your addiction will cost you the things that you hold most dear. If that is your wife or your husband, your marriage will be placed in the balance against your addiction. If that is your career, your career will be placed in the balance.
Try to realize, and truly realize, that what stands between you and a different life are matters of responsible choice. In your moments of fear, what you are obscure about in your thinking is the power and magnitude of your own choice. Recognize what your own power of choice is. You are not at the mercy of your inadequacy. The intention that will empower you must come from a place within you that suggests that you are indeed able to make responsible choices and draw the power from them, that you can make choices that empower you and not disempower you. Test your power of choice because each time you choose otherwise you disengage the power of your addiction more and more and increase your personal power more and more.
As you work through your weakness, and you feel levels of addictive attraction, ask yourself the critical questions of the spirit; If, by following those impulses, do you increase your level of enlightenment? Does it bring you power of the genuine sort? Will it make you more loving? Will it make you more whole? Ask yourself these questions.
This is the way out of an addiction: Walk yourself through your reality step by step. Make yourself aware of the consequences of your decisions, and choose accordingly. When you feel in yourself the addictive attraction of sex, or alcohol, or drugs, or anything else, remember these words: You stand between the two worlds of your lesser self and your full self. Your lesser self is tempting and powerful because it is not responsible and not as loving and not as disciplined, so it calls you. This other part of you is whole and more responsible and more caring and more empowered, but it demands of you the way of the enlightened spirit: conscious life.Conscious life. The other choice is unconscious permission to act without consciousness. It is tempting.
Dear god, the more I read in that book, the more I want to type from it, so I'm going to stop, and just say READ THE BOOK, it's fabulous, and it's going to help me quit smoking. The other thing about that is, and comes back to my whole weight thing, is that I'm just not going to struggle with it, I'm going to do a few things here and there, I'm going to start exercising more, I want to go and maybe purchase (but if I can't do that, I want to borrow it from Mike) a bike rack when I go back for the Rufus Wainwright concert, so that I can go and pick up my bike from Charlie's house. I will try and coordinate that with him, and get my fabulous 50's bike back. I was also thinking about getting a new bike, perhaps a mountain bike, or one that has a lot of gears on it, so that I can go for a long distance on the weekends. I think that when I start doing that on the weekends, I'll (1) be more happy because I'll be doing something to help myself (2) get more in shape (3) be able to explore the neighborhood, and get to know it better. But the thing is it's quite hilly here in Missouri, so I'll
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