Sunday, April 28, 2002

Oh dear lord, I took that Dizzy the duck file off there because after I downloaded it and threw it up there and I played it, I realized that it was more than 12 minutes long. Woops. So if you want a copy, email me. Issue no 1.) Do you ever hear the stuff that I put up here for you? I would love to think that people come to this journal and click on the links of the .mp3 files and perhaps get a moment of joy in their day, but that is, I'm sure wishful thinking? Just tell me...do YOU ever listen to those files? Please email me and tell me that you do 

I just keep on thinking about the Arturo Sandoval concert and what a wild show it was. It was just so cool to see somone have so much fun up there on the stage. It was like he was a little boy in a candy store and had the run of the place. Just a great show. I've spent the good part of the weekend with the patient. I have to say that even though I had renounced myself to be alone for the rest of my life clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels, after that whole homeless episode, things are turning out quite nicely with him. I thought well maybe I shouldn't get involved with anyone, maybe I should be alone, so that I can work on myself and everything that surrounded that whole thing. Frankly, I think that I've worked through as much as I could possibly do in the time period that I've had. I think that I've done quite well for myself. I was having a conversation over im the other day, and if I recall correctly he was trying to say that in the last few months I have been trying to hurt myself and that I have been self-destructive. Now, perhaps right in the start of the 'breakup/rebound/' period I probably was being self destructive, trying to express the sheer amount of emotion after a failed relationship. I think that's fairly normal....well maybe expressing the emotions, and not the self destructive part. I think that I've worked through a ton of shit that I needed to go through, and I'm doing quite well here in Kansas City. I may not have tons of money, I may not have the best car in the world, but who cares about all of that stuff? At least I'm trying right? In church today the talk was about living your life, and trying to do something you've always said that you wanted to do, and actually doing it. The woman pastor got up (after apparently having an enormous fear of singing in public) and sang a song in front of the congregation and conquered her fear, and just did it. It was a marvelous moment. If I have any aspirations it would be to: 

Write a book (I work on that every day here in this journal....keeping writing, and keeping my writing voice fresh and crisp)

Travel more frequently: Well....along comes the money issue. No need to further expunge on that issue

I've always wanted to take up the guitar, so I can go anywhere and be a one-man show! I have always said that if I were ever stranded on a deserted island somewhere I would never get bored. I can sing. I have all of this music running around in my head and while I can sing the pants off any Joe off the street, it would be nice if I could accompany myself. Same goes for the piano.(not that deserted islands are known for their piano bars)

I've always wanted to buy a house, or build a house for that matter. Or, jut to have some property of my own you know? It could be a farm house in Montana, as long as I have a fax and a DSL. Ever seen that movie?

(along the same lines) I've always wanted to start a farm/compound for retired circus Elephants. Have you ever seen the way that they treat those poor animals? Oh god, I feel a rant coming on, but I'll spare you.

I've always wanted to be elected to congress as a Senator. WOOOOHOOOOOHAAAAHAAA......oh dear, that was a good one.

Well, that's at least a start, dontchya think?